FA 053 Puppy Love

Feral  Attraction
Episode 053 - Puppy Love 01/11

Introduction topic

  • Reacting to hate

    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kp5_aLbIWo

    • Stoic approach to criticism and negativity from others

    • Video provides some personal examples, explains how rejection in dating need not be taken personally

      • Don’t take statements of fact as criticism; own who you are

      • Remember that negativity says more about the other person than it does about you

        • They may be annoyed, in a bad mood, etc.

        • They may be projecting a major insecurity or criticising you for something they despise in themselves

      • Distinguish you reaction from your response

Topic

How to handle a crush

  • Be honest with yourself about what you are feeling

    • Crushes and puppy love are not bad things, and they can feel amazing, but they can lead to poor decision making

  • Try not to confuse a crush with being in love

    • Love takes direct experience and exposure to a person and their personality over time; initial attraction and crushes can lead to love, but they are not the same thing

      • Limerence vs NRE

        • Limerence contains components of anxiety; NRE has more to do with mutual enjoyment and requited affection

        • Limerence is more associated with crushes and puppy love, whereas NRE represents a progression into a full romantic relationship

  • Remember that rejection is not the end of the world, though it often feels that way

    • All feelings pass in time

    • Practice self-care and give yourself what you need to feel comforted as you recover from a rejection

  • If instead the person you’re crushing on does end up returning your feelings, be careful not to move too quickly

    • Compatibility takes time to establish

    • Limerence and NRE mask daily annoyances and subtle incompatibilities that may add up to you and your crush not being a match after all

    • Be wary of moving quickly online before meeting someone IRL

      • Getting along with someone well online does not necessarily mean a relationship will work IRL

        • Video chatting and voice chatting can help to ensure IRL compatibility, but nothing but meeting in person will let you know for sure

  • Before making any major decisions involving someone you are crushing on, make sure to consult a trusted friend for a reality check

    • "You know, it's funny; when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags." - Wanda the Owl, BoJack Horseman

    • A best friend or primary partner is often the best person to check in with, as these people have seen how you behave over time and have probably experienced you crushed out before

How to handle being crushed on

  • Be careful not to lead someone on

    • If you aren’t interested romantically, do not imply that you are

    • See our episode on emotional bandwidth

    • Be prepared to kick the puppy

      • It may feel mean in the short term, but leading someone on is far more painful

        • Delaying rejection spares you in the moment, but hurts both you and the person you are rejecting in the long run

  • Be careful about initiating physical intimacy with someone who is crushing on you

    • They may agree to being “friends with benefits” when what they are actually looking for is a relationship because they are desperate to be with you and will take what they can get

      • More common with younger and less experienced people

      • Carefully weigh whether they would benefit from a fleeting experience with you (campsite rule) or whether they would be better of without

        • Try not to be selfish or think with your dick/vag in this scenario

Question(s)

  • Subject: Anxiety causing headaches in partner search

    • I've been extremely interested in BDSM basically since the moment puberty started. Pretty much about as sure I'm a sub as one can be without the experience to back it up. Unfortunately, I'm still having a hard time actually getting started with it. I've done a ton of reading on the subject, so I'm pretty confident I know what to do, but where I run into problems is with my general anxiety disorder. The long and short of it is I'm a little over-paranoid about basically everyone I come across (perhaps not helped by most of the doms around here being old enough to be my dad). Obviously I need to let my guard down more, but I'm worried about overcorrecting and potentially getting myself in a bad situation. I'm 23, I'm a little socially naïve, I have a few noticeable insecurities, I can definitely see myself being the sort of person that assholes would want to take advantage of. Ultimately, question is: how do open myself up without getting reckless?

Closer

  • Next week’s topic: All-Questions Show Vol. 3

  • Contact info

  • Other business

    • Viro will be at Further Confusion!

      • No panel tho

    • Patreon

      • Snares Plug

        • patreon.com/snares for Meatier Showers

        • For amazing commissions by Snares, visit furaffinity.net/user/furious

      • Zarpaulus Plug

        • If you're a fan of furry in high-tech sci-fi stories you might be interested in the Para-Imperium universe by Zarpaulus (www.paraimperium.wordpress.com).

          • He has recently published a short novel with Thurston Howl Press titled "The Pride of Parahumans", you can go check it out on Amazon

        • If you’re a fan of speculative-fiction, science fiction, or Starcraft you might enjoy Zarpaulus’s writing! Give it a look and consider becoming a patron of theirs at https://www.patreon.com/Zarpaulus

      • Myron

        • Twitter handle is @MyronTheFluffy

        • Feel free to follow me for pictures and my daily red panda-dog ramblings!

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.