Episode 048 - Pack House Dynamics 12/07
If You’re Thinking About An Open Marriage, Consider This First
What is a pack house?
Furry parlance for a group home, where members who cohabitate are in some form of an intertwined relationship with one another
These relationships do not have to be physical/sexual, but do tend to consist of deep entwinement on a romantic level
Entwinement: how much your lives are connected. Traditional roommates might have one or two points in the Venn Diagram of their cohabitation. Pack houses tend to have much deeper, involved levels of entwinement
For many furries, a pack house is one that a polyamorous group can cohabitate without judgment from other roommates or requests to “keep it down”
Other pack houses are meant to be a safe space for people to explore the fandom in peace and comfort, especially for lifestylers/therians.
How is a pack house structured?
Everyone has the same level of agency
People generally do not view themselves as being unequal due to gender or social biases
There is a lack of a power dynamic (D/s, M/s, etc…) involved in the housing arrangement
Power Dynamic (Alpha)
What difficulties do Pack Houses face?
Lapses in communication
A lack of personal space/alone time
Shared financial burdens
Difficulties with chore management
Tragedy of the commons
Conflicts over pack membership
How do I “find” a pack house?
THE WAND CHOOSES THE WIZARD HARRY GOD DAMN IT STOP TRYING TO BE A FUCKING SHIT
As a Pack House is centered around a relationships, it is not something you generally apply for (like a dorm)
Talk about how MFF panel went
Subject: I'm having some anxiety issues about starting with BDSM…
Question / Message / Feedback: I've been *extremely* interested in BDSM ever since my sex drive kicked in. Actually figured that out three years before I figured out I'm gay. I've been looking to break in to that for about five years, and I'm about as sure I'm a sub as a virgin can be, but I'm having some crippling anxiety issues with it. I keep catching myself making up bullshit excuses about why I can't move forward because of that, but realizing I'm doing it hasn't stopped me from feeling frozen. And I'm getting increasingly frustrated at my own stupid psychological issues for depriving me of something I'm pretty damn sure I want. I have listened to your episode on social anxiety, but I'm not sure the advice there is 100% relevant since it's definitely not the socializing aspects I'm having trouble with. Honestly, I think I might be most afraid of giving it a shot and just not liking it. Probably sounds stupid, but I'm sure you can imagine I wouldn't exactly be thrilled to know I've gone the last decade being wrong about a fairly large part of who I think I am. And I've never been particularly interested in vanilla dating, so I'm not entirely sure I'd be able to satisfyingly fall back on that. Anyway, is there anything you think might help?
(Very) long distance polyamory problems
Question / Message / Feedback: Hello! I am writing to you guys cuz I am really confused what to do. I'm 27 yo male gay Hungarian guy with athletic body, and I fell in love with a furry who is also an artist. The artist part doesnt matter at this point just thought best way to describe both of us. Anytime in my life I had crushes they were either full hetero so I never confessed to them, or when I was a kid I liked girls but after like 3 rejections I gave up on em. I never had a relationship. But those that I had a crush for were usually friends first, and I gave em whatever they wanted. By this I mean I invited em for a few juice drinks at school lobby etc. Payed cinema for em when we hanged out cuz I kinda have the moneh for it. Now I met this artist like 2 years ago, and in the last 3-4 months I started to feel way more for him, realised he is more than a friend to me. He is very shy when it comes to social interaction, his parents were overly religious so he could never reveal that he is gay, or does furry art etc. He never had anyone as a BF or a relationship. Always thought of himself as a useless thing for humanity and wanted to die. He takes some pills now from a doc to help his depression. So I talked a lot to him we became super close friends. And I decided that I would tell him my feels. I did so and that changed everything. He went silent for nearly 5 days, he did check what I wrote but he didn't reply. Finally managed to get out of him that if he doesn't know how to handle something he goes silent. Problem is I don't rly understand, that he kept saying to me so many times he wants someone to love him, looks don't matter to him nor age. So I was rly confused that after being so good friends, and knowing almost everything about each other, why he didn't reply back or just avoided the topic. He has noone else as far I know that would love him this much. I also offered at some point since he lives in Washington USA, that I might be able to visit him next year for a week, and we could maybe sleep together in his bed and cuddle. But he didn't say anything to that at all. And him going silent drove me crazy and I didn't know if I should write on him or stay silent too. I rly don't want to lose him but what if I keep pushing this thing he will hate me. Oh he is 23 years old. Lives with his female friend and older brother so he moved out of his parents trap. He is super sub type so he wishes to have 5 guys go at him etc. And why I say this cuz this is also weird and I don't understand myself. I am okay if he would be with more guys as long I am there to check up on him. He has 1 male person who he has sex with time to time but neither of em love each other they just do it to have some sex. 0 feels included. And I am okay with this as long he tells me when he had sex and what happened. So I feel like I am a controll freak and I always find it easier if I know what he does cuz of the distance between us. But sometimes even if he tells me it hurts a little bit inside. And lastly, there was another artist, who I talked to. And that person said if he visits my love he would fuck him...I told him to please not to do it cuz I love him. Yet he replied with "get him into a closed relationship then". I asked my love to please not sex with him, but again, I didn't receive a positive reply, he said "don't worry he needs lot of cash to travel here so most likely won't happen". If I love someone I am willing to do ANYTHING for them. If you need more info please let me know. I am not delusional I know we can never be together since he is from USA I'm from EU. But it would feel so good if he would show some signs back that he cares about me. And would like to be with me for a while. Oh and last but not least, when I asked if I could sleep with him at that place he stays in, he says the rules don't rly allow people to stay long. Which is dumb cuz how would anyone know for how long I have been there. The owner doesn't check on them everyday, I could hide in his room also in worst case. So there is no way to tell if someone is sleeping there for a week with em or not. :\ I feel that was a huge lie. So ye that's it summed up shortly. Any ideas what to do? Or if need info plz let me know :\
Next week’s topic: Balancing mismatched sex drives
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