FA 106 Choosing Your Values

Introduction topic

  • THE MOST RELAXING VACATION YOU CAN TAKE IS GOING NOWHERE AT ALL

    • Ephrat Livni - Quartzy

    • Importance of unstructured time

    • “Dolce far niente” - the sweet joy of doing nothing

    • “Remaining close to home—or just in it, hanging out—leaves you refreshed and provides perspective. And it may be the key to your next great idea.”

    • Become comfortable with being alone with yourself; wherever you go, your self comes with!

    • Take time to be present and enjoy wherever you are

      • avoid having a completionist mindset of ticking boxes just to say you’ve been somewhere

Topic

When is it a good idea to step away from family?

  • Toxic behavior

  • Emotional blackmail/coercion

  • Abusive/threatening behavior

  • Lack of acceptance

  • Need to create space to establish own values/priorities

Why reconnect with family?

  • Source of stability/constancy in your life

  • Reconnecting with unconditional love underlying family bonds

  • Greater understanding of self (family of origin)

  • If they loved you before, they can love you again

  • Support Structure

When is the right time to reconnect with family?

  • Financial independence

  • Stable, independent living situation

    • no risk, nothing to lose if your family chooses to reject you.

  • After time to heal / develop “new normal”

    • “Most parents prefer having a gay son to no son at all”
      - Dan Savage

  • Times of crisis (family member ill/dying)

How to reconnect with family

  • Non-violent communication

    • Provide “first-aid” empathy

      • Seek to understand before seeking to be understood

    • Express your feelings and needs without placing blame or judgement on your family members

    • Look for a “win-win”

      • “My lifestyle is not the same as your lifestyle, but both are okay, and we can choose to live the life that we want”

  • Look for ways to spend time together that will meet everyone’s needs

  • Don’t rush it, go at your own pace

    • Reconnection isn’t going to happen overnight

Feedback

None for this week

Question(s)

  • What are some of the best techniques you could offer to help get over a toxic relationship? Doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or friends.

    • Self-empathy

    • Self-care

    • Choosing to control what you can (your actions/perceptions/interpretations) and release control of what you cannot (your abuser’s past actions, what your abuser does now)

    • Forgive your abuser (even if you don’t let them know)

      • Empathy and understanding can lessen pain

      • Forgiveness does not absolve someone of being responsible for their actions or of being held accountable

    • Forgive yourself for allowing the abuse to happen as long as it did

      • You are only capable of doing your best at any given moment, given the information you have

      • It is impossible to make a mistake; mistake is a judgement applied to an action after it has occurred

    • Figure out what you were getting from the toxic relationship

      • Try to figure out how you can get these needs met in a healthier way

      • Be mindful not to enter into a relationship with someone very like your previous partner

        • We are often attracted to what feels familiar, not what feels good

Closer

  • Other business

    • Patreon

      • Joel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/

Viro the Science Collie

Viro Science Collie is a PhD virologist and medical writer, experienced in teaching, technical communication, and writing for the public. He has been active in the furry community since 2012 and has been happily and ethically non-monogamous for much of that time. His interests include non-traditional relationship structures, technology, biological science, and tennis.