emotional abuse

FA 066 Shame 3: Direct to VHS

We open this week's episode with a discussion on monogamy and polyamory. We look at an article recently published on CNN's website that discusses polyamory in a mostly positive light. We go over the highlights, the minor issues, and why articles like this are important in the long run.

Our main topic this week is the conclusion of our series on shame. We talk about the common missteps and conflicts that can prohibit you from finding true independence from a shameful existence, like fear of abandonment or betrayal. We then get to the light at the end of the tunnel and go over the steps and actions you must take in order to live a life of genuine self-validation, and how to communicate with your current partners about the path that you feel you must take.

We close out the show with a question on long distance relationships and cheating. Our questioner's boyfriend claims that his multiple-personality-disorder is causing him to have an affair, and the questioner wants to know if this passes our smell test.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 065 Shame 2: Electric Boogaloo

On this week's episode Metriko is alone as Viro was stuck on an airplane that wouldn't leave thanks to a few tornadoes. Viro made it to Furry Weekend Atlanta and will be back for next week's episode. With that in mind, this episode is slightly more personal and an intimate discussion with Metriko, so please enjoy!

We open this week with a discussion on sex in America. Studies are showing that we are having less sex now than we were in 1989: could this be due to stress and working more in this shitty economy? Is Netflix and chill a lie and used solely for marketing (seriously though it's only $9.99). We look at why social media might be impacting your sex life.

Our main topic is on shame. Last week we discussed what happens when you grow up with shame and choose to keep that subject secret and hidden from others. This week we discuss what happens when you reveal that shame and live life "openly". Metriko talks about his life when he was outed and how that was not the end of his quest for validation, and what it took for him to realize that he was living a lie. We go on a journey together to discover what it's really for.

We close out the show with some feedback from Snares (one of our friends and Patrons)! He wants to know how our response from the Playboy article was, and if it contrasts at all with the feedback he got when he was interviewed for an article himself! Check out the show notes for a link to his interview. Metriko speaks for the show and reminds everyone that if you would like to have us appear in your publication to get into contact with us.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 064 Shame

On this week's show we open with a discussion on our recent article in Playboy. We go over some of the feedback we've received, explain some of our thoughts on the complaints, and explain why we agreed to give an interview in the first place in as least of a flippant fashion as possible. We also go over some feedback from last week's episode and add in a comic that was published by Oh Joy Sex Toy! which discusses Pup Play in comic format. We totally forgot to mention that-- our bad!

Our main topic is on shame. We talk about what shame actually is, how it forms in you as an individual, and what it can do to your life if left unchecked. The first in a three part episode series, this is a personal episode about us as hosts and you as a listener. Let's journey together as we work collectively to undo our faults. 

We close out the show with a question on sexual intimacy. How can someone have a dick too sensitive to touch but not sensitive enough from penetrative sex to cum? Is there something wrong with him, or is he doomed to never pleasing a sexual partner ever.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 057 Sex and Romance After Assault

Before we get into the content of this show, we want to advise you that this episode contains discussions on abuse (emotional, physical, and sexual). If you are sensitive to such discussions we caution you against listening to this episode. Please consider listening to a show from our library, or hugging someone, or waiting until next week to listen to our next episode. Thank you for your consideration! 

We open this week's show with a discussion on mouth wash and gonorrhea. While gingivitis and bad breath are the standard enemies of Listerine, is it possible that your daily hygiene regimen can mitigate against the spread of an STI?

Our main topic is on sex and romance after assault. As individuals who have gone through various forms of abuse, we open up about our experiences, our healing process, and ways that we were able to grow and learn to love ourselves (and others) after the fact. This is a rough subject, and a heavy episode-- however it is an important episode and we encourage you to listen. 

We close out this week with a question on suicidal mates and the burden of support. How can you support a suicidal partner, and what should you do if you no longer feel you can offer that support.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 056 Rebuilding Trust (After Betrayal)

We open this week's show with a discussion on poppers and eyesight damage. No, we're not talking about jalapeño poppers, but the kind of poppers you huff (if you huff jalapeño poppers please let us know). Known as VCR Cleaner, Tape Cleaner, or Leather Cleaner, this is a commonly encountered additive to sex that many people enjoy, and it is not well researched in terms of consequences to your long-term health. We look at one investigation that links damage to your vision to the usage of poppers and add another reason to consider carefully your choice to include them in your play.

Our main topic is on rebuilding trust in a relationship after a betrayal, cheating, or a rule violation. Relationships are never perfect and mistakes happen, but how to move beyond that mistake is not often discussed and it is consistently one of our more commonly asked questions. We look into this area of relationship healing and offer advice to both the offender and the hurt, as well as provide looks into our lives when we have been put on either side of this situation.

We close out this week's show with a discussion on love. What is love? Am I in love? What's love got to do with it? These are questions that singers and sages have asked for years but have yet to provide an answer. We hope to help one of our listeners figure out whether or not they are in love with their best friend and, if so, should they pop the question. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 019 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

On this week's podcast we open with a discussion on why you might be experiencing poor sleep when you are in a new environment. Is it just anxiety, excitement, or could it be a more primal, feral sensation that your brain is having?

Our main topic is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Cognitive Distortions. We discuss what the most common cognitive distortions are and how they can affect the way that you perceive the world, as well as interfere with your relationships. We then discuss ways that you can manage these distortions and find a path to a happier, healthier you. 

Cognitive Distortions are a serious issue, especially when you put them in play into a relationship. They allow for negative, self-sabotaging behavior to rear its ugly head and the collateral damage can be incredibly great. While we discuss common methods for coping and resolving these issues, we do want to stress that we are not licensed mental health experts; this podcast does not represent any form of consultation or diagnosis. If you have further questions or want to come up with an action plan for correcting behaviors we discuss in this show, seek help from a licensed professional that specializes in this area.

We close out the episode with a question about how to tell your long-term monogamous partner that you want to give polyamory a try. We talk about communication a lot in our answer.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 018 Gaslighting

On this week's podcast we open with a discussion on Twitter lists that propagate libelous information. How should you handle a situation when someone is falsely accusing you of doing something potentially illegal?

Our main topic is gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone maliciously attempts to convince you that your perception of an event is false in order to manipulate you. This can take the form of calling you crazy, saying that you are wrong about something, or making you doubt your own memories. Oftentimes, this method is employed by people close to you, such as a partner, a parent, a teacher, or a boss.

If you are susceptible to these types of suggestions it can be incredibly damaging to your psyche. We discuss how to identify gaslighting and distinguish it from a genuine misunderstanding, then describe ways to defend yourself against gaslighting, including what to do when you realize that you are being gaslit. 

We also answer a listener question about how to tell a partner that you are in love with them, and how to challenge the gender norms that the man in a relationship has to be the first one to offer such a confession. What can a lesbian do?

We end with some feedback concerning our show and the bias that we, as hosts, have as (mostly) gay men. Are we intentionally excluding other genders or relationship styles when we offer advice?

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.