Episode 051 - All-Questions Show Vol. 2 12/28
Foxes are statistically more likely to bottom in porn
Foxes are twice as likely to bottom as top, according to a survey of images posted to the site e621
“in a sample of 207 images from the furry image board e621.net from the last 12 months, featuring a fox character with a penis engaging in penetrative sex with a character of another species (who also has a penis), the fox was the receiving partner in 141, or 68%. In other words, a fox is over twice as likely to bottom, rather than top. (In any reasonable formal test you could consider, this is a statistically significant finding, with a 95% confidence interval for how often foxes bottom of 61%-74%.)”
My long-distance mate wants to have sex with others, but I want it to stay special
Greetings. I'm currently engaged in a long distance relationship that's lasted approximately four months. We both love each other dearly, but are not able to visit in person frequently. In fact, we only just saw each other for the first time on the 17th of December, having made the relationship official in early August. During MFF 2016, however, he ended up getting a little too close with another furry for my comfort, and it went past the boundaries that we had previously established for the relationship. There was no actual sex, but some rather dirty dancing and eventually my bf ended up in the bedroom with that same furry cuddling in a pretty quasi-sexual manner. He stopped before they got any further, but it wasn't something I was comfortable with. We made up quite soon afterward, and he told me that he was sorry for stepping out of line. Fast forward to Christmas day this year, and he's told me that things aren't as satisfying for him as he would like. Keep in mind, we've only sex-roleplayed over Telegram and haven't done much else. No sexual skype chats, nudes, nothing else. Well, he wanted to know if it would be ok for him to do cuddling in and occasionally out of suit. That's something I think I would be able to get along with as long as it was relatively safe. Then he asked for some dirty dancing, and that's when I started to feel a bit uncomfortable. Then he asked for doing things with other people up to but not including anal. This is where I started having some really mixed feelings. On one hand, I want him to be satisfied in this relationship and I want us both to be happy. He also mentioned that he still wants me as the primary mate, and that he's not looking to replace me or anything. On the other hand, we haven't even kissed each other in real life, let alone had sex. I feel like I am being replaced even though we've never done anything in real life to begin with! I really want to be able to let him enjoy himself more, and in my own fantasies the idea is quite arousing. However I've been struggling with depression for a while now and I would feel crushed knowing that some other random furry had sexual relations with him before I could even kiss him. The idea came up of "How about if I don't tell you? A kind of what happens at the con stays at the con deal". The problem with that is that I would know that every con he goes to he's probably doing something sexual and I'd feel even more helpless. He's told me that he would be willing to let me have physical/RP relations with other people too, but RP just isn't the same as real sex, and I haven't a chance at real physical encounters because I'm not comfortable with using Grindr or just random hookups, and I don't have a car. I'm truly at a loss here. I love him dearly, he's my whole world. We make each other better people, we're there for each other through thick and thin. Again, he's made it clear that he still loves me dearly and wants us to stay together. I'm determined to make this work too, I really truly am. But I need some help here, and I would like to hear your guys' opinion on the matter. I also plan to talk about this with my therapist. Thank you for your time.
Sexual play didn’t go the way my friend expected, and now I fear our relationship is lost
I would like enquire some advice about a matter thats been bothering me for some time. I'm from South-Africa, I live in a small drive through town where there's no one besides myself thats a furry. I have been living in isolation with this fact for about 10 if not more years. The town is pretty much a common town where the expectations of personal relationships follow the old traditions of Man and woman only being able to have an intemate relationship. Any other Gay or Lesbian relationships are frowned appon. My personal sexual orientation is Bi, I do find aspects of both genders appealing. How ever, back to my question. I recently in the month of April attend my very first furry convention, with 3 friends I've met a couple of years ago through Second life. It was also my very first time trevelling internationally, and was quite the memrable time of my life, 2 of my dreams came true that month. How ever during the convention, the second day in, 2 of my friends whom we shared a bed with wanted to get "frisky" under the bed covers. We had some drinks a couple of minutes before we retired back to our hotel room for the evening, and I'm really a light weight when it came to alcohol. I felt light headed and slightly dizzy, leading me to retire pretty much early, where my 2 friends had other ideas. A long story short, one friend tried to get himself into my posterior, wish didn't go to well. I was to tight for his girth and asked him twice to get himself out of my rump. After his second try I removed myself from the bed and put on some clothes and walked myself out of the hotel, sitting on the cold wet grass about midnight that evening. The weather outside was cold due to snow that fell during that morning, also a first for me. I sat outside bundled up on the wet lawn, trying to keep myself warm as possible, in hopes that one of my friends would come and look for me to see if I was alright. For about an hour outside, no one came to check on me that evening, wish upset me the most. I made my way back to the hotel room to find both of them sleeping in bed, not really worried about my well being. I got into bed and tried to get some sleep myself, wish wasn't much. The following morning, while we got ourselves ready for another day at the con, one of my friends did come to me in the bathroom to check if I was alright on what happen that night. I didn't ask or confronted him about why neither of them came to look for me, while I was gone for an hour, yet we talked about what happened under the bed covers and explained to him it was just "bad timing", due to the fact I wasn't feeling well that night. After my stay in the US came to an end, and landed back in South-Africa, we barely talk what so ever. Only single sentences here and there, as to before my trip over we talked everyday, from sun rise to sun set. Not so much anymore. Have I done something wrong? Am I not what they expected? Have they lost interest? Please if I could get some help or advise on this matter, it's been eating at me for months.
Should I have sex with the fur I’m dating, even though I don’t feel an emotional attachment?
Question / Message / Feedback: Hello, wanted to tell you guys you do an awesome podcast, keep up the good work! I apologize if this is long and ramble-y. My question is this: I sort of entered the "dating" phase of an IRL furry relationship. The other person, let's call him John, is less experienced with relationships than me, although we're both nowhere near experts. John is a bit clingy and is self aware of that. We've only been talking for about a week and we already went on our first date. I kind of want to take things a bit slowly emotionally, but I have almost no boundaries physically. We cuddled in the theater while watching Moana for our first date, and I had fun with that. But while we share lots of common interests, I don't really feel a strong emotional attraction, aside from getting super flustered when he says cute things. I would totally have sex with him, but I know he would probably get even clingier, as he gets attached to people very easily. I feel like I'm very close to becoming the jerk that "uses" people, which I have done before and deeply regret. I don't want to hurt him, but this is a rare opportunity for me since I won't be able to have more freedom to search for IRL furry mates until a year and a half from now thanks to my parents. I don't want to end the relationship, but I don't want to hurt John. What should I do so I don't become a jerk that just uses people for an opportunity to have gay cuddles again?
Subject: I'm afraid to fall in love
Question / Message / Feedback: This is an interesting site. While I'm here, I might as well get your opinions on something. My last relationship ended in 2010. It was my first and only open relationship, and it was also my longest and happiest relationship. Me and my ex are still very close, and I'd jump at the chance to have him as my mate again, but he has made it clear that isn't going to happen. It was difficult for me to try to move on from that, and still is, but I gave it a shot and the experience was devastatingly painful. This happened almost three years ago. I was contacted by a friend and told that a friend of his was about to become homeless and needed a place to stay for a month. He was in a relationship with two others he was planning to move in with. The short time we spent together was very pleasant and I was happy to have the company, having lived by myself for so long. Later, he had a bad break-up with his mates, and I offered to let him come back and stay with me again, indefinitely this time. I enjoyed his company so much. We were very close, we had lots of sex, and eventually we both made plans to move halfway across the country with a third roommate. Before that happened though, I found myself falling in love with him. I thought long and hard on whether or not I could have with him what I had with my previous mate, and everything seemed to point to "yes". So I decided to tell him how I felt. That's when things started to change. He turned me down, and I fully accepted it. I was more than happy to continue living with him as a close friend, but little did I know, his feelings changed dramatically. Maybe he was just as afraid then as I am now of falling in love with someone, or maybe he didn't realize that I could handle someone saying "no" to me. Whatever the case, things took a bad turn. We did still move to Reno together, but the sex stopped, and eventually he couldn't handle sleeping in the same bed with me anymore. He didn't ever tell me the real reason for it. He only made up excuses. I only found out from someone he had told later that he was afraid that I was still pursuing a relationship with him. I didn't take the news very well. I then had a rather uncomfortable discussion with him, and told him that I was offended that he didn't think I could take "no" for an answer. Maybe that was the wrong way to approach the situation, but things got worse from there, to the point where me, him, and our third roommate were always arguing, and I was always anxious and before long, the three of us were no longer friends anymore. I still cry sometimes when I think back to just how wrong it all went. That was over two years ago, but it's not the only time that my falling in love with someone has led to pain. One didn't go so badly, but still didn't change things for the better. Another person that I had never actually pursued a relationship with simply believed that was what I wanted and ended his friendship with me without explanation. I don't know what it is about me that scares people who think I might want something more than a friendship with them. None of them ever told me. For the past two years I tried to tell myself that I don't need a mate to make me happy. I told myself I'm okay with being single, and it doesn't matter if I stay single the rest of my life.. but now I find myself falling in love with someone again, and I can't bring myself to even give a hint. Every time I think about saying something, all that pain comes back, and even if i ended up in a relationship with this person, I worry that I'm just too broken to make it work without driving him away, and if it turns out anything like the past, I just don't know if I could possibly risk our friendship by telling him how I feel. His friendship matters to me too much to risk it, and eventually I can accept that without telling him a word, but right now, I'm struggling to hold back my feelings.
Jealousy in open relationships
I've been in an open relationship with my mate for a little over nine months now. It was understood between each other that we could play around with other people as long as we told each other about it before or, if it were a spontaneous moment, right after sex happened. Im not worried about him purposefully keeping things from me - we're open enough with each other for that not to be a problem - but I do worry sometimes about having things forgotten about or overlooked when talking to me. I don't want to be the crazy boyfriend and go accusing him of sleeping around with me in the dark but how could I approach the subject with him in a rational way and is my wanting to know what he's up too to "jealous"?
Next week’s topic: Commitment vs Autonomy
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