communication

FA 096 Cuckolding and Hotwifeing

We open this week's show with a discussion of social media and health. During the end of the year it can be a time of social anxiety and depression, especially for those of us encountering the cold, dark, winter months. We talk about a recent study that shows how social media can be used as a means of finding support but cautions about what can happen when that support becomes your sole means of communication.

Our main topic this week is on Cuckholding and Hotwifeing. While you might refer to Hotwifeing as Hothusbanding or Hotspousing, we tend to use Hotwifeing but mean it in a neutral fashion. We talk about the differences between Cuckholding and Hotwifeing, how to safely and sanely get involved in either, and what the ultimate risks for this kink are. We also touch on the fun part of "why do people enjoy humiliation". This is a fun discussion about an often ridiculed and misunderstood portion of the kink community with serious undertones of the dangerous elements involved when you introduce a bull into the china shop that is your relationship.

We close out the show with a question on selfishness: our questioner is worried and feels guilty whenever they act in selfishness in their relationship. Should they be more selfless, or is there a way to practice ethical selfishness without turning into Ayn Rand?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 091 Communication / NVC ability Mismatches

We open this week's show with a discussion of a recent article in the New York Times concerning the rise of anxiety amongst American youth. We look at recent studies done that try to explain the sources of anxiety that we face in the modern day, as well as ways we can work to counteract it in our everyday lives.

Our main topic is on Communication Mismatches. After a discussion in our Telegram group concerning relationships where communication styles are not complementary (especially in regard to Nonviolent Communication), we wanted to go over this in more detail. What are the more common types of communication styles, how can they be improved on, and what do you do in a relationship where the communication styles are so different the relationship turns combative more often than not.

We close out the show with a question on breaking up. A younger questioner is blocked from talking to his boyfriend by potentially homophobic parents. Should he break up or not? 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 067 Sexuality and Gender Expression Ft. Debra Soh

We open this week with a discussion on disclosure when dating. A recent study shows that sexual stimuli inspire people to be more vulnerable and forthcoming on themselves and their desires and interests in a partner when it comes to dating and long-term relationships. We discuss this phenomenon and go through why sex may not be as bad on a first date.

Our main topic is a discussion on Sexuality and Gender Expression with Debra Soh! Debra is a sex researcher and neuroscientist who writes a weekly column for Playboy and has been published in several other outlets, from Scientific American to the LA Times to the Globe and Mail. You can read a separate interview that Debra had in Quillette earlier this year if you are more interested in her background and areas of focus.

As a sexologist, Debra focuses on why people have the sexual interests they have and if there is cause, neurologically, for there to be a predisposition (or even if these paraphilias are hard-wired into the brain). She discusses recent research and findings in these areas, as well as whether this applied to gender identity. We also discuss some of the more taboo paraphilias, including "cub" attraction within the fandom. 

Debra invites all listeners that have questions for her, or if you want to keep up with her recent publications, to visit her Twitter page, @debra_soh. We would like to thank Debra for coming on and sharing her expertise in this. 

We close out the show a question from a listener who is in a long distance relationship with someone who is entirely incompatible in physical appearance, fetishes, and sexual roles. Do two tops make a bottom, or should the listener break up? Debra helps us out on this involved question.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 058 Commissioning Art

We open this week's show with a discussion on workplace discrimination and sexuality-based pay gaps. In the past research was done on a binary approach (heterosexuals versus non-heterosexuals). Now that more data is in, we can dive in and see which group in the LGB community (still not enough information for Trans*/NB individuals quite yet) make the most-- and least-- money. If this were other websites, we would inform you that number five will surprise you.

Our main topic is on Commissioning Art. With this being the day after Valentine's Day, we wanted to tackle a lighter, more fandom related topic, and one of the more common questions we receive is what is the best etiquette to practice when commissioning art of your character (and perhaps of other people's characters). We go through a quick checklist of things to look out for, points about copyright law, and steps that commissioners and artists alike can take to ensure the goodwill continues to be fostered in the fandom.

We close with a question on how to make friends if you are older than most other furries and also might have physical impairments you might be self-conscious about.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 057 Sex and Romance After Assault

Before we get into the content of this show, we want to advise you that this episode contains discussions on abuse (emotional, physical, and sexual). If you are sensitive to such discussions we caution you against listening to this episode. Please consider listening to a show from our library, or hugging someone, or waiting until next week to listen to our next episode. Thank you for your consideration! 

We open this week's show with a discussion on mouth wash and gonorrhea. While gingivitis and bad breath are the standard enemies of Listerine, is it possible that your daily hygiene regimen can mitigate against the spread of an STI?

Our main topic is on sex and romance after assault. As individuals who have gone through various forms of abuse, we open up about our experiences, our healing process, and ways that we were able to grow and learn to love ourselves (and others) after the fact. This is a rough subject, and a heavy episode-- however it is an important episode and we encourage you to listen. 

We close out this week with a question on suicidal mates and the burden of support. How can you support a suicidal partner, and what should you do if you no longer feel you can offer that support.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 056 Rebuilding Trust (After Betrayal)

We open this week's show with a discussion on poppers and eyesight damage. No, we're not talking about jalapeño poppers, but the kind of poppers you huff (if you huff jalapeño poppers please let us know). Known as VCR Cleaner, Tape Cleaner, or Leather Cleaner, this is a commonly encountered additive to sex that many people enjoy, and it is not well researched in terms of consequences to your long-term health. We look at one investigation that links damage to your vision to the usage of poppers and add another reason to consider carefully your choice to include them in your play.

Our main topic is on rebuilding trust in a relationship after a betrayal, cheating, or a rule violation. Relationships are never perfect and mistakes happen, but how to move beyond that mistake is not often discussed and it is consistently one of our more commonly asked questions. We look into this area of relationship healing and offer advice to both the offender and the hurt, as well as provide looks into our lives when we have been put on either side of this situation.

We close out this week's show with a discussion on love. What is love? Am I in love? What's love got to do with it? These are questions that singers and sages have asked for years but have yet to provide an answer. We hope to help one of our listeners figure out whether or not they are in love with their best friend and, if so, should they pop the question. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 054 All Questions Show Vol. 3

On this week’s show we open with a discussion about a recent study on whether or not testing for herpes should be included in the standard STD panel. We look into research and advisements that show that testing for herpes on a regular basis may not be as effective, despite the best of intentions.

Our topic today is our third all questions show! We take a trip through our backlog of questions, ranging from fitness to long distance relationships to dating friends. Several of these questions are longer and, as always, we invite you to offer your feedback on the questions and offer advice of your own, especially if you think we missed something or got it wrong.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 052 Commitment vs. Autonomy

We open this week's show with a discussion on how self-control is just you empathizing with your future self. We look at an article that discusses your brain (with words that Metriko barely can pronounce) and how empathy and self-control are merely two sides of the same coin. It's an interesting lead in because-

Our main topic is commitment vs. autonomy in a relationship. As a relationship develops and becomes long-term, partners often struggle with balancing how to maintain their independence without sacrificing intimacy in the relationship. We discuss the definitions, pitfalls, and tribulations that are often encountered in such encounters, and ways that you can work to help stabilize your relationship. It's a real romp of a topic and one to get 2017 off with a running start!

Our closing question is from a bisexual guy who has issues emotionally connecting with ladies and problems performing anal sex with men. Is he doomed to be a straight player or is this just latent homophobia? We unpack this question and offer some less accusatory answers to his questions.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 049 Sex Drive Mismatches

We open this week's show with a discussion on how Sex Addiction should not be considered a mental disorder. We look at Debra Soh's article in Playboy Magazine on how the science and support of individuals who have hypersexual libidos has shifted and should continue to shift in the future. 

Our main topic is on Sex Drive Mismatches. We've spoken about this in previous Advice Articles, however we wanted to devote a show to this topic as we frequently receive questions concerning this area. We redux our previous article and talk about what to do if you have a lower sex drive (like Metriko), a higher sex drive (like Viro), and ways you can reconcile the two and move forward in your relationship in an ethical, open and honest way. 

We close out this week with a question from someone who is attracted to twinks, but no matter how hard he tries he just can't seem to get twinks to like him back. We talk about monoliths, hivemind, and rounding up to one.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 046 Monogamy

We open this week with a discussion on how to have the best headspace for making important decisions in your life. All too often we make choices in our life when we're in an emotional state (breaking up when you're having an argument, agreeing to plans when you're in a good mood, etc...) that end up backfiring on us. We discuss some research on how to make the best, rational decisions for yourself and your life. Remember-- never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach!

Our main topic is on monogamy. While Feral Attraction exists primarily as a podcast to detain non-traditional and non-monogamous relationships and lifestyles, monogamy is still the relationship style of choice for much of the public. While the furry fandom might be uniquely enriched with individuals exploring alternatives to monogamy, we did want to dedicate an episode to monogamy as it does carry its own unique challenges and difficulties to prosper.

We discuss the benefits of monogamy and why many people choose (or never deviate from the cultural norm) to be monogamous. We also discuss some of the challenges and pitfalls that people who are monogamous might experience, both in their relationships in general and in the fandom at large. 

We also have two questions this week, one on whether or not it's a good idea to invite a third into the bedroom, and another on what to do if you find yourself falling for your Master/Dom/Domme in a D/s relationship. Buckle in-- it's a long ride this week with Metriko and Viro! 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 023 BDSM Roles Demystified

We open tonight's show with a discussion of a hotel owner who spied on his tenants for over thirty years. He recorded information concerning their sexual activity, sent this to someone who wrote for the New Yorker as "research data," and slowly grew more and more cynical toward those he was spying on. Was he a sex researcher or was he an unethical voyeur? (Spoiler, he was an unethical voyeur)

Our main topic is on common roles that individuals take on while participating in BDSM. Last week we discussed negotiating a BDSM / power exchange relationship contract. Tonight we talk about the different roles that you might find yourself in, whether that is as a Dominant or a submissive. While this is not an exhaustive list and you might find yourself wearing multiple hats (or, perhaps in the case of BDSM, multiple hoods), this gives a good idea of what might interest you if you are looking to get into BDSM or a power exchange dynamic.

We close out with a question on how to bring up the topic of the furry fandom to a new partner who is not furry. What are some ways you can gauge their interest or views on the fandom without perhaps giving away the fact that you are a member? 

There is also some feedback on the usage of labels on the show. Is there a need to apply labels to everything, or is that just shoving people into a box that has preconceived notions and, perhaps, negative connotations? 

It's a show full of labels and laughs as we demystify the common roles in BDSM!

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 019 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

On this week's podcast we open with a discussion on why you might be experiencing poor sleep when you are in a new environment. Is it just anxiety, excitement, or could it be a more primal, feral sensation that your brain is having?

Our main topic is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Cognitive Distortions. We discuss what the most common cognitive distortions are and how they can affect the way that you perceive the world, as well as interfere with your relationships. We then discuss ways that you can manage these distortions and find a path to a happier, healthier you. 

Cognitive Distortions are a serious issue, especially when you put them in play into a relationship. They allow for negative, self-sabotaging behavior to rear its ugly head and the collateral damage can be incredibly great. While we discuss common methods for coping and resolving these issues, we do want to stress that we are not licensed mental health experts; this podcast does not represent any form of consultation or diagnosis. If you have further questions or want to come up with an action plan for correcting behaviors we discuss in this show, seek help from a licensed professional that specializes in this area.

We close out the episode with a question about how to tell your long-term monogamous partner that you want to give polyamory a try. We talk about communication a lot in our answer.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 016 Communication Styles

This week we lead off with a discussion about a recent study showing that DNA may influence your sex life. Check out the Show Notes for a link to the study.

Our main topic is about communication. What different styles are there and what are the pros and cons of each? Healthy communication in a relationship is what nourishes the love that grows. Developing communication skills and habits can be incredibly difficult, especially if you grew up in an environment that did not foster such growth. We discuss all of this, as well as how to identify and avoid the pitfalls of communication styles and how to work with your partner to ensure that there are fewer misunderstandings in your relationship. 

We also have a listener question about what to do if you are involuntarily celibate. This can have a long-lasting impact on the health and well being of an individual and, for some, it is a real struggle. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 015 Lovecast Appearance and Trust

This week we lead off with a clip of our Second Opinion segment from Episode 495 of the Savage Lovecast, "Furries and Cheeseheads." Thanks again to Dan Savage and his producer Nancy Hartunian for the gracious invitation as well as granting permission to share the clip in full. 

Our main topic is about trust, which is all too often misunderstood. Trust is the other side of Integrity, and both serve as the foundation on which a relationship either stands firm or crumbles. We discuss what exactly trust is as well as how to develop and maintain trust in yourself and others. We also discuss how to handle breaches of trust and what you can do to recover trust once it has been broken. Spoiler: sometimes that just isn't possible. 

We also take a listener question about how to handle feelings of jealousy in an open relationship that you realized, after the fact, you wished was a closed relationship. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 013 AD Twitter Etiquette

This week we talk about After Dark Twitter, the whys, the hows, and the what not to dos. 

AD Twitter can be a great place for you to engage yourself -- and others -- in kinks, fetishes, and roleplay and can expand your sexual wheelhouse. That being said, there is a social contract involved when you engage in this type of activity, both as a "producer" and a "consumer". 

We discuss how to interact with people in a way that portrays you in a good light and allows you to embrace the fun, sexy side of the fandom. We also talk about the risks and ways to mitigate your naked body becoming a public attraction.

We also have a listener question about how to move on after the end of a possibly unhealthy relationship. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 012 Collie's Follies and Metriko's Mistakes

This week we go into the past and talk about our lives. What mistakes in life and relationships have we made, and how did we move forward from these negative situations? How have we handled some of the lowest moments of our life and what did we learn from this? 

We also take a question about whether or not you should sacrifice your relationship for employment.

Please note that this episode contains some sensitive material and covers some topics that some listeners might view as being disturbing. Please review our show notes for timestamps in order to prevent any emotional or mental issues that you might experience. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 011 Online and Long Distance Relationships

Online Relationships and Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) have become a staple of the fandom due to our massive presence online. Most furries will, at one point or another, enter into some kind of a relationship that is non-local. 

How do you begin such a relationship, or maintain it once it is underway? What is the difference between an Online Relationship and a Long Distance Relationship? How do you set reasonable expectations for the relationship? What is the best way to keep intimacy regular when you might be continents apart? 

We also answer the question of whether you need a primary partner in order to be polyamorous. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 010 The Campsite Rule

Today we discuss the Campsite Rule, a concept that deals with intergenerational relationships (or relationships with drastic experience differences). How can you be in a relationship ethically when you are with a partner who is much younger than you, or much less experienced at relationships / sex / intimacy than you? We also talk about whether or not you should have sex with an ex, especially after you've just broken up.

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 007 Loving Yourself

On this week's episode we tackle the tricky topic (try saying that five times fast!) of how to love yourself. This can be difficult, especially in the fandom where many people struggle with positive self-identity. We talk about why it's important to start here before getting into a relationship, and we also talk about how to ensure you don't take it too far and end up a narcissist. 

Note:  We are aware of the small audio issue around 0:31:00 into the episode, but unfortunately there is nothing we can do there and hopefully it does not detract too much from your enjoyment. 

For more information, including a list of topics by timestamp, see our Show Notes for this episode.