self-love

FA 066 Shame 3: Direct to VHS

We open this week's episode with a discussion on monogamy and polyamory. We look at an article recently published on CNN's website that discusses polyamory in a mostly positive light. We go over the highlights, the minor issues, and why articles like this are important in the long run.

Our main topic this week is the conclusion of our series on shame. We talk about the common missteps and conflicts that can prohibit you from finding true independence from a shameful existence, like fear of abandonment or betrayal. We then get to the light at the end of the tunnel and go over the steps and actions you must take in order to live a life of genuine self-validation, and how to communicate with your current partners about the path that you feel you must take.

We close out the show with a question on long distance relationships and cheating. Our questioner's boyfriend claims that his multiple-personality-disorder is causing him to have an affair, and the questioner wants to know if this passes our smell test.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 064 Shame

On this week's show we open with a discussion on our recent article in Playboy. We go over some of the feedback we've received, explain some of our thoughts on the complaints, and explain why we agreed to give an interview in the first place in as least of a flippant fashion as possible. We also go over some feedback from last week's episode and add in a comic that was published by Oh Joy Sex Toy! which discusses Pup Play in comic format. We totally forgot to mention that-- our bad!

Our main topic is on shame. We talk about what shame actually is, how it forms in you as an individual, and what it can do to your life if left unchecked. The first in a three part episode series, this is a personal episode about us as hosts and you as a listener. Let's journey together as we work collectively to undo our faults. 

We close out the show with a question on sexual intimacy. How can someone have a dick too sensitive to touch but not sensitive enough from penetrative sex to cum? Is there something wrong with him, or is he doomed to never pleasing a sexual partner ever.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 062 Calming Your Emotions

On this week’s show we open with a discussion on sex-positivity and Orthodox religions. We look at an interview with an Orthodox Jewish couple who lead a double life: religious adherents by day, polyamorous couple by night. We discuss our opinions on their story and ways that it might be dangerous as an example for others.

Our main topic is on Calming Your Emotions. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is the joining of Behavioral Therapy, Mindful Meditation, and Stoicism, three areas we have previously discussed. We go over the four pillars of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and discuss ways that you can employ these skills in your life to enhance your relationships with yourself and other people.

We close out the show with a question on coming out to your family as bisexual. How do you tell your family that you are bisexual, want to move away, and also are a furry? Better yet- should you tell your family? We discuss the positives and negatives of both options.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 058 Commissioning Art

We open this week's show with a discussion on workplace discrimination and sexuality-based pay gaps. In the past research was done on a binary approach (heterosexuals versus non-heterosexuals). Now that more data is in, we can dive in and see which group in the LGB community (still not enough information for Trans*/NB individuals quite yet) make the most-- and least-- money. If this were other websites, we would inform you that number five will surprise you.

Our main topic is on Commissioning Art. With this being the day after Valentine's Day, we wanted to tackle a lighter, more fandom related topic, and one of the more common questions we receive is what is the best etiquette to practice when commissioning art of your character (and perhaps of other people's characters). We go through a quick checklist of things to look out for, points about copyright law, and steps that commissioners and artists alike can take to ensure the goodwill continues to be fostered in the fandom.

We close with a question on how to make friends if you are older than most other furries and also might have physical impairments you might be self-conscious about.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 057 Sex and Romance After Assault

Before we get into the content of this show, we want to advise you that this episode contains discussions on abuse (emotional, physical, and sexual). If you are sensitive to such discussions we caution you against listening to this episode. Please consider listening to a show from our library, or hugging someone, or waiting until next week to listen to our next episode. Thank you for your consideration! 

We open this week's show with a discussion on mouth wash and gonorrhea. While gingivitis and bad breath are the standard enemies of Listerine, is it possible that your daily hygiene regimen can mitigate against the spread of an STI?

Our main topic is on sex and romance after assault. As individuals who have gone through various forms of abuse, we open up about our experiences, our healing process, and ways that we were able to grow and learn to love ourselves (and others) after the fact. This is a rough subject, and a heavy episode-- however it is an important episode and we encourage you to listen. 

We close out this week with a question on suicidal mates and the burden of support. How can you support a suicidal partner, and what should you do if you no longer feel you can offer that support.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 056 Rebuilding Trust (After Betrayal)

We open this week's show with a discussion on poppers and eyesight damage. No, we're not talking about jalapeño poppers, but the kind of poppers you huff (if you huff jalapeño poppers please let us know). Known as VCR Cleaner, Tape Cleaner, or Leather Cleaner, this is a commonly encountered additive to sex that many people enjoy, and it is not well researched in terms of consequences to your long-term health. We look at one investigation that links damage to your vision to the usage of poppers and add another reason to consider carefully your choice to include them in your play.

Our main topic is on rebuilding trust in a relationship after a betrayal, cheating, or a rule violation. Relationships are never perfect and mistakes happen, but how to move beyond that mistake is not often discussed and it is consistently one of our more commonly asked questions. We look into this area of relationship healing and offer advice to both the offender and the hurt, as well as provide looks into our lives when we have been put on either side of this situation.

We close out this week's show with a discussion on love. What is love? Am I in love? What's love got to do with it? These are questions that singers and sages have asked for years but have yet to provide an answer. We hope to help one of our listeners figure out whether or not they are in love with their best friend and, if so, should they pop the question. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 055 Self-Care during Jealousy and Breakups

On this week’s show we open with a discussion on whether or not apps like Tinder or Grindr have changed what people consider the “right” number of sexual partners when considering you as a potential mate. We look at an article in Playboy by Debra Soh that delves into the Goldilocks-zone of sexual partners.

Our main topic is on Self-Care during Jealousy, and Breakups. In relationships, whether monogamous or polyamorous, closed or open, we are all bound to experience bouts of jealousy. We discuss tips and tools to employ to help get over your jealousy in a relationship to ensure that you handle yourself in a healthy, non-violent fashion. We also look at the end of a relationship and how to take care of yourself and promote closure and moving forward when you go through a breakup.

We close out the show with a question on how to approach a friend who has fallen in love with you. Should you ask them whether or not they like you or like-like you, or is it best to say nothing in an attempt to maintain the current relationship status quo?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 054 All Questions Show Vol. 3

On this week’s show we open with a discussion about a recent study on whether or not testing for herpes should be included in the standard STD panel. We look into research and advisements that show that testing for herpes on a regular basis may not be as effective, despite the best of intentions.

Our topic today is our third all questions show! We take a trip through our backlog of questions, ranging from fitness to long distance relationships to dating friends. Several of these questions are longer and, as always, we invite you to offer your feedback on the questions and offer advice of your own, especially if you think we missed something or got it wrong.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 052 Commitment vs. Autonomy

We open this week's show with a discussion on how self-control is just you empathizing with your future self. We look at an article that discusses your brain (with words that Metriko barely can pronounce) and how empathy and self-control are merely two sides of the same coin. It's an interesting lead in because-

Our main topic is commitment vs. autonomy in a relationship. As a relationship develops and becomes long-term, partners often struggle with balancing how to maintain their independence without sacrificing intimacy in the relationship. We discuss the definitions, pitfalls, and tribulations that are often encountered in such encounters, and ways that you can work to help stabilize your relationship. It's a real romp of a topic and one to get 2017 off with a running start!

Our closing question is from a bisexual guy who has issues emotionally connecting with ladies and problems performing anal sex with men. Is he doomed to be a straight player or is this just latent homophobia? We unpack this question and offer some less accusatory answers to his questions.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 042 Empathy

We open this week's show with a discussion on ways to make your polyamorous relationship more sustainable. When couples make the switch from a monogamous to a polyamorous relationship, many face feelings of fear, jealousy, and anger. We discuss an article written by one such individual and the ways that he and his partners worked through those feelings to find relationship stability and bliss.

Our main topic is on empathy. Much like our previous episode on Envy versus Jealousy, many people often use sympathy and empathy interchangeably. We discuss the differences between the two before diving into why empathy matters in your life and your relationship. Empathy forms one of the core foundations upon which a relationship stands-- too much and you find yourself burning out, too little and your partner might seek elsewhere to find emotional support. We look into how you can use empathy in a way to resolve conflicts in a non-violent fashion, and how empathy can reinforce your emotional boundaries and integrity. We also discuss the levels of empathy that we experience and ways that we have had to either raise or lower that level to keep our relationship going. 

We close this week with a question about the appropriate speed one should explore their sexual interests, especially if they are experiencing their "gay teens" later on in life. We talk safety, responsibility, and how to keep Grindr from becoming more important than your friends. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 035.5 Flexibility, Love, and Trust

This is a bonus episode where we will start by playing a song written by Rebecca Sugar from the Cartoon Network show, Steven Universe. We will discuss the meaning and importance behind the lyrics, and how they can be used as a mantra to help you find inner peace and strength when you are lost or consumed by emotion. 

We will be discussing this song in a way that will not spoil the plot of the show or reveal character motivations; we will only be discussing the meaning behind the lyrics. Stay tuned after the show for a discussion that goes into detail about the characters and their motivations; we will provide a spoiler warning for those who have not seen the show yet so they can choose to stop listening. We highly recommend watching Steven Universe from the beginning so that the song and the story behind it will have a fuller effect.

 

FA 034 Financial Responsibility

We open this week's show with a discussion on whether or not money makes a relationship happier and longer lasting. We go through a Chinese study to find a possible answer to whether or not money can buy love and happiness. 

Our main topic is on financial responsibility. Your hosts, with guest RhythmFox, discuss different issues that you might encounter in your life, from difficulty setting a budget, attending a convention in a fiscally responsible way, or learning the difference between a national bank and a credit union. We talk about our lives and how we've made mistakes in the hopes that you can avoid doing the same yourself.

We close with a question on how to handle being in a relationship where you're supporting a mate who does not seem motivated to find work of their own.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 029 How to be Single and Happy

On tonight's show we talk about how gender-stereotypical genes might play a large role in your attraction towards others in life. Viro talks about a recent study that might show how the stereotypes of gender affect interpersonal attraction. We also point out the problem areas in the study and why this is not yet a universal truth.

Our main topic is on how to be single and happy. For some, it can be difficult to attain both at the same time. We discuss ways and methods you can employ to achieve both without ignoring the fact that you are, in fact, not currently in a relationship. A lot of the methods can play a part even when you are in a relationship, especially if your partner(s) are long distance or prone to travelling often.

Our question this week is on how to handle your feelings of affection, romance, and sexual desire toward a roommate that may not be reciprocated. If you have had sex before you moved into an apartment with someone as a roommate, how do you handle a potential cooling off that might occur.

We have feedback on sounding advice and why, perhaps, our sound advice was a bit unsound. Confused? Sir Arcane, co-host of A Hairy Prone Companion and the President of the Lansing Pups and Handlers takes us to school. 

We also would like to remind everyone to check out our appearance on the Alter Ego podcast. We talk with Athena, the host of the show, about fursonas, why we're furries, and what the fandom means to us. It's a great show and you should give it a listen.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 028 Resilience

On tonight's show we open with a discussion on how women who are cheated on might win in the long run. While some might say the true victory is not being hitched with a cheating asshole, is it possible that the long-term effects of being cheated on might outweigh the short-term pain?

Our main topic is on resilience. Resilience is the quality to recover quickly from periods of difficulty and strain in your life, and it is a tool that many people lack as it is not innate but learned. Unfortunately, too many people equate resilience with being overly stoic, where you adopt a poker face and never have moments of vulnerability or weakness. In much the same way that bravery is standing in moments of fear, resilience is standing in moments of weakness. We discuss how to become more resilient, the benefits of resiliency, and why all of this is important for your relationships. 

We move on to a listener question on the friend zone. How can you stop being the best friend and become the boyfriend? (Spoiler: the friend zone is a myth). We discuss ways that you can exert your emotional bandwidth and employ direct, sensible communication. We also trash pick up artists a bit and make fun of negging.  

We close out the show with some feedback on whether or not the show should have opposing viewpoints and whether or not we, as hosts, exist in an echo chamber that is howling into the faceless void.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 027 Body Image and Self-Love

We open our show with our Anthrocon interview with Nuka, from the International Anthropomorphic Research Program. It's about 25 minutes long and super fascinating and touches on topics ranging from Gender, Sexuality, and Relationships in the furry fandom. If you would like to read a transcript, please refer to our Transcript in our Advice Column. Thanks again, Nuka, and we look forward to your upcoming papers!

Our main topic is on Body Image and Self-Love. This can be an incredibly difficult area for a lot of people, especially furries. We get told that we are either too thin, too fat, too muscular, or in some cases too short or tall to take seriously. While furry has been able to fetishize a lot of what makes us different and our bodies unique, when it comes to interactions in person there can be a lot of self-consciousness about how we look. 

A lot of people find they are not their 'ideal' body size, and for some they struggle to change this. As a podcast with someone who is chubby, someone who was once chubby, and someone who has been told is too thin, we wanted to express how you can love yourself regardless of the size. We go into the health side, the mental side, and ways you can work to lose weight, gain weight, and stand tall when people make fun of you for your size. 

As always, we are not medical professionals and, before embarking on a health adventure, take the time to consult a doctor to ensure your plan will be sustainable for you. Also, you're amazing, no matter your size, shape, or anything else. 

We close out the show with a question on pet play, polyamory, and the renegotiation period in a D/s relationship. What can a pup do when they struggle with jealousy?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 026 Living For Yourself

We open tonight's episode with a discussion about the Pope. Why does everyone seem to like this Pope, and what exactly did he mean when he told reporters that Christians should apologize? We rely on Viro, our resident recovering Catholic, to break the secret code and tell us why we should care, or if this is just false hope from the Pope!

Our main topic is on how to Live For Yourself. Really, though, this episode is about the power of telling other people to fuck off. As you can imagine, this episode contains adult language, so enjoy. 

We discuss various strategies you can employ to ensure that people stop having control over your life and, really, why should you care what that stranger on the bus thinks about you? We talk science, philosophy, and butts on this exciting, casual episode of self-empowerment and profanity!

Our listener question for the week is about whether you can be polyamorous but only want to have sexual contact with your primary. We talk a bit about non sexual significant others and what that can mean for you! 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 016 Communication Styles

This week we lead off with a discussion about a recent study showing that DNA may influence your sex life. Check out the Show Notes for a link to the study.

Our main topic is about communication. What different styles are there and what are the pros and cons of each? Healthy communication in a relationship is what nourishes the love that grows. Developing communication skills and habits can be incredibly difficult, especially if you grew up in an environment that did not foster such growth. We discuss all of this, as well as how to identify and avoid the pitfalls of communication styles and how to work with your partner to ensure that there are fewer misunderstandings in your relationship. 

We also have a listener question about what to do if you are involuntarily celibate. This can have a long-lasting impact on the health and well being of an individual and, for some, it is a real struggle. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 013 AD Twitter Etiquette

This week we talk about After Dark Twitter, the whys, the hows, and the what not to dos. 

AD Twitter can be a great place for you to engage yourself -- and others -- in kinks, fetishes, and roleplay and can expand your sexual wheelhouse. That being said, there is a social contract involved when you engage in this type of activity, both as a "producer" and a "consumer". 

We discuss how to interact with people in a way that portrays you in a good light and allows you to embrace the fun, sexy side of the fandom. We also talk about the risks and ways to mitigate your naked body becoming a public attraction.

We also have a listener question about how to move on after the end of a possibly unhealthy relationship. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 012 Collie's Follies and Metriko's Mistakes

This week we go into the past and talk about our lives. What mistakes in life and relationships have we made, and how did we move forward from these negative situations? How have we handled some of the lowest moments of our life and what did we learn from this? 

We also take a question about whether or not you should sacrifice your relationship for employment.

Please note that this episode contains some sensitive material and covers some topics that some listeners might view as being disturbing. Please review our show notes for timestamps in order to prevent any emotional or mental issues that you might experience. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 010 The Campsite Rule

Today we discuss the Campsite Rule, a concept that deals with intergenerational relationships (or relationships with drastic experience differences). How can you be in a relationship ethically when you are with a partner who is much younger than you, or much less experienced at relationships / sex / intimacy than you? We also talk about whether or not you should have sex with an ex, especially after you've just broken up.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.