integrity

FA 070 Drugs and Alcohol

We open this week's show with a discussion on radical honesty. We look at a Buzzfeed video where couples experiment with being totally honest with one another and, after cutting through the crap of the video, talk about ways you can implement some of the ideas they have in your own life and relationships.

Our main topic is on drugs and alcohol. Within the fandom there is a heavy focus on individuals being inebriated or high, and many such activities are praised or sought after as being inclusive in the fandom as a whole. We talk about why this is not optimal for your life or for relationships, how drugs and alcohol have impacted our life (positively and negatively), and offer some advice to new members of the fandom. 

It's important to note that if you struggle with substance abuse, please seek help as soon as possible.

We close out this week's show with a question whether it is a good idea to re-establish a friendship with a former partner who might still be carrying a torch for you. Should you proceed with caution, or snuff out that flame?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 067 Sexuality and Gender Expression Ft. Debra Soh

We open this week with a discussion on disclosure when dating. A recent study shows that sexual stimuli inspire people to be more vulnerable and forthcoming on themselves and their desires and interests in a partner when it comes to dating and long-term relationships. We discuss this phenomenon and go through why sex may not be as bad on a first date.

Our main topic is a discussion on Sexuality and Gender Expression with Debra Soh! Debra is a sex researcher and neuroscientist who writes a weekly column for Playboy and has been published in several other outlets, from Scientific American to the LA Times to the Globe and Mail. You can read a separate interview that Debra had in Quillette earlier this year if you are more interested in her background and areas of focus.

As a sexologist, Debra focuses on why people have the sexual interests they have and if there is cause, neurologically, for there to be a predisposition (or even if these paraphilias are hard-wired into the brain). She discusses recent research and findings in these areas, as well as whether this applied to gender identity. We also discuss some of the more taboo paraphilias, including "cub" attraction within the fandom. 

Debra invites all listeners that have questions for her, or if you want to keep up with her recent publications, to visit her Twitter page, @debra_soh. We would like to thank Debra for coming on and sharing her expertise in this. 

We close out the show a question from a listener who is in a long distance relationship with someone who is entirely incompatible in physical appearance, fetishes, and sexual roles. Do two tops make a bottom, or should the listener break up? Debra helps us out on this involved question.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 066 Shame 3: Direct to VHS

We open this week's episode with a discussion on monogamy and polyamory. We look at an article recently published on CNN's website that discusses polyamory in a mostly positive light. We go over the highlights, the minor issues, and why articles like this are important in the long run.

Our main topic this week is the conclusion of our series on shame. We talk about the common missteps and conflicts that can prohibit you from finding true independence from a shameful existence, like fear of abandonment or betrayal. We then get to the light at the end of the tunnel and go over the steps and actions you must take in order to live a life of genuine self-validation, and how to communicate with your current partners about the path that you feel you must take.

We close out the show with a question on long distance relationships and cheating. Our questioner's boyfriend claims that his multiple-personality-disorder is causing him to have an affair, and the questioner wants to know if this passes our smell test.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 065 Shame 2: Electric Boogaloo

On this week's episode Metriko is alone as Viro was stuck on an airplane that wouldn't leave thanks to a few tornadoes. Viro made it to Furry Weekend Atlanta and will be back for next week's episode. With that in mind, this episode is slightly more personal and an intimate discussion with Metriko, so please enjoy!

We open this week with a discussion on sex in America. Studies are showing that we are having less sex now than we were in 1989: could this be due to stress and working more in this shitty economy? Is Netflix and chill a lie and used solely for marketing (seriously though it's only $9.99). We look at why social media might be impacting your sex life.

Our main topic is on shame. Last week we discussed what happens when you grow up with shame and choose to keep that subject secret and hidden from others. This week we discuss what happens when you reveal that shame and live life "openly". Metriko talks about his life when he was outed and how that was not the end of his quest for validation, and what it took for him to realize that he was living a lie. We go on a journey together to discover what it's really for.

We close out the show with some feedback from Snares (one of our friends and Patrons)! He wants to know how our response from the Playboy article was, and if it contrasts at all with the feedback he got when he was interviewed for an article himself! Check out the show notes for a link to his interview. Metriko speaks for the show and reminds everyone that if you would like to have us appear in your publication to get into contact with us.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 064 Shame

On this week's show we open with a discussion on our recent article in Playboy. We go over some of the feedback we've received, explain some of our thoughts on the complaints, and explain why we agreed to give an interview in the first place in as least of a flippant fashion as possible. We also go over some feedback from last week's episode and add in a comic that was published by Oh Joy Sex Toy! which discusses Pup Play in comic format. We totally forgot to mention that-- our bad!

Our main topic is on shame. We talk about what shame actually is, how it forms in you as an individual, and what it can do to your life if left unchecked. The first in a three part episode series, this is a personal episode about us as hosts and you as a listener. Let's journey together as we work collectively to undo our faults. 

We close out the show with a question on sexual intimacy. How can someone have a dick too sensitive to touch but not sensitive enough from penetrative sex to cum? Is there something wrong with him, or is he doomed to never pleasing a sexual partner ever.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 056 Rebuilding Trust (After Betrayal)

We open this week's show with a discussion on poppers and eyesight damage. No, we're not talking about jalapeño poppers, but the kind of poppers you huff (if you huff jalapeño poppers please let us know). Known as VCR Cleaner, Tape Cleaner, or Leather Cleaner, this is a commonly encountered additive to sex that many people enjoy, and it is not well researched in terms of consequences to your long-term health. We look at one investigation that links damage to your vision to the usage of poppers and add another reason to consider carefully your choice to include them in your play.

Our main topic is on rebuilding trust in a relationship after a betrayal, cheating, or a rule violation. Relationships are never perfect and mistakes happen, but how to move beyond that mistake is not often discussed and it is consistently one of our more commonly asked questions. We look into this area of relationship healing and offer advice to both the offender and the hurt, as well as provide looks into our lives when we have been put on either side of this situation.

We close out this week's show with a discussion on love. What is love? Am I in love? What's love got to do with it? These are questions that singers and sages have asked for years but have yet to provide an answer. We hope to help one of our listeners figure out whether or not they are in love with their best friend and, if so, should they pop the question. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 054 All Questions Show Vol. 3

On this week’s show we open with a discussion about a recent study on whether or not testing for herpes should be included in the standard STD panel. We look into research and advisements that show that testing for herpes on a regular basis may not be as effective, despite the best of intentions.

Our topic today is our third all questions show! We take a trip through our backlog of questions, ranging from fitness to long distance relationships to dating friends. Several of these questions are longer and, as always, we invite you to offer your feedback on the questions and offer advice of your own, especially if you think we missed something or got it wrong.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 052 Commitment vs. Autonomy

We open this week's show with a discussion on how self-control is just you empathizing with your future self. We look at an article that discusses your brain (with words that Metriko barely can pronounce) and how empathy and self-control are merely two sides of the same coin. It's an interesting lead in because-

Our main topic is commitment vs. autonomy in a relationship. As a relationship develops and becomes long-term, partners often struggle with balancing how to maintain their independence without sacrificing intimacy in the relationship. We discuss the definitions, pitfalls, and tribulations that are often encountered in such encounters, and ways that you can work to help stabilize your relationship. It's a real romp of a topic and one to get 2017 off with a running start!

Our closing question is from a bisexual guy who has issues emotionally connecting with ladies and problems performing anal sex with men. Is he doomed to be a straight player or is this just latent homophobia? We unpack this question and offer some less accusatory answers to his questions.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 042 Empathy

We open this week's show with a discussion on ways to make your polyamorous relationship more sustainable. When couples make the switch from a monogamous to a polyamorous relationship, many face feelings of fear, jealousy, and anger. We discuss an article written by one such individual and the ways that he and his partners worked through those feelings to find relationship stability and bliss.

Our main topic is on empathy. Much like our previous episode on Envy versus Jealousy, many people often use sympathy and empathy interchangeably. We discuss the differences between the two before diving into why empathy matters in your life and your relationship. Empathy forms one of the core foundations upon which a relationship stands-- too much and you find yourself burning out, too little and your partner might seek elsewhere to find emotional support. We look into how you can use empathy in a way to resolve conflicts in a non-violent fashion, and how empathy can reinforce your emotional boundaries and integrity. We also discuss the levels of empathy that we experience and ways that we have had to either raise or lower that level to keep our relationship going. 

We close this week with a question about the appropriate speed one should explore their sexual interests, especially if they are experiencing their "gay teens" later on in life. We talk safety, responsibility, and how to keep Grindr from becoming more important than your friends. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 035.5 Flexibility, Love, and Trust

This is a bonus episode where we will start by playing a song written by Rebecca Sugar from the Cartoon Network show, Steven Universe. We will discuss the meaning and importance behind the lyrics, and how they can be used as a mantra to help you find inner peace and strength when you are lost or consumed by emotion. 

We will be discussing this song in a way that will not spoil the plot of the show or reveal character motivations; we will only be discussing the meaning behind the lyrics. Stay tuned after the show for a discussion that goes into detail about the characters and their motivations; we will provide a spoiler warning for those who have not seen the show yet so they can choose to stop listening. We highly recommend watching Steven Universe from the beginning so that the song and the story behind it will have a fuller effect.

 

FA 035 Being Your Own Filter

We open this week's show with a discussion on how your activity on Facebook (and potentially other Social Media) might be a reflection of your true self and what might be happening when your online persona differs drastically from your meatspace reality. 

Our main topic is on being your own filter. The idea of content warnings and trigger warnings have been a discussion now for several years. Unfortunately, there seems to be a disconnect where individuals are equating offense to a trigger, which can limit the ability to communicate honestly and openly. We talk about the important of discussion and how to approach individuals you find offensive, or how to handle topics you take offense to. 

Our question is on transphobia- our questioner is a cisgendered gay man who is being called transphobic for not wanting a relationship with a transwoman. 

We also have some feedback on other ways you might be able to send yourself sex toys without your parents at home opening them by accident. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 034 Financial Responsibility

We open this week's show with a discussion on whether or not money makes a relationship happier and longer lasting. We go through a Chinese study to find a possible answer to whether or not money can buy love and happiness. 

Our main topic is on financial responsibility. Your hosts, with guest RhythmFox, discuss different issues that you might encounter in your life, from difficulty setting a budget, attending a convention in a fiscally responsible way, or learning the difference between a national bank and a credit union. We talk about our lives and how we've made mistakes in the hopes that you can avoid doing the same yourself.

We close with a question on how to handle being in a relationship where you're supporting a mate who does not seem motivated to find work of their own.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 030 Finding a Mate

On tonight's show we open with a discussion about what happens when a sex-positive comic goes, perhaps, a bit sex-negative. We discuss anecdotal reactions to fursuiting sex, Metriko mispronounced Dr. Nuka's IRL name (sorry about that), and we discuss how furries and non-furs view pornographic material within the fandom. Watch that space.

Our main topic is on how to find a mate. Last week we discussed how to be Single and Happy. This week, we address the idea that not everyone wants to be single. We go over what you should do for yourself, various resources that exist for dating within the fandom, and how to keep your head up in the face of rejection.

We close out with a question on whether you should look up a date's social media on the internet before meeting them before the first time. Could this be our first disagreement?

Please note that this episode does have slightly different audio quality due to a cross-country move and setting up new studios. We are working on improvements and ensuring that Metriko's whistling s's don't kill your eardrums in the future, and we appreciate your patience and hope you enjoy the episode nonetheless!

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 028 Resilience

On tonight's show we open with a discussion on how women who are cheated on might win in the long run. While some might say the true victory is not being hitched with a cheating asshole, is it possible that the long-term effects of being cheated on might outweigh the short-term pain?

Our main topic is on resilience. Resilience is the quality to recover quickly from periods of difficulty and strain in your life, and it is a tool that many people lack as it is not innate but learned. Unfortunately, too many people equate resilience with being overly stoic, where you adopt a poker face and never have moments of vulnerability or weakness. In much the same way that bravery is standing in moments of fear, resilience is standing in moments of weakness. We discuss how to become more resilient, the benefits of resiliency, and why all of this is important for your relationships. 

We move on to a listener question on the friend zone. How can you stop being the best friend and become the boyfriend? (Spoiler: the friend zone is a myth). We discuss ways that you can exert your emotional bandwidth and employ direct, sensible communication. We also trash pick up artists a bit and make fun of negging.  

We close out the show with some feedback on whether or not the show should have opposing viewpoints and whether or not we, as hosts, exist in an echo chamber that is howling into the faceless void.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 018 Gaslighting

On this week's podcast we open with a discussion on Twitter lists that propagate libelous information. How should you handle a situation when someone is falsely accusing you of doing something potentially illegal?

Our main topic is gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone maliciously attempts to convince you that your perception of an event is false in order to manipulate you. This can take the form of calling you crazy, saying that you are wrong about something, or making you doubt your own memories. Oftentimes, this method is employed by people close to you, such as a partner, a parent, a teacher, or a boss.

If you are susceptible to these types of suggestions it can be incredibly damaging to your psyche. We discuss how to identify gaslighting and distinguish it from a genuine misunderstanding, then describe ways to defend yourself against gaslighting, including what to do when you realize that you are being gaslit. 

We also answer a listener question about how to tell a partner that you are in love with them, and how to challenge the gender norms that the man in a relationship has to be the first one to offer such a confession. What can a lesbian do?

We end with some feedback concerning our show and the bias that we, as hosts, have as (mostly) gay men. Are we intentionally excluding other genders or relationship styles when we offer advice?

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 017 Emotional Blackmail

We begin this week's podcast with a discussion on "ghosting" furry conventions: What exactly is ghosting, what are the ethics of con attendance, and who is ghosting really hurting (spoiler: everyone).

For our main topic this week, we kick off our Mental Health Month by talking about emotional blackmail. We here at Feral Attraction believe that emotional blackmail can be one of the most insidious poisons in a relationship, and as we have mentioned it in the past, we wanted to dedicate an entire episode to it.

Emotional Blackmail can take many forms, and everyone is vulnerable to it — whether you are the child of a passive aggressive parent, or the dom in your D/s relationship. The good news is that there are warning signs of emotional blackmail that you can look out for, and ways to de-escalate and resolve these situations without them turning into a relationship cold war. 

We do discuss some topics relating to abuse and self-harm in this episode, so please be advised of this content. We also would like to reiterate that if you find yourself in an abusive relationship, please seek the appropriate level of care and assistance to get you safely out of that situation.

After our main topic, we take a listener question that is in response to our STI Prevention and Risk Mitigation episode, pertaining to anxiety after being informed of a partner's STI status. Though the asker understands the low risk associated with his partner's STI, he is still a bit nervous when it comes to having a full-blown sex life with his partner. What should he do?

Finally, we close the show with some feedback in which a listener shares resources that may be helpful to the non-monogamous community, focusing on one of our favorite books, More Than Two.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 013 AD Twitter Etiquette

This week we talk about After Dark Twitter, the whys, the hows, and the what not to dos. 

AD Twitter can be a great place for you to engage yourself -- and others -- in kinks, fetishes, and roleplay and can expand your sexual wheelhouse. That being said, there is a social contract involved when you engage in this type of activity, both as a "producer" and a "consumer". 

We discuss how to interact with people in a way that portrays you in a good light and allows you to embrace the fun, sexy side of the fandom. We also talk about the risks and ways to mitigate your naked body becoming a public attraction.

We also have a listener question about how to move on after the end of a possibly unhealthy relationship. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 008 Owning Your Sh*t

Tonight we talk about you again. If episode seven is about loving yourself, this episode is about accepting the darker, less fun parts of yourself and how to ensure you are not self-sabotaging your relationship. It's about accepting yourself-- faults and all-- and moving forward in life. It's a tricky subject, but we'll get through it together!

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 005 Integrity

This week we talk about Integrity. While much of what we say is, again, common sense, it is important to discuss the ethics of the furry community and how we, as a fandom, can be better to each other. Also, we answer the question of what it is like to live in a Pack House. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.