FA 035 Being Your Own Filter

Feral  Attraction
Episode 036 - Being Your Own Filter 09/07


  • People may express their true self more easily on Facebook than in person, and the more one's "Facebook self" differs from their true self, the greater their stress level and the less socially connected they tend to be, according to a new study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking

  • What are the health risks of having a different "Facebook self?"

  • http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/full/10.1089/cyber.2016.0010


What does it mean to be “offended” or “triggered?”

  • Be careful not to appropriate the language of PTSD in ways that are inauthentic to how PTSD sufferers experience this frequently debilitating condition

  • “According to the most-basic tenets of psychology, helping people with anxiety disorders avoid the things they fear is misguided.”

  • Avoid “vindictive protectiveness.”

    • Creating a culture in which everyone must think twice before speaking up, lest they face charges of insensitivity, aggression, or worse.

    • “ A claim that someone’s words are “offensive” is not just an expression of one’s own subjective feeling of offendedness. It is, rather, a public charge that the speaker has done something objectively wrong. It is a demand that the speaker apologize or be punished by some authority for committing an offense.”

      • http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/09/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind/399356/

    • Prevents intellectual discussion, examination of ideas, and learning from those who think and feel differently than you do

What are healthy ways to respond to feeling offended?

  • Question your emotional response

    • Have an internal locus of control

      • You can control yourself and your reactions much more easily than you can control other people

    • Use CBT techniques

      • Remember that feelings are not facts; just because something feels bad does not mean that it is bad

        • Consider the intent behind and context surrounding what you find offensive

        • Try to assume good faith in others unless you have strong reason to believe someone is being intentionally malicious

  • Unsubscribe from the offending content

    • Works best with people you do not know well

  • Ask the offender to moderate his or her content

    • Works best with people you do know well

    • Careful not to be entitled about this

      • You do not control the ability of others to express themselves

If you seek respect, you must be respectful.

  • People do not take kindly to strangers inserting themselves into debates and demanding special treatment in a rude way

    • Do not use profanity, insults, degrading remarks, or inflammatory content to interact with people you disagree with; this will instantly make anyone you had hoped to reason with shut down and stop taking you seriously

  • Model the behavior you wish to see more of in the world

    • If you come in guns blazing, no one will listen to you and you may be called out for not practicing what you preach


  • I’ve been accused of being transphobic because I don't want to date someone who is transitioning to female. I'm gay. How else can I explain that I'm a man who likes men? How can I avoid the "come out after dating starts" type?

    • Received anonymously via Ask.FM

    • Coming out as trans - surviving the big shock column


You guys discussed having sex toys shipped discreetly before, and proposed having stuff delivered to a package pickup point. There's another little-known option that might be easier, and free: General Delivery at the post office.

Instead of your address, you simply put your legal name, "GENERAL DELIVERY," and the city, state, and zip code, and the local post office will hold a package there for pickup. You can just show up with your ID, say "I'm picking up a package for <insert name here>," and flash your ID, and they'll give it to you. I've shipped particularly expensive items this way before, since it eliminated the possibility of someone swiping it off your porch, or if I'm buying from someone I don't want to know my address (Think Craigslist deals for used stuff I couldn't afford otherwise).

Thought some of your audience might find this useful.



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Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.