043 Motivation vs Discipline

Feral  Attraction
Episode 043 - Motivation vs Discipline 11/02


  • Brain may become desensitized to dishonesty, study published in Nature Neuroscience suggests

    • People who tell small, self-serving lies are more likely to progress to bigger falsehoods

    • There appears to be a cognitive basis for a slippery slope when it comes to cheating, lying, and betrayal

    • This “finding, the researchers said, provides evidence for the ‘slippery slope’ sometimes described by wayward politicians, corrupt financiers, unfaithful spouses and others in explaining their misconduct.”

    • Researchers put 80 people in scenarios where they could repeatedly lie and get paid more based on the magnitude of their lies.

    • Brain scans to showed that the emotional control center called the amygdala became desensitized to growing dishonesty.

    • Ramifications for those who lie to themselves, others constantly

      • Being closeted can erode one’s sense of self, integrity

      • Conversion therapy!

      • Indiscriminate lies are counter-productive


Discipline in Relationships

  • New Relationship Energy (NRE)

    • Being in a relationship is easy at the start. You are motivated to make your partner(s) happy. Discipline is knowing that, despite the good times, you still love them and want the best for them. It’s about working on improving the relationship over time, not bailing when it’s no longer “convenient”.

  • Holding firm to commitments

    • If you don’t have integrity, you’ll never learn discipline

    • Emotional Boundaries

    • Non-violent Communication

      • If you identify faults in the way you resolve conflict, you have to stand firm to the ability to improve, even when circumstances normally would trigger the more negative reaction

      • Motivation is yelling at your partner when they make a mistake, discipline is using NVC to resolve the conflict

        • Motivation is emotional, Discipline is Logical.

  • Holding firm to commitments

    • If you don’t have integrity, you’ll never learn discipline

    • Emotional Boundaries

How to get over requiring motivation to start

  • Positive Psychology

    • The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor

      • Work at what is important to you to be happy, do not wait to be happy to work

    • Break things down into very small, discrete tasks, and allow yourself to feel the satisfaction of checking things off your list

      • Provide little rewards for yourself too, if you need to do so

      • Visualize your long-term goals, and make the conscious decision to start

        • Stoicism, Mindfulness practices, and cognitive neuroscience all back this idea up

          • Dopamine response from visualizing progress towards long-term goals!

      • Getting Things Done, David Allen


  • Subject: My FWB and I don't have sex anymore

    • Question / Message / Feedback: So, this boy and I have been seeing each other for about four months now, and we're both essentially happy. We both are products of recently failed poly relationships (and actually share an ex lover). Neither of us are looking for a relationship right now, but our sex is incredible--so we decided to define our connection as FWBs. Our date nights were pretty predictable; we'd eat, we'd sleep, we'd fuck, and then we'd sleep again. At some point in the last month or so, he brought up the idea of seeing someone else other than me, and I told him that I didn't have a problem with it because that was /why/ we were both still staying single. Since then however, we've literally only had sex once. I know he's aging more sex than before because of his new partners, but it's turned our date nights into very pseudoromantic evenings, and I don't know how I feel about that. I don't want to fall in love with someone who's not looking for a relationship, but whenever we're together it feels more and more like we are either growing closer (to a relationship) or further away (to just friends--no benefits). How do I know which it is and what do I do?

  • Through many relationships, I have never felt love from the other person. I am always depressed, whether I am dating or not, but perhaps actually less so when I am single. I think joining a pack, in which everyone loves each other deeply, both sexually and romantically, would help. What do you think? Should I try to find a pack, and if so, where do I look?


  • Next week’s topic: Defining Success

  • Contact info (Telegram group, Twitter, Contact page, etc)

  • Other business

    • Snares Plug

    • Get out and Vote

      • Endorse Hillary for President

      • Vote strategically

        • Don’t repeat Nader handing election to Bush in 2000!

          • Gore lost by 536 votes, while Nader had >90,000




Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.