monogamy

FA 056 Rebuilding Trust (After Betrayal)

We open this week's show with a discussion on poppers and eyesight damage. No, we're not talking about jalapeño poppers, but the kind of poppers you huff (if you huff jalapeño poppers please let us know). Known as VCR Cleaner, Tape Cleaner, or Leather Cleaner, this is a commonly encountered additive to sex that many people enjoy, and it is not well researched in terms of consequences to your long-term health. We look at one investigation that links damage to your vision to the usage of poppers and add another reason to consider carefully your choice to include them in your play.

Our main topic is on rebuilding trust in a relationship after a betrayal, cheating, or a rule violation. Relationships are never perfect and mistakes happen, but how to move beyond that mistake is not often discussed and it is consistently one of our more commonly asked questions. We look into this area of relationship healing and offer advice to both the offender and the hurt, as well as provide looks into our lives when we have been put on either side of this situation.

We close out this week's show with a discussion on love. What is love? Am I in love? What's love got to do with it? These are questions that singers and sages have asked for years but have yet to provide an answer. We hope to help one of our listeners figure out whether or not they are in love with their best friend and, if so, should they pop the question. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 052 Commitment vs. Autonomy

We open this week's show with a discussion on how self-control is just you empathizing with your future self. We look at an article that discusses your brain (with words that Metriko barely can pronounce) and how empathy and self-control are merely two sides of the same coin. It's an interesting lead in because-

Our main topic is commitment vs. autonomy in a relationship. As a relationship develops and becomes long-term, partners often struggle with balancing how to maintain their independence without sacrificing intimacy in the relationship. We discuss the definitions, pitfalls, and tribulations that are often encountered in such encounters, and ways that you can work to help stabilize your relationship. It's a real romp of a topic and one to get 2017 off with a running start!

Our closing question is from a bisexual guy who has issues emotionally connecting with ladies and problems performing anal sex with men. Is he doomed to be a straight player or is this just latent homophobia? We unpack this question and offer some less accusatory answers to his questions.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 046 Monogamy

We open this week with a discussion on how to have the best headspace for making important decisions in your life. All too often we make choices in our life when we're in an emotional state (breaking up when you're having an argument, agreeing to plans when you're in a good mood, etc...) that end up backfiring on us. We discuss some research on how to make the best, rational decisions for yourself and your life. Remember-- never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach!

Our main topic is on monogamy. While Feral Attraction exists primarily as a podcast to detain non-traditional and non-monogamous relationships and lifestyles, monogamy is still the relationship style of choice for much of the public. While the furry fandom might be uniquely enriched with individuals exploring alternatives to monogamy, we did want to dedicate an episode to monogamy as it does carry its own unique challenges and difficulties to prosper.

We discuss the benefits of monogamy and why many people choose (or never deviate from the cultural norm) to be monogamous. We also discuss some of the challenges and pitfalls that people who are monogamous might experience, both in their relationships in general and in the fandom at large. 

We also have two questions this week, one on whether or not it's a good idea to invite a third into the bedroom, and another on what to do if you find yourself falling for your Master/Dom/Domme in a D/s relationship. Buckle in-- it's a long ride this week with Metriko and Viro! 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 040 Boundaries vs Rules

On this week's show we open with a discussion of an article Debra Soh wrote on common misconceptions people make about polyamorous relationships. We use science to debunk mistakes: it's almost as if one of the hosts is a scientist! 

Our main topic is on Boundaries versus Rules (featuring Ultimatums). We go into the differences between these ideas, why they are not interchangeable, and why you might need to change how you think about your relationship terms. 

We close out the show with a Patreon shoutout to Snares (seriously go and give money to this comic), a reminder to see our episode of Culturally F'd!, and a question on changing the expectations of a poly relationship when locations and living circumstances change. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 018 Gaslighting

On this week's podcast we open with a discussion on Twitter lists that propagate libelous information. How should you handle a situation when someone is falsely accusing you of doing something potentially illegal?

Our main topic is gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone maliciously attempts to convince you that your perception of an event is false in order to manipulate you. This can take the form of calling you crazy, saying that you are wrong about something, or making you doubt your own memories. Oftentimes, this method is employed by people close to you, such as a partner, a parent, a teacher, or a boss.

If you are susceptible to these types of suggestions it can be incredibly damaging to your psyche. We discuss how to identify gaslighting and distinguish it from a genuine misunderstanding, then describe ways to defend yourself against gaslighting, including what to do when you realize that you are being gaslit. 

We also answer a listener question about how to tell a partner that you are in love with them, and how to challenge the gender norms that the man in a relationship has to be the first one to offer such a confession. What can a lesbian do?

We end with some feedback concerning our show and the bias that we, as hosts, have as (mostly) gay men. Are we intentionally excluding other genders or relationship styles when we offer advice?

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 017 Emotional Blackmail

We begin this week's podcast with a discussion on "ghosting" furry conventions: What exactly is ghosting, what are the ethics of con attendance, and who is ghosting really hurting (spoiler: everyone).

For our main topic this week, we kick off our Mental Health Month by talking about emotional blackmail. We here at Feral Attraction believe that emotional blackmail can be one of the most insidious poisons in a relationship, and as we have mentioned it in the past, we wanted to dedicate an entire episode to it.

Emotional Blackmail can take many forms, and everyone is vulnerable to it — whether you are the child of a passive aggressive parent, or the dom in your D/s relationship. The good news is that there are warning signs of emotional blackmail that you can look out for, and ways to de-escalate and resolve these situations without them turning into a relationship cold war. 

We do discuss some topics relating to abuse and self-harm in this episode, so please be advised of this content. We also would like to reiterate that if you find yourself in an abusive relationship, please seek the appropriate level of care and assistance to get you safely out of that situation.

After our main topic, we take a listener question that is in response to our STI Prevention and Risk Mitigation episode, pertaining to anxiety after being informed of a partner's STI status. Though the asker understands the low risk associated with his partner's STI, he is still a bit nervous when it comes to having a full-blown sex life with his partner. What should he do?

Finally, we close the show with some feedback in which a listener shares resources that may be helpful to the non-monogamous community, focusing on one of our favorite books, More Than Two.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 016 Communication Styles

This week we lead off with a discussion about a recent study showing that DNA may influence your sex life. Check out the Show Notes for a link to the study.

Our main topic is about communication. What different styles are there and what are the pros and cons of each? Healthy communication in a relationship is what nourishes the love that grows. Developing communication skills and habits can be incredibly difficult, especially if you grew up in an environment that did not foster such growth. We discuss all of this, as well as how to identify and avoid the pitfalls of communication styles and how to work with your partner to ensure that there are fewer misunderstandings in your relationship. 

We also have a listener question about what to do if you are involuntarily celibate. This can have a long-lasting impact on the health and well being of an individual and, for some, it is a real struggle. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 003 Non-Monogamous Furry Relationships 101

While this might seem like a review of previous episodes, this is a presentation of Viro the Science Collie's workshop at ANE2016 (and future cons) for those who are unable to attend. You can find the actual presentation under the "Presentations" page of our website.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 001 Relationship Structures

On this episode we discuss relationship terminology: what are the different types of relationship structures found commonly in the fandom? Also, how do you handle jealousy in a relationship?

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.