FA 070 Drugs & Alcohol

Introduction topic

Topic

 

  • The furry fandom and drugs / alcohol

    • Why is it that we as a fandom tend to revolve around drinking and drugs to feel “natural” or to have a good time?

  • The inability to make important decisions when drunk / high

  • Self-medicating

  • Relationships and addiction

    • Metriko has stories here he would like to share

  • Emotional boundaries and integrity

  • Viro: When does a substance become a problem?

    • Interfering with enjoyment/performance in other daily activities

  • Viro: Positive uses of alcohol/pot

    • Social lubrication

    • Enhancement of sexual experiences (not a requirement)

      • Alcohol - can be helpful if premature, can be relaxing for bottoms

        • Use it to feel even better, not to feel better!

      • Weed - indica strains enhance tactile sensation, tend to be energetic and pro-social

  • Viro: Safety at conventions

Question(s)

  • Subject: Should I re-establish a friendship with a former mate?

    • Hello Metriko and Viro the Science Collie!

    • Thank you so much for your show! I am currently working on listening to as many (probably all) of the episodes I can. Your show has given me the tools I needed to unbox the feelings I’ve been holding onto from a past relationship that ended poorly and view with those memories and experiences in a healthy way. I’ve come to the understanding that it’s what I did, not who I am, that caused the relationship to fail. Once I realized that, I have been using my experiences to explore my own integrity and how to ethically communicate my boundaries to others in current and future relationships.

    • I do have some questions I would appreciate your insight on, and I will attempt to make the background as brief as possible without leaving out pertinent information.

    • The aforementioned relationship was my first relationship with a same-sexed individual, and in many ways my first relationship. It developed on the heels of me discovering my sexuality at the ripe age of 20 (fabulously gay). I was, and still am, a closeted individual. My only tools to navigate a relationship were those taught in the church I was raised in, so I attempted to construct a strictly monogamous long distance relationship modeled after this religious model. I quickly discovered it was difficult for me to keep the boundaries we agreed upon. I also discovered facets of my ex that I did not know going into the relationship; I had a strong feeling he wished to be financially dependent on his mate at some point in his life. As I was closeted, I was hesitant and put off discussions of when, and how, our long term relationship would become a local one. Shortly after, he began using physical intimacy as incentive for moving closer together and withheld role play and camera sessions we previously enjoyed.

    • I remember being extraordinarily happy with our relationship for the first few months; I had a special someone who would listen and care for me, and I him. As these different expectations for our relationship began to unfold, I felt the relationship burdensome and unfulfilling for both of us, despite my mate saying otherwise. I just couldn't give him what he wanted. I was frustrated at the pressure to meet or move in soon, the lack of sexual intimacy, and the thought financially supporting my mate. At the time, I was struggling in college and uncertain of my future career. After several heart-to-heart conversations, and a few periods where we took a break, I came to realize I wanted to end the relationship. However, my ex did not, and believed we were soul mates, and that he would always have hope we would get back together. I eventually ceased contact with him, and it has been a year since we’ve spoken. I feel strongly that if I were to contact him, he would still be in the same situation I left him in, unable to move on, based on our numerous breaks in our relationship where we wouldn’t talk for a few months.

    • My questions are as follows: Would it be wise to reach out to him and definitively tell him I’ve moved on? How should I approach that conversation if it is wise? How should we establish our new relationship (or lack thereof) post-break up; i.e. no more contact, perhaps becoming friends again after a period of time for healing? I ultimately don’t want to be in a relationship or friendship with him or anyone where I’m unhappy trying to make the other party happy, I feel this is a legitimate fear if we re-establish a friendship. What should I look for to confirm or deny these fears?

    • Thank you again for your podcast! I look forward to your thoughts.

Closer

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Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.