FA 035.5 Flexibility, Love, and Trust

Feral  Attraction
Episode 035.5 - Flexibility Love and Trust

Topic

Song Deconstruction

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love, and trust

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love, and trust

  • Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the thing you need to do most, even if that means forgiving yourself for a mistake you don’t feel like you deserve to be forgiven for. The first step to forgiving yourself is finding a moment to think clearly, and that requires a break from the noise and chaos that dwelling on negativity creates.

    • There is power in forgiveness- not just in the forgiveness that you grant, but also in the forgiveness that you receive.

  • A moment of silence will not usually present itself; it is up to you to center yourself. Create a moment of silence and tranquility by using deep breathing techniques to calm your body, and think of something calming like the ocean or rain to calm your mind.

    • Take ten minutes every day to sit down and focus on your breathing. Allow thoughts, feelings, concepts to enter your mind and accept them as they are, don’t feel a need to react to them. Emotions are just data; how you choose to react to those emotions is up to you. Consider your emotions before you react to them.

  • Meditation is a controlled environment for your to confront and experience emotions without allowing them to take root in your day to day thoughts.It is not a technique that allows you to “skip” feeling bad; it is a way to examine and appreciate why you feel bad in order to help you realize that you are allowed to feel better. You’re giving yourself permission to move on through controlled examination.
     

Here comes a thought that might alarm you

What someone said and how it harmed you

  • Sometimes, the things that upset you may not be caused by regret of something you did, but by the pain someone else caused you to feel, intentionally or accidentally.

    • Recalling the thought may alarm you at first by reminding you of the pain you were in after it happened. Feeling this pain is not a bad thing unless you allow it to consume you.

 

Something you did that failed to be charming

Things that you said are suddenly swarming

  • We often regret our mistakes, especially when we hurt others intentionally or accidentally, and that can cause us to lose sight of our ideal self

    • We often demonize ourselves based off of our mistakes

    • Sometimes these negative thoughts can bring other negative thoughts or memories, and what starts as one point of negativity can multiply exponentially into a swarming sensation of regret

 

And, oh, you're losing sight, you're losing touch

All these little things seem to matter so much

That they confuse you

That I might lose you

  • When you allow your insecurities to take root, they can have an effect not only on you, but everyone around you. Your friends might have difficulty getting through to you and you might even lash out at them when they try. You may find it difficult to smile or laugh. You’re believing in a false reality that is referred to as a cognitive distortion. These distortions can make you believe that you’re not capable of feeling any other way than how you feel right now, whether your emotions were caused by personal regret, or pain inflicted by others.

  • You might take it as a foregone conclusion that your friendships and romantic relationships will fall apart, because you feel unworthy of love

  • Losing sight of your self-worth and integrity

    • However, mistakes don’t have to be who you see yourself as; they shouldn’t get in the way of who you want to become. Accept your mistakes, but don’t become attached to them.

 

Take a moment, remind yourself

To take a moment and find yourself

Take a moment and ask yourself

If this is how we fall apart

  • You need to slow down. You need to breathe. Don’t wait for a moment to present itself where you can start to feel better; make a moment for yourself by breathing deeply so that you can examine your emotions the way we mentioned earlier.

  • Will you allow this cognitive distortion to control you? Will you allow yourself to only be a manifestation of your fear and guilt? Will you allow the way you feel now to become how you feel forever? Will you allow this moment to cause damage to your relationships?

    • Dwelling rarely affects just you.

    • Dwelling affects family, friends, and even strangers because it changes how you respond to them on a reflexive level.

      • For example, a stranger may greet you and want to get to know you, but if you feel like you don’t deserve to know them because you might hurt them, or convince yourself that you are boring/unintelligent/worthless, you may respond impulsively and poison the relationship before it even had a chance to blossom. “Why do you want to know me? I’ll just hurt you like I hurt the last person who got close to me. I’m not worth your time.”

      • When you refuse to accept your own mistakes and learn from them, you are refusing to love yourself, and this means you will be unable to accept the love of others without feeling immense guilt.
         

But it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay

You've got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here

  • It is vitally important to remind yourself that this negative version of yourself isn’t you. This negative version of yourself isn’t all you’re capable of being because it fails to take into account all you can be in the future. Everything will be okay if you take a deep breath. Your greatest fears and paranoias are often just cognitive distortions that you can overcome

    • Your negative feelings don’t have to change who you are and by reminding yourself of that you can regain control and move past it all

    • Your mistakes, and even the harm that others cause you, do not have to destroy you

    • You are not your thoughts. They are not how you fall apart.

  • Where you are, right now, is what is important. Where you are breathing, and thinking, and feeling. That’s where you are, not where your thoughts want you to be. None of those thoughts in your head are happening right now, either.

    • Focus on the tangible, not the unsubstantiated

    • Focus on the people in your life who are reaching out to comfort you. Take their hand and allow yourself to be comforted. You deserve a chance to feel better. You deserve a chance to be better.
       

And it was just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay

  • Once you have made a moment to clear your mind, you will realize that thoughts, while sometimes painful, do not have the power to confine you into being something you don’t want to be. They are just bad thoughts. Bad thoughts cause bad emotions, and emotions can be questioned.

  • You did the hard work of feeling bad, now it’s your chance to choose how you want to feel going forward. Once you accept that you have the self agency to choose who you want to become, your mistakes and the emotions they cause will no longer have control over you. You will have forgiven yourself, and in doing so, you will be able to accept the comfort of your friends, family, and even new people.

 

We can watch, we can watch, we can watch, we can watch them go by

From here, from here, from here

  • No matter how difficult the circumstance, by allowing yourself to be in the moment it becomes infinitely easier to deal with. Just because you experience negativity does not mean you have to contribute to it.

    • When you stop, even if just for a moment, and remind yourself that you’re here and accept this moment in time as it is, you’ll find that the weight of negativity often becomes far lighter than you thought it could be

      • There will still be pain, but if you run from that pain you never learn how to handle it. By facing it head on, you get to determine how you conquer it

      • It’s raw, and you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable, but by facing your internal anguish head on you come out stronger in the end
         

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love, and trust

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love, and trust

  • Repeat this to yourself when you experience a moment of confusion or emotional pain. Assume positive intent in others and yourself. You have the power to be someone worth loving because you are someone worth loving.

  • You may encounter something enraging online, but it's just a thought, and you can't let it consume you or it will cause collateral damage to the people who are important to you. You can think that it's vitally important to express your anger, to be consumed by your feelings- but this will prevent you from realizing that you are in a cage of negativity that you have the key to. You always have the power to choose who you want to be. You are worth more than the sum of your negatives to those who love you. To accept their love, you must first be able to love yourself again even when you don’t think you deserve it. Be the best you can be, not the worst that you sometimes see.

Context of the Song in the Show

 

  • We discuss spoilers and the show itself. If you have not watched the show, we recommend listening to our advisement to stop watching. We will not post spoilers in the Show Notes out of respect and holding to the belief that this is a show worth watching and watching fresh.

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.