FA 059 Handling Arguments at Conventions

Introduction topic

  • STDs in NYC at a 30-year high

    • Cases of sexually transmitted diseases are at a 30-year high in New York City, and funding for treatment and prevention had dropped while infection rates climbed, according to a report released Wednesday morning.

    • The rise in STDs in New York City is fairly consistent with the trend across the nation, as the incidence of infection is currently at an all-time high in the U.S. But in the city, the rate of unreported cases was consistently higher than the national average for the past decade, according to the report issued by the city Independent Budget Office.

    • “STD rates are rising and many of the country’s systems for preventing STDs have eroded,” said Jonathan Mermin, the director of the National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD and TB Prevention, a division of the CDC.

    • “During the Great Recession, we at the Health Department had to reduce service to STD programs, and had cuts from the federal government to services that made sure people were tested and treated,” Varma told Metro.

    • While in 2017 the budget will be raised 10 million dollars, mostly in part to the mayor’s intervention, “Federal funding is also essential for these programs, but it is uncertain how those interests will be recognized in the new administration, Varma said.”

Topic

Best Practices for Arguments

  • Keep it private

  • Take a break/cooling period if things get too heated or if you harp on the same detail

  • Think logically, not emotionally

  • Compromise where needed

  • Time/Place/Circumstance (having an argument when tired, cranky, or already otherwise upset never ends well)

  • Apologize and take ownership if you are at fault

  • Use non-violent communication strategies

    • Observe, describe your emotions, describe your needs and wants, make requests, listen actively, reflect back

    • Don’t just do something, stand there

    • Often times mates just need you to feel their pain

  • Don’t say something you’ll immediately regret (“I’m breaking up with you!”)

  • Remember that conventions, while fun, can be points of stress for many people, and factor that into the argument as well

  • Use I-Statements

Breaking up at a Con

  • It’s best not to, unless it is an extreme circumstance

  • If both of your names are on the hotel room, both of you are entitled to stay there

  • Loud arguments can lead to expulsion from the con / hotel, so mind your volume if having a heated argument with a lover

  • If transportation becomes an issue, try to sort that out amongst each other. Don’t strand someone at a convention

Seeing an ex at a con

  • If things did not end well with your former mate, give each other space and try not to instigate

  • If space is an issue, speak with con staff to ensure that they are aware of the situation and can keep an eye out, especially if you are worried about a heated or potentially violent confrontation

  • Don’t air out dirty laundry in public: if you have an issue with someone be an adult and take it to private

Question(s)

  • Subject: How Do I Recover After Being Turned Down?

Hello,

I'm not new to advice columns. However, I felt like I should request some advice from people that sound like they have some expert advice on something I still struggle with. See, recently I was turned down by a guy I liked. He'd turned me down previously and I thought I was over him at that point. However, I realized recently that I still had lingering feelings for him. I told myself a relationship wouldn't happen and maybe I could just satisfy myself with making him happy by doing nice things for him. I think he may have interpreted that as being a pretense for me wishing that those nice things could lead to our relationship becoming more than that of just friends though. To some degree, I think he might have been right.

Now I feel distraught because I'm not sure if I'll ever love again. Whenever I fall for someone they're always either in a relationship already, they aren't looking to be in a relationship or they don't want to be in a relationship with me specifically. I don't have anything against people in polyamorous relationships, but I personally would rather be in a relationship where it's just me and the other guy, keep it simple you know? I've tried online dating and even attending local furry meets, but I only seem to attract guys that are too young or too old. People keep telling me not to give up, but in the face of so much failure and constant rejection from the people I do like, how can I maintain an optimistic outlook for my romantic life?

I'm sorry to bother you over something that probably sounds pretty generic in terms of romantic problems. I'll understand if you'd rather pass this message over completely because it sounds like just whining over the most trivial things. It's something that's important to me though, and I'm not sure who else to ask about these things.

Closer

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Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.