Episode 044 - Defining Success 11/09
By HAL E. HERSHFIELD and CASSIE MOGILNER HOLMES
Given the choice between more time or more money, which would you pick?
In a paper in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, which we wrote with our student Uri Barnea, we found that most people valued money more than time. Sixty-four percent of the 4,415 people we asked in five surveys chose money.
We had also asked our survey respondents to report their level of happiness and life satisfaction. We found that the people who chose time were on average statistically happier and more satisfied with life than the people who chose money.
In our pursuit of happiness, we are constantly faced with decisions both big and small that force us to pit time against money. Of course, sometimes it’s not a choice at all: We must earn that extra pay to make ends meet. But when it is a choice, the likelihood of choosing more time over more money — despite the widespread tendency to do the opposite — is a good sign you’ll enjoy the happiness you seek.
A series of milestones versus an end destination
Overspecialization breeds weakness
Understand the tradeoffs you make (if you focus on work, your social life might suffer.)
Is success based off of experiences or based off of achievements? Is success having a million dollars in your bank account, or a million pictures of your travels?
Do you measure success off of the measurable features and fashions of life, or that which is intangible (experiences, love between friends/family, etc…)?
Is accomplishment the same as success?
Success in the digital age
SUCCESS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Relationships don’t have to last forever to be a success!
Did you both learn from the relationship? Enjoy your time together? Were there good memories you can recall fondly? Can you stay friends?
SUCCESS IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE
Positive psychology teaches that success comes more from the journey than from the destination
Being on the correct path brings you more happiness than arriving at the destination
Arriving at a destination means you need to select a new path; you will always be striving for new goals, so long as you are alive
How do I enjoy my flirty side without hurting my monogamous long-distance mate?
My mate and I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. He's always been very monogamous in his ways, and I'm worried I could screw things up if I don’t watch myself. I'm a very sex positive person who enjoys playfully flirting with friends and even a non-committal RP every once in awhile. My mate gets extremely jealous when he sees me flirt with others, and we've had fallouts before regarding my roleplaying. I really do think he is someone I'd want to spend my life with, but I don't want to give up my playful side. I don’t mind giving up the roleplay as much as I do an occasional flirt, because I like expressing my feelings for people. Thoughts?
Received via email (anonymous)
Subject: I think my mate is uninterested, or is it me?
Question / Message / Feedback: I've been in an online relationship mate sort of thing (still new to this so excuse my lack of proper and or accurate terms), almost around a year now, at first it was the typical relationship, loving, doing some weird roleplay stuff, the usual. But as time's been passing, it's sort of just, we've both stopped talking to each other much, since we use skype it's mostly just arguing in group chat debates, and I'm a little worried she's getting uninterested, since now I'm just about the person she talks to least, or is it me? I'm honestly not sure, and would like to try keep it going, and I'm really wondering if it's my fault she's seeming uninterested.
Next week’s topic: Dating and Spirituality
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