FA 099.5 Active Listening and Maintaining Empathy

Introduction topic

  • Viro TFF Recap

    • Path’s panel on being popular in the fandom

    • Sunday afternoon panel

      • Over 40 engaged attendees

      • Talked and answered questions throughout the 2 hr time slot

      • Next panels will be at FurSquared, FWA, and Vancoufur

  • Article

    • What Teenagers Are Learning From Online Porn

      • By MAGGIE JONES for The New York Times Magazine

      • https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/07/magazine/teenagers-learning-online-porn-literacy-sex-education.html

      • “American adolescents watch much more pornography than their parents know — and it’s shaping their ideas about pleasure, power and intimacy. Can they be taught to see it more critically?”

      • Porn promotes aggressive / rough sex over gentler and more sensual forms of intimacy

      • On the positive side, porn may help normalize some young people’s fringe sexual interests, particularly LGBT




Communicate expectations, but remain flexible

The sex you have is always better than the sex you think you will have so long as you are not preoccupied with your own expectations

Dan Savage: Fuck first, then eat

Active Listening


  • Techniques to enhance active listening and establish an empathetic connection

    • Parroting statements back to your mate

      • “I heard you say X, am I understanding you correctly?”

    • Clarifying, rather than assuming, intent

      • “Did you mean to hurt me when you said X?”

Assuming good faith in your mate(s) and trusting them when they communicate their needs and wants

  • Be careful not to invalidate your partner’s feelings, needs, and wants when they communicate with you

    • Avoid telling your partners what they do and do not need, or telling them to simply “get over” their emotions

    • Even if you do not agree with your mate’s perspective on a situation, it is possible to tell them that you understand their position and accept that they hold the position that they do

How do I know my own needs and wants?

  • Mindfulness

  • Meditation

  • Communing with nature

  • Psychedelic spirit quests

  • Prayer

  • Allowing yourself to be bored and uncomfortable

    • Learning not to run from your feelings, but rather to chase them to their source


  • I love your podcast, and I was wondering if I could get some advice on something. I have just entered a friend's with benefits relationship with a gay male friend of mine, and the other night we had our first time being intimate with me topping. We both had a good safe time, but during sex I found some "evidence" that he did not douche before hand. I didn't mention it after, and I don't think he noticed it. I'm not upset or mad at all, but it was a bit of a turn off seeing that. How can I bring up that I would prefer him to douche before we have sex without embarrassing him?


  • Next week’s topic: 100th Episode Special

  • Contact info

  • Other business

    • Patreon

      • Ms. Hyde Plug

        • I'm participating in a "Streak for Tigers" around London Zoo on the 10th of August. If you'd like to know how to support me running around the zoo naked and fundraising to protect tigers in the wild, then you can find details @HanacondaSparks on Twitter.

          • My fundraising page is: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/hanaconda

      • Snares Plug

      • Zarpaulus Plug

        • If you're a fan of furry in high-tech sci-fi stories you might be interested in the Para-Imperium universe by Zarpaulus (www.paraimperium.wordpress.com).

          • He has recently published a short novel with Thurston Howl Press titled "The Pride of Parahumans", you can go check it out on Amazon

        • If you’re a fan of speculative-fiction, science fiction, or Starcraft you might enjoy Zarpaulus’s writing! Give it a look and consider becoming a patron of theirs at https://www.patreon.com/Zarpaulus

      • Myron

        • Twitter handle is @MyronTheFluffy

        • Feel free to follow me for pictures and my daily red panda-dog ramblings!

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.