FA 096 Cuckolding and Hotwifeing

Introduction topic

  • How social networking keeps people healthy - Eva Beuchel in the Journal of Consumer Psychology

    • "When people feel badly, they have a need to reach out to others because this can help reduce negative emotions and restore a sense of well-being," says Eva Buechel, a professor in the business school at the University of South Carolina. "But talking to someone face-to-face or on the phone might feel daunting because people may worry that they are bothering them. Sharing a status update on Facebook or tweet on Twitter allows people to reach out to a large audience in a more undirected manner."

    • Responses on online social networks are more voluntary.

    • Buechel discovered that people who were higher on the social apprehension scale were more likely to microblog after they had experienced negative emotions. People who were low on the social apprehension scale, however, were more interested in sharing face-to-face or via direct message after watching the scary clip.

    • She acknowledges that there is a danger for those who start to rely on social media as their only form of communication, but when used wisely, microblogging can be a valuable means of buffering negative emotions through social interaction.



Cuckolding and Hotwifeing: What do they mean to you?

  • These kinks are often thought of as being “consensual cheating”

    • In hotwifeing or hothusbanding, a person encourages, aids, and abets his or her mate in finding other sexual and romantic partners, while expecting to be excluded from the sex that will be had (consensual)

      • Those who enjoy this kink describe feeling empowered by being able to seek outside sexual encounters and tend to enjoy renewed sexual passion from being new to their partner again

      • Wingman for your partner

      • Great in D/s poly!

        • Power Circuits book

      • “Dungeon monitor” for guest doms

        • Make sub more comfy in subspace

      • Greater trust and intimacy can paradoxically grow from allowing your partner to stray

        • “If you love someone, set them free”

    • Cuckolding is a more extreme form of this consensual cheating, with overtones of humiliation and degradation for the cheated on partner (the cuckold, or cuck) — still consensual

      • Generally, the cuckold is the driving force behind the kink, craving the humiliation and degradation that come from the jealousy of being cheated on in an eroticized way

      • The partner of the cuckold invites a special guest star called a “bull” into the bedroom to pleasure him or her sexually, in some cases while explicitly degrading and humiliating the cuckold

      • Consider starting with roleplay or a FaceTime Bull (good for emotional safety)

Cuckolding and Hotwifeing Variations

  • Cuckolding and hotwifeing tend to be practiced in one of two modes, or a mixture of both

    • “At home” scenes involve the bull coming to the claim the cuckold’s partner directly in front of him or her, increasing opportunities for humiliation and degradation as well as compersion

    • “Away” scenes tend to involve the cuckold’s partner or hotwife going to visit a bull for one-on-one play. The cuckold then expects to hear of his or her partner’s exploits at some future time, often within the context of sexual play between the cuckold and his or her partner

Finding a bull

  • Make sure the bull understands his or her role

    • The bull is not there to be a homewrecker

      • The bull might talk a big game about stealing partners during scene play, but it’s important that everyone know this is roleplay

    • The bull should not assume the cuckold is down to be humiliated or degraded outside of scene play without discussion

      • Do not shame the cuckold on social media without permission

      • Do not put down or humiliate the cuckold in ways unrelated to the cuckold dynamic without permission

    • Talk with the cuckold about how involved he or she would like to be in partner selection

Cuckolding / hotwifeing Aftercare

  • Check in with each other about feelings often

    • Do not judge or shame your partner for not being fully “on board” if negative emotions such as envy, jealousy, and FOMO develop in the relationship

  • After every scene, try to spend time together normally, particularly when new to these varsity-level kinks

    • Cuck, bull, and partner all go out for ice cream might sound a little silly, but getting to know each other and appreciate each other’s human sides will make scene play less threatening

  • If something goes wrong emotionally during a scene and the cuckold is no longer enjoying his or her self-imposed agony, it is important the the cuckold have a safeword

    • If the cuckold safewords, it becomes the job of both other parties to comfort and reassure the cuckold

      • The bull remaining cold and aloof during an emotional breakdown such as this can prevent the cuckold from breaking out of a negative emotional spiral

        • A little compassion goes a long way with getting a cuckold back on his or her feet


  • Subject: Selfishness in relationships

    • Question / Message / Feedback: Hi Feral Attraction! I have a question about being selfish in a relationship. You talk a lot about focusing on yourself in your show, but I sometimes feel guilty about doing that. My question is when is it okay to be selfish in a relationship and how can I stop feeling guilty about it?


  • Next week’s topic: Journaling and Self Reflection

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Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.