Episode 054 - All-Questions Show Vol. 3 01/18
Top of the Show
The US Preventive Services Task Force has again looked at the evidence and again concluded that genital herpes shouldn't be tested for in asymptomatic adults as part of the standard STD panel. It made a similar recommendation back in 2005. The new guidance issued Tuesday points out two problems that make testing more harm than help: The tests are inaccurate, which can lead to false positives, and there's no cure for genital herpes. Still, people with symptoms should be screened.
"Because current screening methods are often inaccurate, harms of screening include high false-positive rates and potential anxiety and disruption of personal relationships related to diagnosis," task force member Ann Kurth said in a news release from the panel.
one out of every six people aged 14 to 49 years have genital herpes, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Many people who have herpes have no symptoms, or very mild symptoms, so most people who have the disease don't know it
1 Subject: Help! My fitness doesn't match my libido.
When it comes to my sex life, things are pretty awesome right now. I live with a partner whose libido is practically insatiable, much like my own There's one incredibly frustrating problem though: my (female) body can't keep up. If I was with a partner with a lower sex drive than my own I would have a lot of patience for that, as I have done in the past, but now that I'm cohabiting with someone who's up for it as much as me I'm becoming increasingly upset at my body's constraints. I frequently hurt myself in my enthusiasm and regret it afterwards, and things important to me like make sure I drink enough and pee before and sex tend to really ruin the mood. (For a bit of context, I've had problems with my bladder and abdominal pain, and I'm increasingly worrying that these problems are psychological when it comes to sex.) Would you have any advice on how to "hold back the beast" a little and increase my resilience.
2 Subject: Desire to bring an LDR closer, but neither can relocate...please advise!
Hello, as a cis male, I've been reading your advice column for some time now, and now I have a question that hasn't been touched on directly. In a surprisingly short time, I have developed a close and loving bond with a trans girl (e.g. male to female due to gender dysphoria). However, we live two time-zones apart, and mutually desire to eventually live together as mates. Indeed, she has admitted that she will need some support soon, because her father is against her transition on principle, and will eject her upon learning she's going thru with it. Our greatest obstacle is that we both have medical reasons (surgical in nature) to stay where we are for the near future. This would go up to an overlap time where she may not be able to hide her transition from her family. To complicate matter, the pace of the relationship has been so fast that I'm afraid a long delay will cause her to lose patience or panic into bad decisions. Can I please get advice on how to plan what to do, and how to maintain an LDR that has had a rapid pace now facing a relatively long period of forced separation, surgical interruption, and possible stagnation?
3 Subject: I am currently in a relationship and I have fallen for my best friend
I have had trouble with my mate since I moved in a couple months ago. We argue and bicker but get along otherwise, and recently I have been talking to my best friend who is in Guam (he is in the Navy) and we fell in love and I would stay up till the early hours (5am - 6am) talking in text and voice and video (light lovey stuffs I love you and only as far as kisses in RP) my mate is aware that I did this and was fine with it but my problem started when my mate was talking to him and she told him she was going to propose to me and he told her everything about how I had opened up to him and told him I loved him that I was deeply in love with him. She got mad and threatened to make me choose between the two yesterday, after she calmed down she agreed to still let me talk but no lovey and no private chats. I am not going to lie I have very deep feelings for him and I want him he has been there for me emotionally at some very dark points in my life and I can rely on him always to come through even if I just have a nightmare. Help I don't know what to do I can't just confess my love over a public chat with my mate and see if he still feels the same way, I can’t move to Guam without knowing. I know I love him more and it makes me sad that it took another relationship for me to realize who has really been there for me. He is very well mannered and a complete gentleman and I know he won't violate the rules to talk privately, he cares for my mate and has give me orders to take care of her and to see to her needs ;_; I can't help but feel he does love me but is scared of losing my mate as a friend and that since he lives so far away he can only see me on leave. We have talked about how it wouldn't be easy for us unless we married and we even joked about it and how I would love being a sailors girlfriend. I don't know what todo I am dieing inside and I have cried myself to sleep the past 3 nights. Help me please does he still love me ;_;
4 Subject: Please help me with my sexuality!
I will be honest and admit I have dated plus had sex with both Genders. I have always felt like Sex was more of something I tolerated than I enjoyed when it's with someone I don't love. I feel like I'm Demisexual but yet I still prefer romance with guys, and look at Porn of either gender and enjoy.
5 Question: I can't help but feel horrible about how closed my sexual life is
I am definitely not tooting my own horn, and my self esteem rarely ever lets me say this, but I am very attractive person. I could've gotten it a lot, but I didn't. And it always served me well. There was never any gossip about me when I visited my friends. They just gossiped about whoever was doing who in town. I always knew I was clean. Of course I had my couple of one night stands outside of relationships, but the person was always an extremely good friend to the point where I respect them enough as a person and I knew they respected me enough that I can share sex with them as something special. And when I actually was in a relationship, I was all - in with them. Every night. Because of how much doing it with someone I care about meant to me. It was always awesome. Now I am in the furry fandom gay scene where it seems to be the norm to be overly sexual with everyone who tickles your fancy, and if you can fuck 9 people at a con, you win. People I know and love in the fandom just want to go out and get it from whoever they want. You used to only see someone's private areas when they trusted to you, and it felt good to be trusted. In the fandom, someone will throw their stuff in my face because they find me cute enough. It seems so empty. It started to drive me crazy because I didn't want any of this but it was all around so I couldn't avoid it. People flirt with my boyfriend when i'm obviously with him; i'm just supposed to believe it's because I have different views on sex but it often feels extremely disrespectful to me as my boyfriend's partner. I'm supposed to not get jealous when a mutual furry friend of ours grab's my boyfriend's crotch and he responds happily. and if the same is done to me, i'm just supposed to assume that my boyfriend isn't hurt/jealous/angry/upset/confused? It goes againt everything i've known about how two people treat each other. It finally struck me that this was a huge issue for me when my boyfriend, the love of my life and the man I want to do everything and anything for, made a joke implying I was planning on screwing the guys I was hanging out with. I got extremely upset because of this almost-accusation, implying I wouldn't tell him before-hand if I was to have sex with someone else, let alone implying that i'd have an interest to have sex with anyone else at all. He said "oh, I wouldn't care if you didn't tell me about it. I'd actually rather you tell me afterward so I can hear about it. I'd find it SO hot." I broke. My bf was about that life too. How do I know the look he gives me when we have sex, the one I adored and held so dear, isn't the same look he'll give some random guy in the future (assuming I finally become okay with non-monogamy.) I wish I could be like that, though. I wish I could be the way my boyfriend is; the way the furries I speak of are. I wish I didn't hold sex so high anymore because I just feel like i'm missing so many opportunities. I feel like i've degraded my relationship through all of our fights we've had over me thinking he was being disingenuous towards me. I feel like i'm not fun because i'm too uptight about sex which is just this simple human need that can be fun, allegedly. I can't even look at furry porn anymore because it just looks like the characters are experiencing a happiness and a freedom that I cannot feel. Just for clarification, this is not a "I want to have more sex but I can't get any," issue. Though i'm sure those issues exist in the fandom, my experience is that sex in the fandom can easily be obtained really no matter who you are if all of the right guidelines are followed and the parties are comfortable with each other. That seems to be the fandom I live in, but for some reason I can't get on that train. I look on furry twitter and everyone's name is something sexual, usually making cute, comical references to knots, butts and things like that. I can't find a fursuiter on twitter that doesn't have a picture of themselves with their butt facing the making their crotch the focal point of the photo. Furries all over the place flirting and making sexual comments towards each other without any apparent emotional attachment. And it all makes me quite sad. I can't exactly put a finger on why, but I think it's because of how highly I view sex. In my experience before entering the fandom, having a lot of sex was considered "slutty", obviously. My Mom and Dad always told me to "save it for someone special" and that sex is a wonderful thing to be shared amongst two who enjoy ench other and if you stop needing the meaning, it'll lose its luster. To further what my parents taught me, girls in high school were called horrible names if word got around that they had sexual encounters frequently and/or with an abundance of people. And while the sexually-extravagant straight guys in high school weren't nearly as slandered, i've found that the gay male scene outside of the fandom is hugely similar to what females experience. I formed my first gay group of friends when I was about 20 or 21 (I was in the Navy and I didn't really get out that much until I learned I enjoyed dancing at clubs). They were all non-furry and I guess by being around them I learned that they shame frequent and spontaneous sex in the gay community as well. This only strengthened my opinion on sex; people who just go out and do it are somehow unethical. They don't have control. They objectify others for sex and only sex. They're not smart and will be sure to catch something. They don't value sex and won't be able to hold something special with someone else. Stuff like that. I believed it. I believed this is how people act towards sex because it's the only thing i've ever known.
6 Subject: What happens if I get together with my best friend and we break up?
Hi there, I'm currently having a bit of a problem deciding whether I should ask my best friend to become my mate. We've known each other for quite some time and he's been a constant source of support through good times and bad, and knows me better than I know myself. We've had a crush on each other for a while so it's likely he'll say yes if I ask him. My problem is that I don't know what effect this could have on our strong friendship, especially in the event of a break up. He has a large group of our mutual friends around him so I'm afraid of losing not just him, but an entire friendship group. I'm also not sure if I'm good enough for him as we are very different in some aspects. He's very serious and smart, whereas I'm a bit silly and fairly unsophisticated in comparison. We also live on opposite ends of the country so I'm also worried about the long distance aspect of a potential relationship. Is there any advice you have for me?
Next week’s topic: Self-care (during jealousy and breakups)
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