FA 030 Finding a Mate

Feral  Attraction
Episode 030 - Finding a Mate 08/05

Intro

  • Oh Joy Sex Toy Fursuit comic

    • Is it sex shaming / kink shaming?

      • “People outside of the furry fandom usually have a skewered view that’s only ever focused on the sexual side of this form of costume play, like yiffing parties and adult furry art or that episode of CSI. One of these days I’m more than sure we’ll have another guest comic talking about the sexual side of fursuits!”

      • FurScience! A Summary of Five Years of Research from the International Anthropomorphic Research Project

        • Section 5.9 discusses how Furries and Non Furries view pornographic materials of the Fandom

          • Furries view furry porn more favorably than non-furries believe
          • Non-furries view furry porn more favorably than furries believe

TOPIC

Determine What You Are Looking For

  • Short Term vs Long Term

    • Serious vs Casual

  • Monogamous, Polyamorous, etc…

  • Goals

    • Marriage

    • Kids

    • Traveling

    • Work

  • Type of individual

    • Working (self-employed or otherwise)

    • Personality / Interests

      • Educated vs Experienced

      • Religious affiliations

      • Political Affiliations

      • Social viewpoints

      • Fandom participation

      • Out (As furry? As LGBT?)

  • Don’t compromise your integrity for a relationship

    • Relationships of convenience

      • Don’t feel obligated to chase someone you’re not that into just because you’re worried that no one else will be interested in you

        • Have different standards for casual / serious or short term / long term relationships as they are different

    • Practical Idealism

      • Ensure that your goals / expectations for others are not too high or unattainable for even you to achieve

      • This is not compromising your integrity, but making sure that it is realistic

Where to Look

  • Online Resources

    • Furry websites (FurAffinity, FurriesXtreme, FurryNetwork, Ferzu, Pounced, F-List, etc…)

    • Furry chat resources (Twitter, Discord, Telegram, IRC, TeamSpeak)

    • Mundane resources (Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, Recon, Grindr, Tinder, Hornet, DeviantArt [has a decently sized furry community as well], FETLIFE)

  • Offline Resources

    • Local meetups

    • Furry conventions

      • Some have singles panels, events, speed dating, etc...

How to Look For a Mate

  • Don’t come off as too forward / desperate

    • Don’t be a constant litany of “I’m forever alone” on twitter

    • Don’t DM everyone with a pulse asking if they want to date you

  • Remember to put your best foot (paw?) forward

    • You’re not hiding your negative aspects, you’re highlighting your positive notes

    • Wear nice clothing / dress appropriately for the date venue

      • Don’t wear a suit and tie to the beach for a day in the sun

  • Be patient: sometimes finding a relationship can take time, and during that time work on yourself and your own well being

    • If you have a date, don’t try to move too fast. Express your interest in a relationship but remember that is not a unilateral decision you get to make

  • Don’t go on dates that are financially unrealistic, or agree to time commitments that jeopardize your own life/livelihood/well being

  • Don’t expect every date to be a success. There will always be some hits or misses

Staying Confident

  • Don’t bring previous relationship woes into a new relationship

    • Learn to identify warning signs / flags, but don’t immediately assume that all men / women are “like that”

      • Example: if you’re on an elevator that malfunctions, should you be afraid of all elevators? No, but you know the warning signs now about what a breakdown looks like before it happens

  • Just because you are not immediately snatched off of the market does not mean you are a “bad” person or undesirable

    • If there are aspects of dating that make you uncomfortable, see what you can do internally to correct that

      • Social Anxiety

      • Low self-esteem

      • Communication and Listening Skills

  • If you keep striking out, talk with friends and role play what you are doing to see if there are areas for improvement

    • Maybe try a double date with a friend who can evaluate and offer advice for you if you are having issues

    • If you keep having issues finding a date to begin with, focus on yourself and identify potential issues in how you are portraying yourself (too desperate, clingy, etc) and work on improving those behaviors

      • “How to Be Single and Happy” episode

      • Overcoming a fear of improving yourself in the face of a group of individuals you view as stagnant or otherwise “lesser” than what you would improve into

Question(s)

  • Hey Metriko, quick question. I got introduced to a guy from a friend who set us up on a date. I don’t know much about him, so I was wondering if it is a good idea to look him up online before the date, or if that will ruin the magic.

    Thanks and love the show!

  • Anonymous (Via Telegram)

Closer

  • Next week’s topic: Hookup App Etiquette

Metriko Oni

Metriko Oni is a former government environmental disaster mitigations expert with a focus on outreach, education, and policy writing. He now works with computers. He has been active in the fandom since 2013 and has been an advocate for transparent lines of communication. His interests include philosophy, media, futurism, and speculative fiction.