Episode 038 - All-Questions Show Vol. 1 09/28
BDSM practitioners less likely to have victim-blaming attitudes in sexual violence cases
People who take part in BDSM sex activities (bondage, discipline/dominance, submission/sadism, masochism) are less likely to hold attitudes consistent with rape culture, research has found.
Victim-blaming attitudes are less widespread as well as acceptance of so-called rape myths in sexual violence cases, according to the study.
The reason for this could be because the BDSM subculture has “affirmative consent norms,” says Kathryn Klement, co-author of the study called “Participating in a culture of consent may be associated with lower rape-supportive beliefs“.
BDSM practitioners are also less likely to hold views pertaining to benevolent sexism, where women are put on pedestals, viewed as pure, weaker than men or in need of protection, informs Ms Klement.
Ms Klement hopes the findings of the survey could change stereotypical perceptions of the BDSM community: “Look at 50 Shades of Grey, how the characters are portrayed. Christian [Grey] is portrayed as sexist, dominant.”
She adds the media portrays BDSM practitioners as “deranged”.
Ms Klement highlights that some commentators have criticised the Yes means Yes campaign for having the potential to make sexual activity less exciting or sexy. But the BDSM community’s “idea that you can negotiate what you do, [and] it won’t lessen sexual desire is a good message”.
To put it simply, how do you in essence move forwards after a bad break up? In this case, involving an abusive relationship. Get out of that feeling that it is just going to happen again with whomever is next?
I think my polyamorous relationship might be toxic.
Question / Message / Feedback: So, lately my boyfriend, his mate and I have been having a lot of issues. My boyfriend's mate recently stated that he didn't really feel happy with my boyfriend and I "playing" with each other, and said that due to past issues he had when I was with them last (my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship on top of all of this.) he wasn't exactly as comfortable with the relationship anymore. He got extremely jealous of the time that my boyfriend and I were spending together, even though they see each other and talk all the time; admittedly more than my boyfriend and I do to begin with. They fought almost non-stop when I was there, and when they weren't fighting, they were all over each other and ignoring me. It was only until my boyfriend and I were alone that I shared how this upset me, and even then it continued. The past month or so, this has been an issue that's been ongoing. Fights happen even more frequently between the two of them because of it, and as much as my boyfriend says that things are better, but I have yet to see how things are changing for the better. We're at a stand still, and I haven't even talked to his mate since this all happened. Neither of them have actually talked to me about all of this, and I don't know how to feel. My boyfriend wants me to feel included, but when he and his mate don't let me participate in conversations regarding our relationship as a whole, or when I'm not regarded as "mate status" to my boyfriend, I'm left feeling lost. I love my boyfriend so much. I don't want to be without him, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. We were honestly okay until jealousy reared its ugly head and bared its fangs. Any sort of feedback or advice would be amazing. Thank you so much! <3
I don’t feel like I fit in the fandom or know how to relate to my fellow furries
I have no friends who are furries or scalies that have similar hobbies and intellect as I do. Only friends I have are ones who hate furries. I view myself as a dragon and am interested in math, chemistry, general physics, general engineering, electronics, nuclear physics, metallurgy, and construction. However, attraction to other furries/scalies with similar interests is currently getting in the way of my interests. I am being tugged between my hobbies and attraction. I cannot attend local events involving furries because I do not want people to figure out what I am and I am always told "stranger danger" no matter what, some of the events are distant, and college gets in the way. I am always told to be myself but I really can't with the influence of my family, my two fur hating friends, and hobbies. I also cannot tell if I'm even bisexual or asexual. I think about relationships but if I think about them too hard or get into a relationship I suddenly feel despair, confusion, and light headed. I feel as if I'm an enigma. Since I feel bisexual but prefer being asexual I guess I'm demisexual. I am also socially inept/socially awkward. Living with a mental disorder and I am also a nerd living in my parents basement. Complicated, confusing, and awkward enough for you? I am also agnostic living in a devoted Christian family and I do not want them to figure out that I have this very unusual interest in anthropomorphic animals rather than humans for obvious reasons involving discrimination and being forced into a religion that does not help me out at all. Church just gives me more stuff to show how miserable and crappy my life really is. I seriously need help and advice for all the relation problems I have. I honestly don't know who I am because of all of this.
Question / Message / Feedback: Do you know or know somewhere to get more information on what to do after playing with certain substances like shaving foam, slime and etc?
Question: Crushing on a mated Owner
Question / Message / Feedback: Okay, so I'm a little stuck. I've been in a RL(slightly LD) mistress/pet relationship with someone for nearly six months now. We're both super happy with it. But lately I've noticed I've been developing rather strong feelings for her. That wouldn't be a bad thing, except that she's already mated, and has been since before she took me in. A little backstory. I've been in and out of collars for...years. been what, 6 years? 95% have been online and almost all of them have fallen apart one way or another, mostly through me being a derp, getting freaked out, or getting so into the submissive headspace I do something/really/ stupid then try to back out of it so often they get tired and leave... not some of my best moments. But other times I've actually had bad owners. I've been searching for someone local for a few years now and now that I actually have someone, I'm ecstatic. With her, I'm not scared, nervous.. haven't done anything dumb. I'm happy. And she's happy. So fast forward. She already has a mate. I'm.. concerned that my feelings might grow too strong since I've almost never been in a situation like this. I don't want to risk this relationship from a desire that.. really can't be realized...but at the same time, I don't want to lose the collar, the happiness. I've already spoken with her a few times, and she's fine being friends if that's the choice, but I don't want to..I dunno.. downgrade? Unless I have to. And as a side note, this is not sexual, so I don't have to worry about that component. Any tips? Soul searching? And sorry for all the blabbering at the start, I felt the back story was needed to show where I'd come from. So in a nutshell. Currently owned, and developing a major crush on my mated Owner. Tips?
Subject: Does it make sense to hope for a mate with my conditions or am I doomed to live without love?
Question / Message / Feedback: Well, I might be an exception, something that is rarely found I guess. I have never had a mate in my life and I'm in my 30's, what includes I never kissed someone or was in intimacy with a male. Cuddling and kissing might be okay for me, but if a mate wanted to go beyond that point to engage sexual activities, it would be too much for me, because I would feel highly uncomfortable with that. Seeing intimate furry art is fine with me, but in RL I would just prefer to be on the cuddly and romantic side. I'm a female, that is affected by a schizoid personality disorder, so I have issues to trust new people, and if their influence starts to overwhelm me, I feel then the need to seek safety in bringing distance between me and them. I have lived my current life without any affection, which I nonetheless miss and desire, there was mutual love, but the few times I felt love for a male I got rejected and ended with emotional instability, feeling not wanted and that there won't be someone for me. It's hard for me to feel something like attraction towards others, or a connection, so that I would feel welcome. As a friend of mine told me, a girl confessed her feelings for him, I felt like "finding a mate and love just only happens to others, not me". In the recent time, I have been often pondering about if hoping for a mate makes sense for me and my condition or if it is just a lost cause, because I'm too screwed up for others in order to be considered as a mate. It makes me depressed, although I try to lift my spirits by saying I'm a great artist, who is able to depict things in a realistic way, but it doesn't silence the inner pain. Sorry, that you receive a question from someone, who never had a mate, but I don't know who else I could ask.
Consider storing silicone toys in towels to protect the sensitive material
Warm silicone toys to body temperature for a more realistic, sensual feel
Next week’s topic: Maintaining the Spark - how to keep that NRE rolling all relationship long! (to the extent possible)
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