Episode 041 - Locker Room Talk 10/19
HIV positive status and right to privacy
Why HIV+ witch hunts are a bad idea and counterproductive
Locker Room Talk
What is Locker Room Talk?
“Designating language, attitudes, or behaviour associated with or considered typical of a (men’s) locker room, esp. in being vulgar or coarse.” - Oxford English Dictionary
Locker Room Talk was originally coined as discussions that took place at Country Clubs/Sports Clubs, where athletes would informally talk about the game, around 1800-1900.
Over time, the language turned more coarse and topics more graphic in nature became discussed, especially in high school gym rooms
A major part of this is that for many teenaged boys, this was one of the few points in school where they could talk without adult supervision
Many people, adults and teenagers alike, use the locker room as a place to boast, brag, or otherwise share their sexual prowess, regardless of the truth of the stories they share.
“I was fucking this girl and she squirted all over my bed sheets”
Lewd ghost stories / sexual tall tales
When is Locker Room Talk Appropriate?
Providing lewd details of intimate connections / conquests without the consent of all parties involved
When used to brag in order to impress at the expense of the well-being and safety of others
Used to out people as gay/bisexual/trans/sexually active
Used as a means to sexually shame people not present
Private discussion between friends
Some might find this inappropriate if you name names or tell too many details, especially if your partner would prefer to keep your sex life private
Talking about ways that you like to have sex
“I like it when I can take a girl from behind”
“Glory holes are fucking awesome”
How is Locker Room Talk different from Dirty Talk?
What isn’t Locker Room Talk?
Talking about techniques or methods to assault men or women
"I'm automatically attracted to beautiful [women]—I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything ... Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything." -Donald Trump
"I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn't get there, and she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything." - Donald Trump
Dirty talk is not disrespect, it is sexual play
How you talk to your partner in bed shouldn’t be the same way you talk to your friends
You shouldn’t be disrespectful about your sexual partners in discussions with your friends regardless, so don’t be a fucking dick like Donald Trump you dumbasses
Dirty talk has boundaries that are discussed ahead of time and there is informed consent, whereas locker room talk tends to be spur of the moment where boundaries are only discovered after they’ve been crossed
Calling your partner “bitch” or “whore” in bed because they like it doesn’t mean you should refer to them as a bitch or a whore when talking to your friends.
Unless they are aware of and enthusiastically consent beforehand. (cucking/humiliation)
So I'm in the age old situation, love for best friend but doesn't want to ask and weird the friend out if they say no and lose them entirely. But at the same time if we do become mates, what happens if it ends and the friendship is done with. The feelings for this friend are very extreme, so extreme that losing them is causing me to fear asking to actually find out. They exhibit a playful manner with me that they don't with others but they're the very shy type and bringing up the topic of dating isn't easy and my intentions of asking the question to be mates would be obvious at that point. I'm wondering if my paranoia of losing them is making me too fearful to chase love. These aren't feelings of lust or just to fulfill the mate slot, it's a genuine feeling of love and wanting to be with this person for as long as i can and be happy together with them. What advice would you have to offer about someone in this situation, it seems like everyone goes through it and can easily say "just go for it" but that's easier said than done. Thank you for you time and advice.
Received via email (name withheld)
Next week’s topic: Empathy