relationships

FA 075 All Questions Show Vol. 6

This week we open with a discussion on how to identify ways that your fuckbuddy, roleplay partner, or new romantic interest might not be into you. We look at an article from Grindr's blog (yes, we read it for the articles) concerning five ways to identify how he might just not be into you. We then tack on our own five and give examples from our own lives.

Our main section this week is our sixth All Questions Show! We cover a diverse range of topics, from how to decide between two potential lovers, to how to go about making friends in real life when no one seems to like you, to whether or not it is okay to not be interested in someone because of a perceived gap in intelligence. We offer our advice and, as always, invite you to offer your own takes on these issues. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 062 Calming Your Emotions

On this week’s show we open with a discussion on sex-positivity and Orthodox religions. We look at an interview with an Orthodox Jewish couple who lead a double life: religious adherents by day, polyamorous couple by night. We discuss our opinions on their story and ways that it might be dangerous as an example for others.

Our main topic is on Calming Your Emotions. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is the joining of Behavioral Therapy, Mindful Meditation, and Stoicism, three areas we have previously discussed. We go over the four pillars of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and discuss ways that you can employ these skills in your life to enhance your relationships with yourself and other people.

We close out the show with a question on coming out to your family as bisexual. How do you tell your family that you are bisexual, want to move away, and also are a furry? Better yet- should you tell your family? We discuss the positives and negatives of both options.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 059 Handling Arguments at Conventions

We open this week's show with a discussion on STIs in New York City. Over the past three decades STIs have been on the rise while funding has remained stagnant. We look at factors as to why and ask the ultimate question: why is sexual health not considered to be recession proof?

Our main topic is on handling arguments at conventions. We discuss the common arguments, causes for arguments, and ways to avoid arguing with loved ones at conventions. We also approach the topic of former lovers, jilted exes, and friends who might have issues with you and how to handle confrontation (or even break ups) while at one of the most public of venues we as a fandom encounter.

We close out this week's show with a question on how to handle rejection. In a search for Mister Right, how can you handle being told no repeatedly or being matched with guys that just are not compatible? Should the expectations be adjusted, or is it perhaps too narrow a net is being cast? We discuss realism, optimism, and pessimism and how to appropriately set expectations.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 048 Pack House Dynamics

We open this week's show with a discussion on why polyamory (or open relationships, really) are not for everyone. We discuss a YouTube Video which goes through this discussion in a fun, informative way, and we think that if you enjoy the show you would enjoy the video. Give it a watch after the show HERE.

Our main topic is on Pack Houses. We break down why that might be the wrong question to ask, as well as detail just what a communal house is, how they are structured, and how you can cohabitate in an intentional community. One of the most commonly asked questions of the show is how can one find a polyamorous house to live in, and we address why pack houses are less a random roommate on Craigslist and actually a relationship that you are entering.

We close out the show with two questions: one on BDSM Anxiety and the other on Long Distance Polyamory.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 042 Empathy

We open this week's show with a discussion on ways to make your polyamorous relationship more sustainable. When couples make the switch from a monogamous to a polyamorous relationship, many face feelings of fear, jealousy, and anger. We discuss an article written by one such individual and the ways that he and his partners worked through those feelings to find relationship stability and bliss.

Our main topic is on empathy. Much like our previous episode on Envy versus Jealousy, many people often use sympathy and empathy interchangeably. We discuss the differences between the two before diving into why empathy matters in your life and your relationship. Empathy forms one of the core foundations upon which a relationship stands-- too much and you find yourself burning out, too little and your partner might seek elsewhere to find emotional support. We look into how you can use empathy in a way to resolve conflicts in a non-violent fashion, and how empathy can reinforce your emotional boundaries and integrity. We also discuss the levels of empathy that we experience and ways that we have had to either raise or lower that level to keep our relationship going. 

We close this week with a question about the appropriate speed one should explore their sexual interests, especially if they are experiencing their "gay teens" later on in life. We talk safety, responsibility, and how to keep Grindr from becoming more important than your friends. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 035.5 Flexibility, Love, and Trust

This is a bonus episode where we will start by playing a song written by Rebecca Sugar from the Cartoon Network show, Steven Universe. We will discuss the meaning and importance behind the lyrics, and how they can be used as a mantra to help you find inner peace and strength when you are lost or consumed by emotion. 

We will be discussing this song in a way that will not spoil the plot of the show or reveal character motivations; we will only be discussing the meaning behind the lyrics. Stay tuned after the show for a discussion that goes into detail about the characters and their motivations; we will provide a spoiler warning for those who have not seen the show yet so they can choose to stop listening. We highly recommend watching Steven Universe from the beginning so that the song and the story behind it will have a fuller effect.

 

FA 019 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

On this week's podcast we open with a discussion on why you might be experiencing poor sleep when you are in a new environment. Is it just anxiety, excitement, or could it be a more primal, feral sensation that your brain is having?

Our main topic is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Cognitive Distortions. We discuss what the most common cognitive distortions are and how they can affect the way that you perceive the world, as well as interfere with your relationships. We then discuss ways that you can manage these distortions and find a path to a happier, healthier you. 

Cognitive Distortions are a serious issue, especially when you put them in play into a relationship. They allow for negative, self-sabotaging behavior to rear its ugly head and the collateral damage can be incredibly great. While we discuss common methods for coping and resolving these issues, we do want to stress that we are not licensed mental health experts; this podcast does not represent any form of consultation or diagnosis. If you have further questions or want to come up with an action plan for correcting behaviors we discuss in this show, seek help from a licensed professional that specializes in this area.

We close out the episode with a question about how to tell your long-term monogamous partner that you want to give polyamory a try. We talk about communication a lot in our answer.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 017 Emotional Blackmail

We begin this week's podcast with a discussion on "ghosting" furry conventions: What exactly is ghosting, what are the ethics of con attendance, and who is ghosting really hurting (spoiler: everyone).

For our main topic this week, we kick off our Mental Health Month by talking about emotional blackmail. We here at Feral Attraction believe that emotional blackmail can be one of the most insidious poisons in a relationship, and as we have mentioned it in the past, we wanted to dedicate an entire episode to it.

Emotional Blackmail can take many forms, and everyone is vulnerable to it — whether you are the child of a passive aggressive parent, or the dom in your D/s relationship. The good news is that there are warning signs of emotional blackmail that you can look out for, and ways to de-escalate and resolve these situations without them turning into a relationship cold war. 

We do discuss some topics relating to abuse and self-harm in this episode, so please be advised of this content. We also would like to reiterate that if you find yourself in an abusive relationship, please seek the appropriate level of care and assistance to get you safely out of that situation.

After our main topic, we take a listener question that is in response to our STI Prevention and Risk Mitigation episode, pertaining to anxiety after being informed of a partner's STI status. Though the asker understands the low risk associated with his partner's STI, he is still a bit nervous when it comes to having a full-blown sex life with his partner. What should he do?

Finally, we close the show with some feedback in which a listener shares resources that may be helpful to the non-monogamous community, focusing on one of our favorite books, More Than Two.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 016 Communication Styles

This week we lead off with a discussion about a recent study showing that DNA may influence your sex life. Check out the Show Notes for a link to the study.

Our main topic is about communication. What different styles are there and what are the pros and cons of each? Healthy communication in a relationship is what nourishes the love that grows. Developing communication skills and habits can be incredibly difficult, especially if you grew up in an environment that did not foster such growth. We discuss all of this, as well as how to identify and avoid the pitfalls of communication styles and how to work with your partner to ensure that there are fewer misunderstandings in your relationship. 

We also have a listener question about what to do if you are involuntarily celibate. This can have a long-lasting impact on the health and well being of an individual and, for some, it is a real struggle. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 014 Safer Sex Practices and STIs

This week we talk about Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). This is a long episode-- over three hours-- that is full of as much information that we could cram in. 

We go over the ways to mitigate against STIs by using safer sex practices like condoms, and then take a look into the most commonly transmitted STIs. We discuss the transmission routes, the symptoms, the treatments, and the ways you can mitigate specifically against each one. We discuss studies and reports and offer a lot of resources that you can find in our Show Notes for this episode-- it is highly recommended that you give them a look. You can also use this to skip to sections that interest you or perhaps you are curious about.

Unfortunately we are not able to cover every piece of information available in this episode, but we do recommend using this as a resource for having a discussion with your doctor about your sexual health. We also hope that this can serve as a resource to help correct some of the misinformation that is sometimes shared in Public Education Sexual Education classes. 

We also have a listener question about how to find a mate, especially if it has been some time since you were last in a relationship.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 013 AD Twitter Etiquette

This week we talk about After Dark Twitter, the whys, the hows, and the what not to dos. 

AD Twitter can be a great place for you to engage yourself -- and others -- in kinks, fetishes, and roleplay and can expand your sexual wheelhouse. That being said, there is a social contract involved when you engage in this type of activity, both as a "producer" and a "consumer". 

We discuss how to interact with people in a way that portrays you in a good light and allows you to embrace the fun, sexy side of the fandom. We also talk about the risks and ways to mitigate your naked body becoming a public attraction.

We also have a listener question about how to move on after the end of a possibly unhealthy relationship. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 012 Collie's Follies and Metriko's Mistakes

This week we go into the past and talk about our lives. What mistakes in life and relationships have we made, and how did we move forward from these negative situations? How have we handled some of the lowest moments of our life and what did we learn from this? 

We also take a question about whether or not you should sacrifice your relationship for employment.

Please note that this episode contains some sensitive material and covers some topics that some listeners might view as being disturbing. Please review our show notes for timestamps in order to prevent any emotional or mental issues that you might experience. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 011 Online and Long Distance Relationships

Online Relationships and Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) have become a staple of the fandom due to our massive presence online. Most furries will, at one point or another, enter into some kind of a relationship that is non-local. 

How do you begin such a relationship, or maintain it once it is underway? What is the difference between an Online Relationship and a Long Distance Relationship? How do you set reasonable expectations for the relationship? What is the best way to keep intimacy regular when you might be continents apart? 

We also answer the question of whether you need a primary partner in order to be polyamorous. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 010 The Campsite Rule

Today we discuss the Campsite Rule, a concept that deals with intergenerational relationships (or relationships with drastic experience differences). How can you be in a relationship ethically when you are with a partner who is much younger than you, or much less experienced at relationships / sex / intimacy than you? We also talk about whether or not you should have sex with an ex, especially after you've just broken up.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 009 Emotional Bandwidth

How do you know when you are tapped out emotionally and can not really support new connections? How do you let people down when they are interested in you but you don't reciprocate the feeling? How do you talk to people who can only make small talk? Also, how do you handle a relationship when you aren't in the best financial position?

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.