FA 008 Owning Your Sh*t

Feral  Attraction
Episode 008 - Owning Your Shit


  • How FurSquared went

    • 800 attendees; 25 at panel

    • Very good response

  • Last week was about yourself. This one is about how you can impact your relationship by not taking control of yourself


Owning Your Shit 0:02:30

  • Taking ownership of your emotions 0:03:00

    • Don’t cast blame on your partners when you feel envy or jealousy

      • Remember “I statements”

      • Avoid projection

        • Humans defend themselves against their own unpleasant impulses by denying their existence while attributing them to others

    • Envy and jealousy are like the warning light in your car

      • Pay attention, but don’t assume something is really wrong

      • Practice introspection and self-care

    • Know your own baggage

      • Write your “user’s manual”

      • Know where your landmines are

        • Transference - baggage from childhood / earlier trauma

      • Don’t be afraid to disclose to friends / mates

        • During arguments / apologies

          • why are you upset?

          • Did some of your shit contribute to a transgression?

            • Make it clear you aren’t trying to excuse your actions, but simply explain them

        • Admit when you’re being irrational

        • Be willing to request accommodation for mild neurotic traits

        • Don’t be afraid to talk about your fears

  • Don’t own shit that is not yours 0:49:47

    • You are not responsible for your partner’s emotional state

      • Your role is to facilitate, not rehabilitate

        • Your partner needs to learn how to be resilient

        • Do offer to make amends if you have done something wrong

    • Do not succumb to emotional blackmail

    • This does not license you to knowingly do things that will hurt your partner

Question 1:03:50

  • I have a much higher sex drive than my mate does. What can I do to get my sexual and intimacy needs met?

    • Maintainance Sex vs Enthusiastic Sex

    • Sex need not always be penetrative / high impact

      • make it lower key, so sex doesn't seem intimidating or like a chore

    • Cuddling partner while pawing, mutual masturbation

    • Getting partner in the mood with porn, erotica, shared story telling, roleplay

    • If non-monogamous, that may help, but remind partners that they are not interchangeable

    • Consider encouraging partner not to paw independently or not allowing partner to climax during every instance of sex

Closer 1:26:30

  • Next week’s topic: Emotional Bandwidth

  • Contact info

  • Other business

    • Panel at Fur The More confirmed

      • Non-Monogamous Furry Relationships 101, Sat 5p-6:30p

      • Post-panel dinner

    • Panel at FA:U confirmed

    • New elements on webpage

      • Upcoming events

      • Presentations

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.