non-monogamy

FA 048 Pack House Dynamics

We open this week's show with a discussion on why polyamory (or open relationships, really) are not for everyone. We discuss a YouTube Video which goes through this discussion in a fun, informative way, and we think that if you enjoy the show you would enjoy the video. Give it a watch after the show HERE.

Our main topic is on Pack Houses. We break down why that might be the wrong question to ask, as well as detail just what a communal house is, how they are structured, and how you can cohabitate in an intentional community. One of the most commonly asked questions of the show is how can one find a polyamorous house to live in, and we address why pack houses are less a random roommate on Craigslist and actually a relationship that you are entering.

We close out the show with two questions: one on BDSM Anxiety and the other on Long Distance Polyamory.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 047 Explaining Relationships to Family

We open this week on a serious note. As many are aware there was a tragic accident within the Pup community this past week that took the life of one of its most sex positive, fun, outgoing members. We were faced with a dilemma on how to approach this, as we wanted to address the dangers of self-breathplay (autoerotic asphyxiation) without shaming or causing additional pain for those whose lives he touched. It's an important topic, and one that we would be remiss to not discuss, so we attempt to do so as delicately as possible. 

What's important, in moments like these, is that we do not equate the individual to the mistake and, instead, celebrate the positivity and light that they shared with us. It's important that we educate others off of the mistake made, and continue the legacy they started of being open, honest, kink friendly, and a mentor and friend to many. It is in this spirit that we discuss auto-erotic asphyxiation and the inherent dangers as our top of the show. 

We did not use names, as we did not want to cause additional grief for others. It is our hope that we did this properly and, if you feel otherwise, we invite you to contact us with your feedback. This is a Pup who will be missed by many, including ourselves. May we all continue to spread their legacy to all we encounter on a daily basis.

Our main topic is on explaining relationships to family. During this holiday season many will have the unique position of "coming out" to their parents, whether it's as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, or as an individual in a poly relationship. We discuss how to prepare yourself for this, how to handle the ongoing conversations that might be started, and how to move forward once you've opened the dialogue. 

Our question for the week focuses on this main topic-- how do you handle a family member who does not want you telling other people about your relationship because they are afraid it will cause gossip or damage the reputation of the family?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 046 Monogamy

We open this week with a discussion on how to have the best headspace for making important decisions in your life. All too often we make choices in our life when we're in an emotional state (breaking up when you're having an argument, agreeing to plans when you're in a good mood, etc...) that end up backfiring on us. We discuss some research on how to make the best, rational decisions for yourself and your life. Remember-- never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach!

Our main topic is on monogamy. While Feral Attraction exists primarily as a podcast to detain non-traditional and non-monogamous relationships and lifestyles, monogamy is still the relationship style of choice for much of the public. While the furry fandom might be uniquely enriched with individuals exploring alternatives to monogamy, we did want to dedicate an episode to monogamy as it does carry its own unique challenges and difficulties to prosper.

We discuss the benefits of monogamy and why many people choose (or never deviate from the cultural norm) to be monogamous. We also discuss some of the challenges and pitfalls that people who are monogamous might experience, both in their relationships in general and in the fandom at large. 

We also have two questions this week, one on whether or not it's a good idea to invite a third into the bedroom, and another on what to do if you find yourself falling for your Master/Dom/Domme in a D/s relationship. Buckle in-- it's a long ride this week with Metriko and Viro! 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 040 Boundaries vs Rules

On this week's show we open with a discussion of an article Debra Soh wrote on common misconceptions people make about polyamorous relationships. We use science to debunk mistakes: it's almost as if one of the hosts is a scientist! 

Our main topic is on Boundaries versus Rules (featuring Ultimatums). We go into the differences between these ideas, why they are not interchangeable, and why you might need to change how you think about your relationship terms. 

We close out the show with a Patreon shoutout to Snares (seriously go and give money to this comic), a reminder to see our episode of Culturally F'd!, and a question on changing the expectations of a poly relationship when locations and living circumstances change. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 037 Sex Toys 101

On this week's show we open with a discussion on whether or not your friends actually like you. In the day and age of social media how many of your friends are actually friends?

Our main topic is on sex toys! Join Metriko and Viro on a whirlwind tour of sex toys, from butt plugs to strap ons, what to look for, and what you should avoid. Try not to blush as you listen!

We close out with a series of questions from our backlog and some feedback on integrating sex toys into your bedroom with a partner.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 032 Anal Sex 101

We open this week's show with a discussion about whether or not having sex is a determining factor in your relationship's success. Does frequent sex lead to a deeper, more meaningful relationship? We answer this with science.

Our main topic is on Anal Sex. Many individuals across every gender and sexual preference spectrum imaginable have asked us on how to have anal in a way that is pleasurable and accessible. This episode is geared towards beginners to anal sex-- maybe you're a straight male interested in getting pegged for the first time, or you're a female who just really enjoys the idea of anal but have no idea how to get started. We demystify this with the help of our resident bottom, Koji!

We have a series of questions, ranging from questions about anal to questions about relationships in a pack house. It's a panel of questions you don't want to miss!

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 023 BDSM Roles Demystified

We open tonight's show with a discussion of a hotel owner who spied on his tenants for over thirty years. He recorded information concerning their sexual activity, sent this to someone who wrote for the New Yorker as "research data," and slowly grew more and more cynical toward those he was spying on. Was he a sex researcher or was he an unethical voyeur? (Spoiler, he was an unethical voyeur)

Our main topic is on common roles that individuals take on while participating in BDSM. Last week we discussed negotiating a BDSM / power exchange relationship contract. Tonight we talk about the different roles that you might find yourself in, whether that is as a Dominant or a submissive. While this is not an exhaustive list and you might find yourself wearing multiple hats (or, perhaps in the case of BDSM, multiple hoods), this gives a good idea of what might interest you if you are looking to get into BDSM or a power exchange dynamic.

We close out with a question on how to bring up the topic of the furry fandom to a new partner who is not furry. What are some ways you can gauge their interest or views on the fandom without perhaps giving away the fact that you are a member? 

There is also some feedback on the usage of labels on the show. Is there a need to apply labels to everything, or is that just shoving people into a box that has preconceived notions and, perhaps, negative connotations? 

It's a show full of labels and laughs as we demystify the common roles in BDSM!

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 018 Gaslighting

On this week's podcast we open with a discussion on Twitter lists that propagate libelous information. How should you handle a situation when someone is falsely accusing you of doing something potentially illegal?

Our main topic is gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone maliciously attempts to convince you that your perception of an event is false in order to manipulate you. This can take the form of calling you crazy, saying that you are wrong about something, or making you doubt your own memories. Oftentimes, this method is employed by people close to you, such as a partner, a parent, a teacher, or a boss.

If you are susceptible to these types of suggestions it can be incredibly damaging to your psyche. We discuss how to identify gaslighting and distinguish it from a genuine misunderstanding, then describe ways to defend yourself against gaslighting, including what to do when you realize that you are being gaslit. 

We also answer a listener question about how to tell a partner that you are in love with them, and how to challenge the gender norms that the man in a relationship has to be the first one to offer such a confession. What can a lesbian do?

We end with some feedback concerning our show and the bias that we, as hosts, have as (mostly) gay men. Are we intentionally excluding other genders or relationship styles when we offer advice?

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 016 Communication Styles

This week we lead off with a discussion about a recent study showing that DNA may influence your sex life. Check out the Show Notes for a link to the study.

Our main topic is about communication. What different styles are there and what are the pros and cons of each? Healthy communication in a relationship is what nourishes the love that grows. Developing communication skills and habits can be incredibly difficult, especially if you grew up in an environment that did not foster such growth. We discuss all of this, as well as how to identify and avoid the pitfalls of communication styles and how to work with your partner to ensure that there are fewer misunderstandings in your relationship. 

We also have a listener question about what to do if you are involuntarily celibate. This can have a long-lasting impact on the health and well being of an individual and, for some, it is a real struggle. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 012 Collie's Follies and Metriko's Mistakes

This week we go into the past and talk about our lives. What mistakes in life and relationships have we made, and how did we move forward from these negative situations? How have we handled some of the lowest moments of our life and what did we learn from this? 

We also take a question about whether or not you should sacrifice your relationship for employment.

Please note that this episode contains some sensitive material and covers some topics that some listeners might view as being disturbing. Please review our show notes for timestamps in order to prevent any emotional or mental issues that you might experience. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 007 Loving Yourself

On this week's episode we tackle the tricky topic (try saying that five times fast!) of how to love yourself. This can be difficult, especially in the fandom where many people struggle with positive self-identity. We talk about why it's important to start here before getting into a relationship, and we also talk about how to ensure you don't take it too far and end up a narcissist. 

Note:  We are aware of the small audio issue around 0:31:00 into the episode, but unfortunately there is nothing we can do there and hopefully it does not detract too much from your enjoyment. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 003 Non-Monogamous Furry Relationships 101

While this might seem like a review of previous episodes, this is a presentation of Viro the Science Collie's workshop at ANE2016 (and future cons) for those who are unable to attend. You can find the actual presentation under the "Presentations" page of our website.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 002 Nonviolent Communication

This episode focuses on the various nonviolent communication strategies you can employ in your relationships. We also take a listener question on the practicality of long-distance polyamorous relationships.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 001 Relationship Structures

On this episode we discuss relationship terminology: what are the different types of relationship structures found commonly in the fandom? Also, how do you handle jealousy in a relationship?

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.