FA 094 Sexual Etiquette

Introduction topic

  • https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/cuckolding/

Topic

Sexual Etiquette 101

  • Enthusiastic Consent is Sexy

    • A general rule of thumb is “your partner can’t give you what you don’t ask for, and if you don’t ask for something you’re taking it from them”. While in established, longterm partnerships you can feel more comfortable and it can be understood that you or your mates might try to initiate or try out a new kink, if this is a new mate it is always best and ethical to ask

    • If you don’t ask and you do not receive you do not get to be disappointed

      • We are not mindreaders, so stop expecting your sex buddy to read your mind

  • Take care of people’s belongings

    • It can be easy in the heat of the moment to rip off a shirt or throw clothes/watches/glasses away, but try to be careful with your partner’s belongings (especially if it’s your first time with them!)

    • If in fursuit be gentle!!!

  • Take care of YOUR belongings

    • Remove jewelry or things that can dangle

  • Consider putting your phone on Silent

  • Hygiene!

    • Musk: should I shower first? Should I wear deodorant? Trimming preferences?

  • Bottom prep!

    • Douche, shave, etc., towel/tissues

      • If you want to do a quick towel off, ask your partner if they want one as well

      • It helps to keep kleenex or napkins nearby for quick cleanup of liquid spills and mistakes

  • Top prep

    • Condoms, lube

  • Communicate

    • Sex is not a game of grunts and squeals, it is a different means of intimate conversation

    • Ask if something feels nice, or if you want to change positions, or if you want to try something

    • Do not freak out if your partner wants to try something you’re not interested in (e.g. watersports, BDSM, etc…). Say no and move on to some other fun activity

    • Don’t be mute,

      • This isn’t the library, make some fucking noise about what you want, what feels good, and what you want to try

      • if you prefer not to communicate/talk during sex try pre-negotiation to keep your mind in the zone and to keep yourself safe!

    • Don’t be unnecessarily critical or mean

      • “My ex was better at XXXXXXXX than you are.”

      • “Wow you suck at sucking!”

      • Don’t compare partners to each other negatively

      • Compliment unique qualities without putting others down

  • Don’t leave the minute after you cum

    • Sometimes a little additional physical intimacy, plus the option to talk about what you liked can be nice, and it also makes your partner feel more valued

  • If you want to shower, offer to shower together if you feel comfortable

  • If you leave the room post-sex, ask your partner if they want anything

  • Don’t try something without asking first

    • Anal

  • Try to declutter the room if necessary

    • Laundry on the bed

    • Kick any pets out of the room

    • Turn off the TV or other interactive media

Question(s)

  • Subject: My mate and I are at a crossroads, and there's nothing I can do about it.

    • Question / Message / Feedback: Hello again FA! You may remember from back when I was asking about wanting an open relationship with a closed partner (back on FA 044). We found a happy resolution for a bit, but he was constantly reminding me of what we'd decided, in essence guilt tripping me. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that perhaps this isn't the kind of relationship I want, and that perhaps a mixed or polyamorous relationship would be something I'd want to try. We have been having arguments consistently, once every few days. The little things he does make me flare up at him. I think the months of guilt-tripping (on more than one front) and lack of discern for my needs has made me bitter, and I don't even think I feel anything for this individual anymore, which is a hard thing to say as I think in general the last two and a half years have been a great part of my life. However, there's one other thing preventing me from ending the relationship. Back in June, I was prevented from accessing the Internet for two to three months. This was because my parents found unscrupulous pictures between myself and a close long-time friend. They threatened police involvement, and this really impacted both my intimate relationship and all of my friendships. It was a very tough time for me, as I was essentially isolated for the summer. Since June, I have been prohibited access to the Internet, except to talk to my mate. Of course, I wouldn't be sending this if I abided by that. If I break up with my mate, I won't have any reason to go online to talk to him. We'd have to pretend to be a couple, which would tear him up even more. If it was found out that I'm online, I'd be pulled from my senior year of high school for homeschooling and I'd likely be offline for a year. So, TL;DR: I'm unhappy in my relationship. I've felt restricted, and when I haven't, I've felt punished for wanting more than one partner. I can't escape this relationship because of technicalities that would affect 95% of my social life. I'm so stuck, it's affecting me emotionally and the only thing keeping me floating is the friends my parents don't want me to have (sex-driven strangers and pedophiles, in their eyes). Is there anything you can recommend? Thanks again. Keep doing your stuff. I've got to catch up on FA. It's been too long.

Closer

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Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.