FA 098 All Questions Show vol 9

Introduction topic

  • Viro’s experience at FC 2018

    • Panel

    • Party

Question(s)

  • Question 1

    • Subject:

      • I feel sexually stunted compared to my mate

    • Body:

      • I had always been a...unique individual growing up. I hadn't developed a sex drive until after high school and didn't even paw off for the first time until I was already of drinking age. I had somehow developed a non-curiosity when it came to certain things - when my parents told me "No," or "Don't Do That," something in my brain immediately turned those things off as options.  Premarital sex was one of those things.  Sure, I took the sex ed classes at school, but I was far from interested in engaging in sex before I had met "The One,".  I even completely avoid porn or nudity because it makes me uncomfortable - I don't even like walking around in my underwear in the privacy of my own home. As a result my relationships had been for the most part "innocent" (Read:  Sex-less).  Once I realized that I was gay, I did end up experimenting and laying with a few people, but experiences were very few and very far between, mostly because I lacked the sex drive to seek such a relationship.  In the end, my experiences had led me to the conclusion that I don't actually like sex - what I crave is intimacy and I can get that from cuddles or pillow talk.  Sweet nothings whispered in the ear. Enter my current mate.  We had been friends for a long time and I had known of his much higher sex drive before getting together with him.  He says he's okay with not having as much sex because he cares that much about me and doesn't want to pressure me, so as a consolation for my lack of a drive I've offered him a deal - as much as I am uncomfortable with the idea of an open relationship, I wanted to make sure his needs were taken care of and not pushed aside just because I'm not prepared to do so, so long as he sticks to a few guidelines:

      • 1)  I'm asked first/told beforehand.  If I am not up for it or not able to be there, then he can gallivant with someone else if he so desires.

      • 2)  I need to have at least met the person in question.  I want to be able to put a face with the name.  If I don't like them or don't trust them, I have veto power.

      • 3)  He stays safe.  Uses protection, gets checked up every so often, makes sure there's enough lube, etc.

      • 4)  If he wants to participate in activity at a convention, I need to be at the convention as well even if I'm not participating.

      • With these rules I think I've said no to him once and that was because I hadn't met the person in question.

      • Here's where I'm starting to have a problem.  My mate has been wanting to go to Underwear Parties that have been advertised as turning basically into sex parties, where people pair off or group up at the end of the night and can "play" together in public areas or in the privacy of other rooms.  Now, because of the amount of people that goes to these things, it kind of falls under the Convention part of the guidelines we've set up.  The concept is INCREDIBLY uncomfortable for me...but I feel like that the main pull for him is the sex.  Literally, when I said I didn't think I wanted to go, he was debating whether he still wanted to go, himself.  I don't want to deprive him of an opportunity to satisfy himself or to be social - his work schedule rarely allows for him to interact with other people in general let alone go to parties - but I'm afraid that if I go then I'll be subjected to experiences I'd rather not have - porn, sex in public areas, being groped (I read your underwear party article on what to expect at such events), etc. - and would ruin the party for everyone involved with my awkwardness.

      • To be honest...I want to get over this.  CAN I get over this?  I feel like I'm just holding him back and that's the last thing I want.  But I don't know how to get over something that almost literally turns my stomach just thinking about it.  Is there anything I CAN do?

  • Question 2

    • Subject:  Recently discovered bisexuality

    • Body:

      • Hello :) I’ve been with my mate for almost a year now. I’m male and they’re female. My whole life (being raised very religious) I fought my homosexual feelings, but I’ve recently decided to stop fighting them and come out as bisexual. My mate fully supports me in this and has been amazing through my coming out (at least to close friends, not yet my family). I love her to death. The problem is I want to try sexual things with males, but my mate isn’t at all interested in threesomes or opening our relationship. I completely respect that, and would never act outside her trust. But as a newfound bisexual man (with a cuckold fetish no less) im very interested in a threesome with a man. So basically I want to experiment with men but she isn’t comfortable with it. So my question is, what’s a way I can experience men without actually having a male in the bed? I respect her boundaries yet I’m disappointed I might never get to have sex with a man. I can still enjoy sex with her but my greatest fantasy is a threesome. How can I achieve this while still respecting her limits? Thanks!

  • Question 3

    • Subject:

      • Help! My Penis chafes when I dry-hump my girlfriend

    • Body:

      • Hi guys!

      • Long time listener of your show.  The knowledge I've gained and applied from this show has made me so much happier and successful in romance and friendships.  I can't thank you enough for what you're doing and I'm looking forward to your comeback in the new year.

      • Over the past few months, I've been cultivating a new romance with an amazing lady who's also in the fandom.  We're taking it slow which is really good for both of us.  One of the rules which has been set forth is no penetrative sex for the time being.  This in itself is not a issue - we've had plenty fun finding ways around that (like accidentally unlocking some each other's kinks in the heat of the moment, oh my goodness its amazing).

      • Dry-humping is a significant part of foreplay that we enjoy.  However, doing that through two layers of underwear causes chafing on my penis, as you can probably imagine!  I have some solutions in mind, but I want to hear what you guys think I should do.  I'm not sure if wearing a condom would help, and I've definitely thought of wearing softer underwear, but I'm not sure what fabrics to look for?  Side note: I'm circumcised.

  • Question 4

    • Subject:

      • Unrealistic Porn Preference

    • Body:

      • I wanted to get your perspective on a problem that I’m having.

      • For several years, I have been interested in various “extreme” unrealistic types of porn (inflation, vore, weight gain, transformation, etc.). However, I am concerned that an interest in porn like this might be impacting my ability to enjoy real-life sex. I’ve found my ability to become and remain aroused in sexual situations to be… lacking, to say the least. I have a hard time getting off and deriving pleasure from sex in the same way I do when I masturbate to more fantastic porn.

      • For reference, I am somewhat sexually inexperienced. I’ve only ever been intimate with 6 people, 3 of which have been in the past year (I’m currently in a poly relationship and I have occasional sexytimes with my two partners, and our mutual friend with benefits). I make it a point to use condoms every time. I’m still learning how to please, and be pleased by, other people sexually. I am gender non-binary, assigned male at birth.

      • So, am I damaging my libido by looking at unrealistic porn? Or might it just be something as simple as a lack of sexual experience? I know it’s kind of hard to make such a sweeping generalization about someone, but is the idea that unrealistic porn impacts your ability to enjoy real sex grounded in reality, or completely baseless?

      • As a side note, I am a big fan of the show, and I think that you two are doing a massive service to the fandom by providing so much valuable sex and relationship advice. Your attention to detail and almost academic conversation style are a nice change of pace from the more casual “advice” vlogs and podcasts. Keep up the good work!

  • Question 5

    • Subject:

      • Am I too sexual for my long-distance mate?

    • Body:

      • So, my boyfriend is new to being what he says bisexual. He's 34 and under my understanding he's never dated anyone IRL, though he did have a boyfriend before me. But it was an online/distant like how mine and his currently are. I live in Florida and he lives in England.

      • He has never had any sexual experiences with anyone else other than himself IRL, and neither have I. We are both virgins IRL. But I am the first one to take his RP virginity (my RP virginity was long gone). He says he's been BI for about a month or two. So all the sexual stuff is new to him. So he's really nervous and afraid of disappointing me. And that's just in general, not including sexual things. He's a worrier and worried that he'll do something to upset me.

      • He's also afraid of not being able to perform one day when I do decide to get sexual with him IRL. I told him that IRL I'll be nervous as hell and IDK what I'd be doing. I may know what I'm doing in RP. But I'm a completely different person IRL. But yeah, he's new to sex, uncomfortable about it, unsure, and doesn't want to disappoint.

      • Meanwhile. I enjoy the sexual things I do with my friends although it's only in RP and nudes. He's also ok with me having friends with benefits as long as it doesn't impede our relationship.

      • I want to stay faithful to him and him be the only one that I do things with. But he doesn't really know what he's doing in RP and I get the feeling he's uncomfortable about it all because like I said he's only been bi for about a month.

      • I feel that I'm too sexual for him, and IDK what to do. That's why I do sex RP with some of my friends. I told him that I felt bad after doing some sex stuff with friends last night. But I feel that if I RP and go nude with my friends then I won't want to have sex and do RP with him as much. And I'm thinking that would make him feel a lot less insecure.

      • I want him to feel comfortable and I don't want this to split me and him apart.

      • Also, I have feelings for another guy who lives closer to me. We're FWB, and in general really close friends. He's two years younger than me, but the thing is he's not looking and I'm already in an relationship which I don't think that my boyfriend would be very happy with if it were to be poly.

Closer

 

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Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.