FA 062 Calming Your Emotions



  • This Hasidic couple’s kinky open marriage could get them ‘shunned forever’

  • They found that open marriage suits them better than their culture’s strict monogamy. “We don’t have jealousy,” Monica said. “We never got to date people, so that made it easier for us.” They even encourage love affairs with others.“It’s been so beautiful to watch [Monica] fall in love with someone else,” James said.

  • The consequences of getting caught would be dire. Adultery is illegal under Jewish law, and offenders are punished with banishment from the community. Husbands and wives are not even allowed to touch each other during a woman’s menstruation. The sexes are kept separate in the synagogue, at weddings and on buses. Monica and James are outwardly religious, but no longer believe in their faith.

  • The couple chooses to remain part of the insular community because “we don’t want to lose our family,” Monica said. “We would be shunned forever.” “We want to inspire other Hasidic couples who also have doubts about God and their marriage,” said James. “We hope to lead by example. By speaking out and breaking the taboo, we hope other Hasidic couples will do the same and feel less alone.”




  • Focus on the present

  • Attend to what is happening in the here and now in a calm way

  • Slow down and focus on doing what is needed to care for yourself in the moment

  • Appreciate the value of using reason and wisdom rather than aggressive, destructive behaviors

    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Episode

    • Bonus Steven Universe Episode

  • Practice empathy with your future self

Interpersonal Effectiveness

  • Identify your needs in relationships

    • Emotional Bandwidth Episode

    • Integrity Episode

  • Find effective, healthy ways to deal with others to have your needs met

    • Respecting yourself and others

      • Healthy Boundaries

    • Listening and communication skills

      • Non-violent communication skills

    • Saying no

  • Find ways to repair relationships

    • Not every argument is a deal breaker or a relationship ender

      • Decatastrophize

    • Non-violent apologies

      • Getting Past the Pain Between Us, Marshall Rosenberg

Distress Tolerance

  • Learn how to get through difficult, emotionally charged episodes

    • Find healthy ways to calm yourself when upset

      • Going to the gym

      • Taking a time out

      • Focusing on sensation and perception

      • Sensory deprivation, turning inwards

    • When you are calmer, you are less likely to make emotionally-charged, potentially destructive decisions

  • Learn how to handle yourself in moments of crisis

    • Game out relationship issues    

      • Cheating

      • Loss of job

    • Avoid problematic behaviors to avoid making the situation worse

  • Learn to accept reality as it is

    • Avoiding problems is not the same as not being hurt

    • Burying pain is not the same as healing

    • Feelings are oftentimes not accurate reflections of reality

    • Metriko: Oftentimes, kind words aren’t kind once they’ve been spoken

Emotion Regulation

  • Ride out strong emotions by accepting them for what they are

    • If you are angry, identify why you are angry

      • Just because you identify the why doesn’t mean there is an immediate solution

    • By recognizing your emotional triggers, you can then begin to decrease the intensity of negative emotions

    • Recognize it’s okay to feel whatever you feel, even “bad” emotions

      • How you react and respond to your emotions, what you choose to do, determines your morality and integrity, not the emotions you have

      • There are no thoughtcrimes!


  • Subject: How to come out being a bisexual furry at home

    • So i've met this furry online with who things got really caught up (we both deeply love each other).But while his family is more acceptant toward toward their son being attracted to both genders, it's not the same here (my parents started to despise the fandom ever since i got "busted" with my previous partner, also a furry) Although my boyfriend offered me his presence when I will decide to come out, i'm afraid that it wouldn't do much good in this situation aka telling my parents that im bisexual AND a furry AND introducing them my partner.(and since he lives in the same country as I would haved move to anyway, i'm afraid they would do everything to stop me doing so). Any suggestion as to what shall I do?


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Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.