FA 022 Negotiating Power Exchange

Feral  Attraction
Episode 22 - Negotiating Power Exchange 06/10

Intro 00:00:45

  • Witch Hunting Underaged Furries


    • Law is mixed on whether “mistake of age” is a defense

      • "The Model Penal Code, a recommended set of criminal laws developed by legal scholars, now includes a “mistake of age” defense to statutory rape."

      • Federal courts have in some instances directed that prosecutors seek to prosecute only defendants who “are either well-aware of the victim’s minority or failed to undertake any serious effort to ascertain the victim’s age”

      • Some states recognize a “mistake-of-age” defense to statutory rape

    • Probably not likely all 400 members of an NSFW group chat will be prosecuted if a 17-year-old gets curious

      • Risk much greater in one-on-one interactions, interactions with known minors

    • It is also a crime to doxx a minor

      • It is illegal to provide private, potentially damaging facts about another individual

      • The law is particularly strict with regards to minors

    • What if you’re incorrect?

      • Demanding documentation can lead to identity theft

      • Requesting personal information from a minor can be illegal


Defining Power Exchange Relationships 00:26:50

  • Dominance / Submission (D/s) relationships are based ultimately on two pillars

    • Trust

    • Communication

  • Domination is about asking for what you want and expecting to get it.

    • The Dominant must keep himself under control, always considering his submissive’s hard limits and any limitations imposed by the situation (emotional, practical, etc.)

Negotiating Power Exchange Relationships 00:59:30

  • As mentioned, D/S relationships are based on trust.

  • Negotiation

    • Leave room for renegotiation

    • Think about potential situations that might happen that would require a break in agreement

      • Parents / Family Visiting

      • Work related functions

      • Personal Emergencies

      • Medical decisions / agency

      • Breaking up

      • Emotional time-outs

      • Religion

      • Finances

      • Serving others

        • Submitting to someone else

        • Being forced to perform sexually with someone else

      • Exhibitionism / disclosure of identity

    • Allow for a timed renegotiation in your contract (start weekly or monthly, work up to annual)

    • What happens when you poorly negotiate or fail to negotiate

      • Broken Trust

      • Broken Promises

      • Writing a check you can’t cash

      • Beauty and the Beast

Question(s) 01:43:55

  • So, here's the thing. I am in a relationship with a guy that lives around my city. He did something that the other ex-boyfriends I had didn't and that proved to me his true love. He loves me a lot and I love him too. However, I also have Master/pet relationships and he doesn't like this for now, or at least doesn’t really understand what this is and how it is different than my love for him. Also, he's 16, so I'm not really sure how to explain things to him so he'll totally understand. I don't want to lose these relationships. I also have a second problem. I am polyamorous, while he is monogamous and wants a closed relationship with me for now. I really love him and I'm also sure that he truly loves me back but there are some experiences I want to try and I feel like I'll also love to be in a polyamorous relationship.

    • Love and convenience doesn't mean you're compatible. Those sound like some major clashes that need to be discussed. Monogamy does not mix well with polyamory and hardcore BDSM, generally. Settling isn't going to make either of you happy.

    • He's young, so it's possible he's just scared of the unknown. You can suggest that he trust you and see if he can't be happy while allowing you your freedom, but you'll have to be very patient as he grapples with his envy and jealousy

    • I'd encourage you to suggest a trial period.

      • "I know you consider yourself monogamous and had always envisioned being in an exclusive relationship, but if we're going to be together, that isn't possible. We clearly enjoy being with each other though, and my other connections haven't destroyed that. Perhaps you could try to be in a non-exclusive relationship with me for a while? You won't know if you can be happy that way unless you try. And if you experience any envy or jealousy, you can always talk to me about it and we can work through it together. I'll always make you feel appreciated and valued and like you're my priority"


  • Next week’s topic: BDSM Relationship Structures

  • Contact info

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.