FA 088 Planning Your First Con

Introduction topic

  • A relationship expert says one word can defuse a fight with your partner — but most people don't use it enough. Business Insider, Shana Lebowitz

    • Relationships are all about vulnerability. The closer you are with someone, the more power they have to hurt you

      • Hal Runkel, a family and marriage counselor, puts it eloquently: "No one can touch you like the one you expose yourself most to, but no one can hurt you like the one you expose yourself the most to."

    • Rather than lashing back out, Runkel suggests people employ the word Ouch instead.

      • Here's where the word "ouch" comes in handy. Runkel explained that the best response in this situation is simply, "Ouch. That one hurt. I don't know if you were meaning to hurt me; I don't know if that's what you were going for; but that's what you did."

      • Your partner may get defensive and say something back like, "You've said some pretty hurtful things to me!"

      • Now here's your line: "You're right. I have, and I hate that I have."

      • "That conversation —which was a very familiar path, that fight — is now a totally different path because one of you chose to actually get vulnerable," Runkel said.

    • Ideally, when you implement Runkel's strategy, your partner will respond in kind, and you two can have a calm conversation about what's bothering you. Yet Runkel also mentioned that your partner's next sentence after you admit that you've been hurt will tell you a lot about your relationship.


What Convention is Right For You?

How to Budget?

  • Make a list a few months before the convention

    • Initially write down all known expenses associated with the con, when they are due, and when you have paid them

      • Registration / Badge

      • Hotel

      • Transportation

    • Then budget out for food

      • You should anticipate ten dollars for lunch and between ten-fifteen dollars for dinner

      • Many conventions partner with local restaurants to have special deals and discounts. Check the con website for more information, or email them with inquiries

      • If you are rooming with people, you might consider pooling together and going to a grocery store. Many hotels offer a small fridge, and you can prepare many cheap meals that can be eaten at a discount, especially if in a more expensive city

    • Then budget out for emergencies

      • Medical expenses

      • Something breaks (cell phone charger, etc…)

      • You forgot something you absolutely need

    • Then budget out for Fun

      • Dealer’s Den

      • Parties

      • Excursions

      • “Nice” dinners

    • You should always overbudget for things like fun, food, and emergencies, because while they can be mitigated, they can’t be accurately predicted

    • Once you have an estimated budget, start making plans

      • For domestic flights / travel, book your tickets two to three months in advance for best prices, and try to travel on a Tuesday or a Wednesday

      • Find a way with your current income to put money aside on a paycheck by paycheck basis that does not cause you to neglect current bills or obligations you might have

      • Ensure that you have enough tucked away that you can cover bills and expenses while at your convention as well (you might be out of state but your landlord still wants your rent).


  • Subject: Boundaries on Sharing Yiffy Pictures (Via Telegram)

    • My boyfriend and I are in a really tough disagreement that we can’t see eye to eye on. I have a kink where I like sending pornography (preferably yiff) to other people to turn them on, which in turn, turns me on. Usually I’ll say lewd or provocative things and the other person will too, which upsets him even more. While I see it as harmless flirtation and masturbation, my boyfriend views it as a violation of boundaries that he and I have. We disagree on this because I don’t want to give it up. I enjoy it and don’t see anything wrong with it, while he wants me to give it up because he sees everything wrong with it. What I’m asking is this: is he being overly jealous or otherwise resistant to my kinks? We are in a monogamous relationship and, other than some threesomes he and I have had, neither of us have sought IRL encounters with others.


  • Next week’s topic: Feral Attraction Guide to Convention Attendance

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Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.