sex

FA 067 Sexuality and Gender Expression Ft. Debra Soh

We open this week with a discussion on disclosure when dating. A recent study shows that sexual stimuli inspire people to be more vulnerable and forthcoming on themselves and their desires and interests in a partner when it comes to dating and long-term relationships. We discuss this phenomenon and go through why sex may not be as bad on a first date.

Our main topic is a discussion on Sexuality and Gender Expression with Debra Soh! Debra is a sex researcher and neuroscientist who writes a weekly column for Playboy and has been published in several other outlets, from Scientific American to the LA Times to the Globe and Mail. You can read a separate interview that Debra had in Quillette earlier this year if you are more interested in her background and areas of focus.

As a sexologist, Debra focuses on why people have the sexual interests they have and if there is cause, neurologically, for there to be a predisposition (or even if these paraphilias are hard-wired into the brain). She discusses recent research and findings in these areas, as well as whether this applied to gender identity. We also discuss some of the more taboo paraphilias, including "cub" attraction within the fandom. 

Debra invites all listeners that have questions for her, or if you want to keep up with her recent publications, to visit her Twitter page, @debra_soh. We would like to thank Debra for coming on and sharing her expertise in this. 

We close out the show a question from a listener who is in a long distance relationship with someone who is entirely incompatible in physical appearance, fetishes, and sexual roles. Do two tops make a bottom, or should the listener break up? Debra helps us out on this involved question.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 049 Sex Drive Mismatches

We open this week's show with a discussion on how Sex Addiction should not be considered a mental disorder. We look at Debra Soh's article in Playboy Magazine on how the science and support of individuals who have hypersexual libidos has shifted and should continue to shift in the future. 

Our main topic is on Sex Drive Mismatches. We've spoken about this in previous Advice Articles, however we wanted to devote a show to this topic as we frequently receive questions concerning this area. We redux our previous article and talk about what to do if you have a lower sex drive (like Metriko), a higher sex drive (like Viro), and ways you can reconcile the two and move forward in your relationship in an ethical, open and honest way. 

We close out this week with a question from someone who is attracted to twinks, but no matter how hard he tries he just can't seem to get twinks to like him back. We talk about monoliths, hivemind, and rounding up to one.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 042 Empathy

We open this week's show with a discussion on ways to make your polyamorous relationship more sustainable. When couples make the switch from a monogamous to a polyamorous relationship, many face feelings of fear, jealousy, and anger. We discuss an article written by one such individual and the ways that he and his partners worked through those feelings to find relationship stability and bliss.

Our main topic is on empathy. Much like our previous episode on Envy versus Jealousy, many people often use sympathy and empathy interchangeably. We discuss the differences between the two before diving into why empathy matters in your life and your relationship. Empathy forms one of the core foundations upon which a relationship stands-- too much and you find yourself burning out, too little and your partner might seek elsewhere to find emotional support. We look into how you can use empathy in a way to resolve conflicts in a non-violent fashion, and how empathy can reinforce your emotional boundaries and integrity. We also discuss the levels of empathy that we experience and ways that we have had to either raise or lower that level to keep our relationship going. 

We close this week with a question about the appropriate speed one should explore their sexual interests, especially if they are experiencing their "gay teens" later on in life. We talk safety, responsibility, and how to keep Grindr from becoming more important than your friends. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 037 Sex Toys 101

On this week's show we open with a discussion on whether or not your friends actually like you. In the day and age of social media how many of your friends are actually friends?

Our main topic is on sex toys! Join Metriko and Viro on a whirlwind tour of sex toys, from butt plugs to strap ons, what to look for, and what you should avoid. Try not to blush as you listen!

We close out with a series of questions from our backlog and some feedback on integrating sex toys into your bedroom with a partner.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 032 Anal Sex 101

We open this week's show with a discussion about whether or not having sex is a determining factor in your relationship's success. Does frequent sex lead to a deeper, more meaningful relationship? We answer this with science.

Our main topic is on Anal Sex. Many individuals across every gender and sexual preference spectrum imaginable have asked us on how to have anal in a way that is pleasurable and accessible. This episode is geared towards beginners to anal sex-- maybe you're a straight male interested in getting pegged for the first time, or you're a female who just really enjoys the idea of anal but have no idea how to get started. We demystify this with the help of our resident bottom, Koji!

We have a series of questions, ranging from questions about anal to questions about relationships in a pack house. It's a panel of questions you don't want to miss!

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 013 AD Twitter Etiquette

This week we talk about After Dark Twitter, the whys, the hows, and the what not to dos. 

AD Twitter can be a great place for you to engage yourself -- and others -- in kinks, fetishes, and roleplay and can expand your sexual wheelhouse. That being said, there is a social contract involved when you engage in this type of activity, both as a "producer" and a "consumer". 

We discuss how to interact with people in a way that portrays you in a good light and allows you to embrace the fun, sexy side of the fandom. We also talk about the risks and ways to mitigate your naked body becoming a public attraction.

We also have a listener question about how to move on after the end of a possibly unhealthy relationship. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 011 Online and Long Distance Relationships

Online Relationships and Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) have become a staple of the fandom due to our massive presence online. Most furries will, at one point or another, enter into some kind of a relationship that is non-local. 

How do you begin such a relationship, or maintain it once it is underway? What is the difference between an Online Relationship and a Long Distance Relationship? How do you set reasonable expectations for the relationship? What is the best way to keep intimacy regular when you might be continents apart? 

We also answer the question of whether you need a primary partner in order to be polyamorous. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 010 The Campsite Rule

Today we discuss the Campsite Rule, a concept that deals with intergenerational relationships (or relationships with drastic experience differences). How can you be in a relationship ethically when you are with a partner who is much younger than you, or much less experienced at relationships / sex / intimacy than you? We also talk about whether or not you should have sex with an ex, especially after you've just broken up.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 008 Owning Your Sh*t

Tonight we talk about you again. If episode seven is about loving yourself, this episode is about accepting the darker, less fun parts of yourself and how to ensure you are not self-sabotaging your relationship. It's about accepting yourself-- faults and all-- and moving forward in life. It's a tricky subject, but we'll get through it together!

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.