Couples Try Being Totally Honest For One Week (Buzzfeed Video)
Try specific challenges with your mate(s) to inspire radical honesty
The furry fandom and drugs / alcohol
Why is it that we as a fandom tend to revolve around drinking and drugs to feel “natural” or to have a good time?
The inability to make important decisions when drunk / high
Relationships and addiction
Metriko has stories here he would like to share
Emotional boundaries and integrity
Viro: When does a substance become a problem?
Interfering with enjoyment/performance in other daily activities
Viro: Positive uses of alcohol/pot
Enhancement of sexual experiences (not a requirement)
Alcohol - can be helpful if premature, can be relaxing for bottoms
Use it to feel even better, not to feel better!
Weed - indica strains enhance tactile sensation, tend to be energetic and pro-social
Viro: Safety at conventions
Subject: Should I re-establish a friendship with a former mate?
Hello Metriko and Viro the Science Collie!
Thank you so much for your show! I am currently working on listening to as many (probably all) of the episodes I can. Your show has given me the tools I needed to unbox the feelings I’ve been holding onto from a past relationship that ended poorly and view with those memories and experiences in a healthy way. I’ve come to the understanding that it’s what I did, not who I am, that caused the relationship to fail. Once I realized that, I have been using my experiences to explore my own integrity and how to ethically communicate my boundaries to others in current and future relationships.
I do have some questions I would appreciate your insight on, and I will attempt to make the background as brief as possible without leaving out pertinent information.
The aforementioned relationship was my first relationship with a same-sexed individual, and in many ways my first relationship. It developed on the heels of me discovering my sexuality at the ripe age of 20 (fabulously gay). I was, and still am, a closeted individual. My only tools to navigate a relationship were those taught in the church I was raised in, so I attempted to construct a strictly monogamous long distance relationship modeled after this religious model. I quickly discovered it was difficult for me to keep the boundaries we agreed upon. I also discovered facets of my ex that I did not know going into the relationship; I had a strong feeling he wished to be financially dependent on his mate at some point in his life. As I was closeted, I was hesitant and put off discussions of when, and how, our long term relationship would become a local one. Shortly after, he began using physical intimacy as incentive for moving closer together and withheld role play and camera sessions we previously enjoyed.
I remember being extraordinarily happy with our relationship for the first few months; I had a special someone who would listen and care for me, and I him. As these different expectations for our relationship began to unfold, I felt the relationship burdensome and unfulfilling for both of us, despite my mate saying otherwise. I just couldn't give him what he wanted. I was frustrated at the pressure to meet or move in soon, the lack of sexual intimacy, and the thought financially supporting my mate. At the time, I was struggling in college and uncertain of my future career. After several heart-to-heart conversations, and a few periods where we took a break, I came to realize I wanted to end the relationship. However, my ex did not, and believed we were soul mates, and that he would always have hope we would get back together. I eventually ceased contact with him, and it has been a year since we’ve spoken. I feel strongly that if I were to contact him, he would still be in the same situation I left him in, unable to move on, based on our numerous breaks in our relationship where we wouldn’t talk for a few months.
My questions are as follows: Would it be wise to reach out to him and definitively tell him I’ve moved on? How should I approach that conversation if it is wise? How should we establish our new relationship (or lack thereof) post-break up; i.e. no more contact, perhaps becoming friends again after a period of time for healing? I ultimately don’t want to be in a relationship or friendship with him or anyone where I’m unhappy trying to make the other party happy, I feel this is a legitimate fear if we re-establish a friendship. What should I look for to confirm or deny these fears?
Thank you again for your podcast! I look forward to your thoughts.
Next week’s topic: ALL QUESTIONS SHOW
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