FA 026 Living For Yourself

Feral  Attraction
Episode 026 - Living For Yourself 07/06

Intro 00:00:40

  • Pope Francis said on Sunday that Christians should apologize for negative behaviors they have had towards gay people and that they should seek forgiveness for exploiting gays and other minorities for political reasons.

  • "I repeat what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says: that they must not be discriminated against, that they must be respected and accompanied pastorally," Francis said at a press conference aboard the papal plane returning from Armenia.

Topic 00:11:00

Why is not giving a fuck important for a relationship? If you care too much about what others think then you will be unable to be your authentic self

Sean Kim wrote a guide on How to Not Give a Fuck What People Think that we will discuss in depth on tonight’s episode

No One Really Cares About You (besides you!) 00:15:00

  • People cite a 2005 NSF study that we have about 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day

    • We can’t find this exact study and we see a variance between 12,000 to 75,000

    • If we base this around 50,000 thoughts a day, if someone thinks just ten times a day about you, you only comprise 0.02% of their daily thinking

  • People filter their thoughts through their ego and use “me” or “my” in relation to their world perspective

    • If you are not directly involved in their life or have done something to them, you tend to be filtered out

You Can’t Please Everyone 00:21:00

  • You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you

    • Going to the gym if you’re out of shape

    • Wearing the clothes that best represent your gender, or clothing that is “out of the norm” for what people wear

  • Decatastrophize what happens when people judge you

    • What is the worst thing that can happen when people judge you, and what is the likelihood that that will come to pass?

  • It’s better to be loved by a few people you care about than liked by a lot of people you barely know

    • Friends, family, loved ones. Focus on the people that are there for you during the good times and especially the bad times

    • A friend to everyone is a friend to no one

  • Twitter and Social Media offer a form of instant gratification, but tweeting / posting things that are popular in order to get that instant gratification is dangerous and forms a sort of codependence on the approval of people you don’t even know

You Reap What You Sow 00:34:00

  • Worrying about being judged is a form of self-fulfilling prophecy

  • Your thoughts color your behavior

    • If you want to be a “people-pleaser” or a “yes-man,” then you can be judged for being a doormat or pushover

  • You attract the type of people you behave as, so if you attract people who share your weaknesses you can stop growing as an individual

    • If you surround yourself with people-pleasers who do not challenge you on your ideas, you can get stuck in bad behaviors that you view as the “norm”

      • sycophants, not friends

      • Surround yourself with people who challenge you and help you grow

    • Muse - Hoodoo “I have had recurring nightmares / That I was loved for who I am / And missed the opportunity / To be a better man

How To Not Give A Fuck 00:44:30

  • Know Your Values

    • Know who you are

    • Know your emotional bandwidth

    • Inner Locus of Control / Integrity

    • Learn to say no to friends when they want you to do something you do not want to or agree with

  • Put Yourself Out There

    • Speak your mind, or don’t be afraid to do what you want to do

      • Start a blog or a podcast

      • Ask the guy or girl you’re interested in on a date

      • Share your life more freely with friends and family, regardless of how they might react if you’re “different” from their expectations

      • Pursue those dreams and passions you have

  • Surround Yourself With Pros

    • People who are self-assured and live without compromising their integrity are good to have in your life

    • If you are an indirect communicator, having people who use direct communication can be helpful in improving that aspect in your life

  • Create a “Growth List”

    • Find areas in your life that you struggle with or want to improve in, or things that make you uncomfortable and want to conquer

    • Think “The Secret”, except you actually do things instead of waiting for “the universe” to gift you

    • Start small, work larger

  • Travel Alone

    • Travelling with friends can be great, but by travelling alone you break your comfort zone and expand your horizons

    • Start small, whether it’s going to a movie or dinner or party alone, and work your way from there

      • Metriko: I got into D&D by going to a gaming event alone. I made some great friends and learned a lot about other points of views that way that I would not have if I had required a friend to be with me

      • Viro: Small/regional cons!

Question(s) 01:10:10

  • Is there such a thing as being polyamorous while not wanting sex from anyone but your main partner? See, I find myself falling in love with others outside of that relationship but I am not interested in having sex with anyone but my mate. I should clarify that she does know about this as we talk about it all the time and has even stated on a few occasions that she would not mind if I wanted to have sex with them so long as I tell her my feelings have progressed that far. I just don't think they will.. I'm just very confused and wanting to know if only I feel like this.

    • Anonymous via our Feedback Form

Closer

  • Next week’s topic: Body Image and Self-Love

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.