FA 060 Sexual Roleplay



New Study Reveals What Queer Singles Are Really Looking For

    • Curtis M. Wong

    • "The study is LGBTQ in America, which Match is touting as the “largest nationally-representative study of American singles who identify as LGBTQ” and was produced in association with Dr. Justin R. Garcia, an evolutionary biologist and gender studies professor at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute."

    • "Among the other findings in the survey, which polled over 1,000 LGBTQ singles between the ages of 18 and 70-plus: 74 percent said their family would support them in a same-sex marriage. Fifty-two percent of lesbians said they want kids, compared to 36 percent of gay men. Mobile apps, unsurprisingly, are the new matchmakers, with 56 percent of respondents saying they’ve dated someone they’ve met online."


Online Roleplay

  • When is it appropriate

    • When a participant is willing

    • Websites that foster roleplay

      • fList

      • Tapestries

      • Furry-telegram-groups.org

  • When is it not appropriate

    • When the participant is not willing / says no if approached

    • On an account or a format that your roleplay partner does not want

      • Personal twitter account

      • Wall posts on Fur Affinity

      • Very long messages

      • Strings of short messages

      • ESL or grammar issues

  • How to approach someone

    • If they list a means (private message, etc…) ask them if they would be interested

  • How to decline

    • Deflect the RP with shut-down actions

      • *coyly evades your advances and pads off*

    • Direct communication “sorry, I’m not looking to RP”

  • General etiquette

    • Don’t use other people’s art or characters for your roleplay, even if you modify the original artwork

    • If someone has an fList or other form of “likes and dislikes” for roleplay, make sure that stay within the parameters they set

      • Prenegotiation for roleplay is a good idea and can create long term roleplay partnerships

    • It might be okay to “guess” at a kink the other person might be into, based on other things they like, and it can be very fun to bullseye someone’s kinks out of the blue, but be careful

      • If you sense the person isn’t responding well, don’t wait for them to object, further, try to RP in a different direction gracefully

      • When trying a kink you aren’t sure of, start with a short action that gives them a chance to RP an escape

        • Not a final action

      • Might be able to keep things on track

        • Example

          • *pulls your hair while stroking your cock*

          • *winces*

          • *leans down to kiss you as your face strains itself, releasing your hair and pulling your cock instead*

          • *murrs*

In Person Roleplay (Scene Play)

  • When is it appropriate

    • When all parties involved are good, giving, and game

    • When the activities being roleplayed are safe, sane, and consensual

  • When is it not appropriate

    • In public with non-consenting participants

      • Events where some form of fetish play / role play is expected or advertised to occur is an exception to this

    • When the roleplay steps over boundaries / enters into hard nos for people that are pre-negotiated

  • How to approach someone

    • BDSM clubs

    • Kink websites

      • FetLife

      • Recon

    • Personals sites

      • Pounced

      • OkCupid

      • Grindr

  • General etiquette

    • Prenegotiation is essential-- if you have questions ahead of the scene, ask

    • Do not agree to do something you are incredibly uncomfortable with

    • Have pre-negotiated safe words and gestures

      • Use words that are not common (NO is not a good safeword)

      • Use gestures that are also not common

        • Clapping three times in a row, or tapping against restraints several times in a row, are good ideas

    • Have pre-negotiated slow words and gestures

      • Unlike safe words (which indicate a hard stop), slow words are for when you enjoy an action but would like to move on without breaking the scene

    • Play with someone you can trust. Asking other individuals about their experiences can go a long way to ensure your enjoyment and safety in the kink scene

  • Scene progression

    • Consider starting with online RP

    • A great idea for progression with a new partner is having a first play session that is dirty talk only

    • Next session, move to the tell, do, tell model

      • Tell them what you’re going to do > monitor for verbal and nonverbal feedback

        • “I’m going to beat that ass”

      • Do what you said you were going to do > monitor for verbal and nonverbal feedback

      • If feedback was positive, remind them what you did

        • “Yeah, that’s right, I beat that ass well, didn’t I?”


  • Subject: I’m losing interest in my boyfriend; is something wrong with me?

    • I'm in a long distance relationship, he's from Texas and I'm from Wisconsin, and things started out fine but I've noticed a change recently. I'm not as physically attracted to him as I used to be. He wants intimacy and sexuality fairly often and as my attraction to him has waned I feel like I can't satisfy him. What worries me the most though is that I still find myself attracted to other people, friends especially, just not my boyfriend. I thought maybe my libido had just decreased until I realized that the attraction to others was still there. To make it clear I've cut out sexuality with others completely. It's a closed relationship. It's gotten to the point where being sexual with my boyfriend feels like a burden sometimes. He wants naughty pictures every day, he wants me to be sexually playful all the time and I just don't want to a lot of the time. It's causing tension in the relationship and I just don't know what to do anymore. Please help, I don't want to lose him over this.


  • Next week’s topic: Accepting love as a damaged individual

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Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.