FA 010 The Campsite Rule

Feral  Attraction
Episode 10 - Intergenerational Relationships and the Campsite Rule 03/16

Intro 0:00:30

  • Please take the time to fill out the anonymous survey!

  • Micro-advice via the Twitter account (happy to answer questions via DM / mention)


The Campsite Rule 0:03:30

  • Campsite Rule: If you’re in a sexual relationship with somebody significantly younger or less-experienced than you, the rule that applies at campsites shall be applicable to you: you must leave them in at least as good a state (physically and emotionally) as you found them in. That means no STDs, no unwanted pregnancy, not overburdening them with your emotional or sexual baggage, and so on. Younger partners and particularly virgins will often take everything given to them by an older, more experienced partner as being “written in stone,” and will carry around everything they learn from them for the rest of their life: so treat them right! - Dan Savage

    • For example, Viro didn’t start openly dating until he was 22. He was a beneficiary of the campsite rule even while dating younger (age wise) but more experienced partners. You can be 16 and benefit from this, or you could even be thirty and benefit from this.

  • This applies to every relationship and should be considered “best practice” that all partners should follow

    • This is, of course, barring special circumstances. You don’t need to leave your abuser in a better state than they were when you first started dating!

  • How to apply this principle in your relationship

  • An older / more experienced partner should view them as both a role model and a partner

    • Set the terms of the relationship early

    • Modelling how to be a good relationship citizen

    • Keep your relationship realistic and be prepared for if / when the relationship ends

  • It should be understood that the relationship will be asymmetrical in terms of resources (money, etc…)

    • Don’t expect equal investment in money or time

      • If you are in school and your partner is working full time, don’t expect the time availabilities to sync up every day

    • Don’t gold-dig / don’t take advantage of an older partner

      • Don’t allow your relationship to be transactional

        • YOU ARE NOT A WHORE (unless you chose to be in which case call yourself an escort okay?)

  • How to introduce your relationship to the younger partner’s parents

    • How to interact in general with their parents

    • How to interface once you break up

  • Campsite Rule in a Poly / BDSM Context

    • Should a poly relationship be the first in an intergenerational relationship?

      • “Here there be dragons”

    • “Mate” versus “pet”

    • Being prepared to deal with a lot of envy / jealousy from the younger partner due to a lack of experience


Question(s) 1:19:00


  • How bad of an idea is it for someone to sleep with his or her ex? (Twitter - @CookieCreamFox)

    • You need to create distance before you try to get close again

      • How bad was the break up? Was it mutual?

    • You need time to get over your ex, and by continuing to fuck you are delaying the healing process

    • You shouldn’t “hate fuck”

    • Your penis will not fix your relationship

      • Sex will only mask the underlying issues at hand

    • If you can only fuck instead of talk then you shouldn’t fuck

Closer 1:27:40

  • Next week’s topic: Long-distance / online relationships

  • Contact info (Telegram group, Twitter, Contact page, etc)

  • Other business

    • FWA is possibly happening.

    • FurtheMore - Panel and Dinner

      • Non-Monogamous Furry Relationships 101, Sat 5p-6:30p

  • Tell us which cons you want us to be at!

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.