Episode 032 - Anal Sex 101 08/17
On this week’s show we open with a discussion on how frequent sex might lead to better relationships. Our main topic is Anal Sex 101: what steps should a beginner take to enjoy their anal experience? Koji, our resident anal expert, stops by to offer advice. We close out the show with a panel of questions on various topics.
“Does frequent sex lead to better relationships? Depends on how you ask”
ASSOCIATION FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL SCIENCE, 26-APR-2016
"We found that the frequency with which couples have sex has no influence on whether or not they report being happy with their relationship, but their sexual frequency does influence their more spontaneous, automatic, gut-level feelings about their partners," says psychological scientist Lindsey L. Hicks of Florida State University, lead author on the research.
Getting ready for anal sex
Silicone or glass (avoid plastics)
Start small, but not too small (think 6-7in in length, 1-1.5in width)
If you go for a plug, try a gradual taper with a fairly widely flanged base
Too small a flange-to-neck ratio will risk slippage
Fandom toy companies to consider
Don’t jump right to penetrative sex
Warm up with foreplay
Get into a relaxed mindset; 90 percent of preparation for anal sex is mental
Worry and fear cause sphincters to tighten, which will make sex painful
Creates self-fulfilling prophecy
If rimming is an activity you and your partner enjoy, this can be a relaxing way to prepare for anal sex that tends to enhance the bottom’s level of relaxation
Progress to fingers (if that is something you enjoy)
Make sure fingernails are not sharp
Consider using a glove or condom over your fingers to avoid cutting the sensitive skin of the anus and rectum
Start with one finger, then move to two
Expand the fingers inside your partner in a speculum-like fashion
Rotate fingers inside your partner to stretch them
Communicate constantly with your partner and solicit feedback on how comfortable/uncomfortable they are
Pause and let partner adjust if they become uncomfortable or experience pain
Progress to using a starter toy
Consider allowing the bottom partner to place the toy in
Progress to use of penis (or harnessed dildo)
Enter slowly; let the bottom partner set the pace
Try to avoid pulling all the way out, even if a little pain is encountered
Entry and re-entry tend to be the most painful
When your partner experiences discomfort that is too intense, pause and allow your partner to adjust
Once the top partner is all the way in, let the bottom partner relax and recover before beginning to thrust
Start with a slow pace; gradually progress to a faster pace
If the top partner is well-endowed, do not pull out all the way or nearly all the way when your partner is not used to you
Pull out ¼ or ½, then go back in
Solicit feedback from the bottom partner constantly
If one position is not comfortable, try another position
Positions that allow the bottom to control rate of entry are often best to start with
Consider the shape of your partner’s insertable appendage when choosing a starting position
Missionary, cowboy/cowgirl, backhoe, pendulum
Doggy style, reverse cowboy/cowgirl, reverse missionary, horizontal mambo, lay of the land, against the wall “assume the position”
Experiment with your partner to find a position that works for both of you!
Kama Citra again
“Cuddlefucking” or “spoonfucking” side-by-side may be more comfortable
Also consider “sloppy sideways”
Troubleshooting Anal Sex
What level of pain is normal?
Anal sex may at times be painful and/or uncomfortable
Entry and re-entry tends to be the most painful and uncomfortable
Avoid re-entry and long strokes if pain is an issue
Use far more lubrication than you think is necessary
If there is pain, use more lube
Consider falling back on a toy or (well manicured) fingers to stretch the bottom if initial insertion is too painful
A very small amount of blood may be seen if you are extremely tight and/or out of practice — there is no need to panic should this occur
How do you relax enough to get a buttplug out? It's easy going in but out is the hardest part for me.
Is alcohol or weed a good idea with butt stuff? It'll make you more relaxed, but does it have the potential to get you to ignore pain?
Reference to poppers as well
I'm a sub, straight female wolf, and I love me some anal. But sometimes I find it hard to continue after I orgasm while being anally penetrated. I suspect it's due to all the muscle contractions. Do you have any advice for how I can continue to bottom after I orgasm? How can I get my butthole to be more cooperative?
I often feel like my pack isn’t right for me and I’m not right for it, especially after recent events. However, I don’t want to go and they don’t want me to go either. I promised another departed member that I would take care of the pack after he was kicked out, but I don’t know if that means staying, leaving, or if I should just ignore my promise. I often feel like I am the only one who creates conflict, that the others are fine until I bring something up. I want the best for the pack, and I feel like I only hurt it, and that is why I feel I should leave, but none of us want me to leave.
A former member of our pack lives in the pack house as a roommate, but doesn’t really pull his own weight in terms of finances, household maintenance, or chores. I have considered lobbying for his removal, but doing so would put him on the street homeless. I and the rest of the pack still care about him, so what should I do?
Next week’s topic: Healthy Expectations