FA 105 Choosing Your Values

Introduction

  • Rebooting the show

  • Update on what’s been happening during the hiatus

  • Explaining the new format

Topic

What Are Values?

  • “a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life” - Google Dictionary

  • We use our values to make judgements, particularly judgements of good and bad or right and wrong

  • Chase’s perspective on values

    • Personal constitution or bill of rights

    • Values (In Combination with Morals and Ethics) form a personal doctrine by which to live

    • Affects all decisions in Life

    • Much like Laws, can be changed but it is a difficult process

Where Do Our Values Come From?

  • Parents

  • Peers

    • Friends

    • Relationship partners

  • Society

    • Society at large

    • Subcultures we participate in

Types of Values

  • Fear-based values

    • Values based on fear are those that cause you to take action in order to avoid something

    • Think “have to”

    • Common fear-based values

      • Safety / Security

      • Absence of pain

      • Avoidance of conflict/confrontation

      • Physical appearance

      • Power/Control

      • Privacy

      • Religousity (fear of hell)

      • Recognition / Respect

      • Knowledge (based in fear of the unknown)

  • Consciousness-based values

    • What do we mean by consciousness?

      • Consciousness is your awareness of who you *really* are, as opposed to the “you” that you believe yourself to be, or the you that you were taught you were supposed to be

    • Consciousness-based values are those that cause you to take action to bring something desirable into your world

    • Think “want to”

    • Common consciousness-based values:

      • Pleasure/sensuality (as opposed to absence of pain)

      • Freedom (as opposed to security)

        • “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” - Ben Franklin

      • Achievement

        • Vs recognition (internal to self)

      • Leadership

        • Vs. control/management
          (lead self before leading others)

      • Adventure/novelty

      • Autonomy

      • Spirituality (vs. religiousity, internal/external)

        • Chase Wolf: Notes on his experiences growing up in a religious household and finding spirituality outside of that setting.

      • Personal growth

      • Intimacy (vs privacy)

      • Community

        • A metavalue; valuing others who share your values

        • Important to know what your values are and what those of your community are to know whether it’s a good fit

          • If a conflict in values are present:

            • Accept paying the “price of admission” to be part of the community and tolerate the difference

            • Examine your values, and decide whether yours should change

            • Choose not to be a part of the community, and find a community that is a better fit for you

        • Chase Wolf: Notes on changes in the Gamer Community values and the impacts thereof.

      • Self-expression

      • Fulfillment

      • Truth

      • Justice

      • Knowledge (based in curiosity, as opposed to fear of the unknown)

        • Chase Wolf: Notes on his curiosity in understanding the ABDL/Baby-Fur community allowing a shift in opinion

  • Having fear-based values is not necessarily a bad thing, but as a general rule, happier people tend to hold more consciousness-based values than fear-based values

    • Chase Wolf: Often, fear-based values are those instilled in us by friends, family, and society.

Choosing Your Values

  • Think of each new moment as a fresh opportunity to decide who you want to be; the greatest freedom is the freedom of choice

  • “It is better to follow the voice inside and be at war with the whole world, than to follow the ways of the world and be at war with your deepest self” - Counselor and educator Michael Pastore

  • What are your values?

    • What situations or conflicts make you highly emotional, either positively or negatively?

      • Think about what value was respected in the situations that made you feel positively

      • Think about what value was not respected in the situations that made you feel negatively

    • Empowering questions to ask yourself:

      • What am I unwilling to tolerate?

      • What am I unwilling to give up?

      • What recharges my batteries?

      • What really makes me feel excited?

      • What experiences or activities have the most meaning for me?

      • Why do I “need” the things I tell myself I need?

      • When do I compromise my values? Why?

      • What keeps me going when times get tough?

      • Where is there a gap between who I am and who I really know myself to be?

  • Why choose new values?

    • When different values conflict with one another

    • Reconciling values with a relationship partner or a community

    • When acting according to a certain value just doesn’t feel right

    • When you realize a value is coming from outside, and isn’t something you really care about

    • When a particular value is constantly transgressed, to the point that it is draining your energy and emotional bandwidth

    • When failing to live up to a value is causing you great deals of shame, guilt, anger, anxiety, or fear

    • How Chase changed his values to serve him better

    • How changes in Chase’s values allowed him to overcome issues in his life

  • Values Assessment Tool

Feedback

None for this week

Question(s)

  • Subject: Mates now metamours

    • My two mates recently broke up with each other leaving me in the middle. One mate is desperately clinging to me and the other is constantly offering advice on how to keep my other relationship healthy. How do I just let things happen without the other thinking they had a hand in it?

    • Received via contact form (anonymous)

Closer

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      • Joel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/

Viro the Science Collie

Viro Science Collie is a PhD virologist and medical writer, experienced in teaching, technical communication, and writing for the public. He has been active in the furry community since 2012 and has been happily and ethically non-monogamous for much of that time. His interests include non-traditional relationship structures, technology, biological science, and tennis.