FA 009 Emotional Bandwidth

Feral  Attraction
Episode 009 - Emotional Bandwidth 03/09



Introduction 0:00:38


Please take the time to fill out the anonymous survey!

Topic 0:02:35

Knowing when you’ve exceeded your bandwidth 0:10:00  

  • Constantly feeling frazzled

  • Not enough “me” time

  • Feeling angry or annoyed when you hear from friends

  • Feeling annoyed or put upon when new people reach out

How to reject a new friendship/relationship connection gracefully 0:17:00

  • Making it clear it is about you, not about them

    • “I don’t have any energy left” vs “You aren’t worth my time”

    • Avoid “white lies” that are transparently untrue

      • “I don’t have time” - everyone has time (priorities)

  • Suggest getting together another time, but only if you mean it

What if the other person doesn’t take a hint? 0:25:00

  • Be brutally direct — Hit the road, Jack

    • Examples

      • “You seem cool, but I’m not looking for a new friendship or a relationship right now.”

      • “I don’t think we’re a good match.”

      • “I think we are looking for different things.”

      • “Sorry, not interested.”

      • “Please stop contacting me.”

    • It’s still kinder to let someone down and hurt them at the outset of a relationship than to lead them on only to hurt them far worse later

    • Leading people on spares your feelings temporarily; it does not spare the person who you need to let down

  • Getting to know people online versus in person (Advice Column)

Beware psychic vampires 0:52:00

  • Don’t indulge people who simply waste your time

  • “Hi” with no follow up from people you do not know, small talk that goes nowhere, etc.

  • Don’t allow yourself to be put in the position of manufacturing conversations you never intended to have

  • You don’t owe anyone your time or attention; they belong to you
    (beyond agreed upon commitments)

Question(s) 1:02:40

  • One of the biggest reasons why relationships don't work is due to financial reasons. Can you do a detailed guide on that? it's a big reason for me if I ever want to hook up. Roommates are becoming more prominent these days.

    • Twitter (@lostnolonger14)

Closer 1:22:50

  • Next week’s topic: Episode 10 - “Campsite Rule” / Age Differences

  • Panel approved for FWA at an odd hour; working on rescheduling

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.