FA 029 How to be Single and Happy

Feral  Attraction
Episode 029 - How to be Single and Happy 07/27

Intro

  • "Your gender-stereotypic genes may be giving you a leg up in dating"

    • http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2016-05/s-ygg051916.php

    • “success at speed-dating might be influenced by your genetic make-up and your potential partner's ability to detect so-called "good genes," or genetic fitness.”

    • Study published in the journal Human Nature by researchers at the University of California, Irvine

    • “Participants who were more likely to be asked on a second date had genotypes consistent with personal traits that people often desire in a romantic partner - social dominance/leadership in men, social sensitivity/submissiveness in women.”

    • “The ?1438 A/G polymorphism is part of the genetic make-up of the serotonin system and has been linked to social dominance and leadership.”

    • “The A118G polymorphism, which has been linked to social sensitivity, is part of the opioid receptor gene that contributes to people's capacity to experience social pleasure and pain, and their need to have social contact.”

    • “Wu's team found that men and women with genotypes consistent with prevailing gender norms were more likely to receive second date offers. They were also seen as more desirable short- and long-term romantic partners.”

    • Study limitations

      • Only 262 individuals

      • Only heterosexual

      • Sample consisted of exclusively Asian Americans

Topic

Develop Good Habits

  • Being single is not a disease, so don’t act like you’re sick!

    • Just because other people are in a relationship does not mean that you don’t need to want one / be in one, especially if you are aromantic

  • Practice self-care, especially if you have a limited support network

    • Spending more time with friends / family and cultivating those long-lasting relationships can help, but you need to learn how to be with yourself when you’re alone

  • As long as you love yourself, your house/apartment/living space will always be a loving environment, and a meal cooked for one can be cooked with love all the same

Allow Yourself to Grow

  • Learn to practice self-reflection as this helps mitigate stressful situations

  • Pursue your dreams/treat yourself

    • Travel places

    • Meet new friends

    • Find new interests

    • Develop new skills

Find the Positives

  • SO MUCH FLEXIBILITY

    • Time

    • Money

    • Travelling

    • Personal preferences or quirks

      • Having furniture organized a certain way

      • Eating specific foods

    • Ability to improve yourself

      • Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, etc...

  • You can flirt far more freely

  • Sex might be infrequent, but when it happens it can be enjoyed that much more

  • You can pursue a relationship if you want to

    • Just because you’re single now doesn’t mean you’ll always be single

    • Remember that being alone is a choice you can make for yourself that is valid

    • If your loneliness is self-imposed, try not to be bitter towards others who make different choices for themselves

    • Wallowing is not attractive and is a waste of your time and energy

      • Either focus on activities you enjoy or focus on activities that will better your dating prospects (self-improvement), or both

Question(s)

  • So, my roommate and I met each other a little over a year ago. What started as a casual hook up led to friendship with benifits, and then to me catching feelings. I've expressed these feelings to him and we've been on a date and he says he's not really looking for a boyfriend right now and that he is going on dates with other people, but he's not really ruling anything out at this point, and that's understandable. The issue I'm having is, before we moved in together we were having sex, but now we've only had sex once since we moved in together in January. Fast forward to a few months ago and he's out of classes and due to his job spent a lot of time back at his parents house. A little prior to this I agreed to be locked in a chastity cage to fulfill one of his kinks. He likes to tease me with it on, but still hasn't let me out to have sex with him. Lately though, I have noticed that he's been more affectionate and intimate with me, like letting me hold his hand when he's previously said that was too intimate a thing to do for him at this stage, and giving me little pecks on my cheeks and nose. It's just a little confusing that he's being more affectionate toward me, but still not being sexual with me. This past weekend he was at a convention where I knew he would be having lots of sex and he came back bragging about the good sex he had and that he met a cute guy and talked about some of the things they did, and, it kind of made me jealous. Not really because he was having sex with other guys, but because he was doing things with guys he won't let me do with him. I'm just not sure how to approach the whole situation cause I've never been really good at expressing my feelings.

    • Name Withheld, received via Submission Form

Feedback

Greetings fellow podcasters Viro, Metriko and Koji,

I was recently introduced to your podcast by my friend and co-host who describes himself as "Furry Fandom adjacent."  I'm currently working my way through the archive.  I found your episode on STI's quite informative.

The main reason for this letter is I just listened to your After Dark episode and as an experienced sounder I have one minor quibble.  I generally do not advise starting with the smallest sound, because they can get rather... pokey.  Larger sounds are more blunt and less likely to damage if your aim is slightly off.  I usually start the inexperienced off with a 16 french and work up or down from there.

Looking forward to future episodes.

Sir Arcane

Co-host of A Hairy Prone Companion

President of Lansing Pups and Handlers

Closer

  • Next week’s topic: New on the Scene Month: Finding a mate

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.