FA 071 All-Questions Show vol. 4

This week we open with a discussion on negative and positive thinking. We go through an article on how negativity can impact your overall health, and ways that medical professionals and researchers advise that you can make your overall health better.

Our main topic is our fourth All-Questions Show! We take a trip through our backlog of questions, ranging from telling a non-fur partner about being furry to how to handle getting possessions back from exes who do not feel they have to return them. Several of these questions are longer and, as always, we invite you to offer your feedback and offer your own take, especially if you think we missed the mark.

We close out the show with some feedback on our Drugs and Alcohol show and how to go about doing drugs in as safe a fashion as possible.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 070 Drugs and Alcohol

We open this week's show with a discussion on radical honesty. We look at a Buzzfeed video where couples experiment with being totally honest with one another and, after cutting through the crap of the video, talk about ways you can implement some of the ideas they have in your own life and relationships.

Our main topic is on drugs and alcohol. Within the fandom there is a heavy focus on individuals being inebriated or high, and many such activities are praised or sought after as being inclusive in the fandom as a whole. We talk about why this is not optimal for your life or for relationships, how drugs and alcohol have impacted our life (positively and negatively), and offer some advice to new members of the fandom. 

It's important to note that if you struggle with substance abuse, please seek help as soon as possible.

We close out this week's show with a question whether it is a good idea to re-establish a friendship with a former partner who might still be carrying a torch for you. Should you proceed with caution, or snuff out that flame?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 069 Oral Sex

We open this week's show with a discussion of good BDSM Aftercare techniques. We look at an Oh Joy Sex Toy comic that goes over different ways you can help prevent SubDrop (and DomDrop), as well as an explanation as to basic BDSM terminology.

Our main topic is on Oral Sex. For episode 69 we invite guest host Koji Fox back onto the show to help us on an adventure of self discovery, dick sucking, labia licking, sexploration. We go over tips, techniques, and ways to improve your oral game. 

We close out this week's show with a question on being emotionally available and ready for an open relationship.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 068 Disclosure

On this weeks episode we open with a discussion on rape culture. A recent article nods to the fear of false rape accusations as being a reason why millennials are having less sex. We discuss, and Metriko steps on his words a bit, at the top of the show. 

Our main topic is on disclosure. We go over the primary reasons and ways to disclose information, whether it's infidelities, diseases, or bad credit. Failure to disclose is, oftentimes, one of the reasons relationships fail. We discuss this, as well as ways we have failed at disclosure, so you can avoid relationship anxieties from this area.

We close out the show with a question from someone in an open relationship. He wants a more poly-style relationship, but his partner is hesitant. What should he do?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 067 Sexuality and Gender Expression Ft. Debra Soh

We open this week with a discussion on disclosure when dating. A recent study shows that sexual stimuli inspire people to be more vulnerable and forthcoming on themselves and their desires and interests in a partner when it comes to dating and long-term relationships. We discuss this phenomenon and go through why sex may not be as bad on a first date.

Our main topic is a discussion on Sexuality and Gender Expression with Debra Soh! Debra is a sex researcher and neuroscientist who writes a weekly column for Playboy and has been published in several other outlets, from Scientific American to the LA Times to the Globe and Mail. You can read a separate interview that Debra had in Quillette earlier this year if you are more interested in her background and areas of focus.

As a sexologist, Debra focuses on why people have the sexual interests they have and if there is cause, neurologically, for there to be a predisposition (or even if these paraphilias are hard-wired into the brain). She discusses recent research and findings in these areas, as well as whether this applied to gender identity. We also discuss some of the more taboo paraphilias, including "cub" attraction within the fandom. 

Debra invites all listeners that have questions for her, or if you want to keep up with her recent publications, to visit her Twitter page, @debra_soh. We would like to thank Debra for coming on and sharing her expertise in this. 

We close out the show a question from a listener who is in a long distance relationship with someone who is entirely incompatible in physical appearance, fetishes, and sexual roles. Do two tops make a bottom, or should the listener break up? Debra helps us out on this involved question.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 066 Shame 3: Direct to VHS

We open this week's episode with a discussion on monogamy and polyamory. We look at an article recently published on CNN's website that discusses polyamory in a mostly positive light. We go over the highlights, the minor issues, and why articles like this are important in the long run.

Our main topic this week is the conclusion of our series on shame. We talk about the common missteps and conflicts that can prohibit you from finding true independence from a shameful existence, like fear of abandonment or betrayal. We then get to the light at the end of the tunnel and go over the steps and actions you must take in order to live a life of genuine self-validation, and how to communicate with your current partners about the path that you feel you must take.

We close out the show with a question on long distance relationships and cheating. Our questioner's boyfriend claims that his multiple-personality-disorder is causing him to have an affair, and the questioner wants to know if this passes our smell test.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 065 Shame 2: Electric Boogaloo

On this week's episode Metriko is alone as Viro was stuck on an airplane that wouldn't leave thanks to a few tornadoes. Viro made it to Furry Weekend Atlanta and will be back for next week's episode. With that in mind, this episode is slightly more personal and an intimate discussion with Metriko, so please enjoy!

We open this week with a discussion on sex in America. Studies are showing that we are having less sex now than we were in 1989: could this be due to stress and working more in this shitty economy? Is Netflix and chill a lie and used solely for marketing (seriously though it's only $9.99). We look at why social media might be impacting your sex life.

Our main topic is on shame. Last week we discussed what happens when you grow up with shame and choose to keep that subject secret and hidden from others. This week we discuss what happens when you reveal that shame and live life "openly". Metriko talks about his life when he was outed and how that was not the end of his quest for validation, and what it took for him to realize that he was living a lie. We go on a journey together to discover what it's really for.

We close out the show with some feedback from Snares (one of our friends and Patrons)! He wants to know how our response from the Playboy article was, and if it contrasts at all with the feedback he got when he was interviewed for an article himself! Check out the show notes for a link to his interview. Metriko speaks for the show and reminds everyone that if you would like to have us appear in your publication to get into contact with us.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 064 Shame

On this week's show we open with a discussion on our recent article in Playboy. We go over some of the feedback we've received, explain some of our thoughts on the complaints, and explain why we agreed to give an interview in the first place in as least of a flippant fashion as possible. We also go over some feedback from last week's episode and add in a comic that was published by Oh Joy Sex Toy! which discusses Pup Play in comic format. We totally forgot to mention that-- our bad!

Our main topic is on shame. We talk about what shame actually is, how it forms in you as an individual, and what it can do to your life if left unchecked. The first in a three part episode series, this is a personal episode about us as hosts and you as a listener. Let's journey together as we work collectively to undo our faults. 

We close out the show with a question on sexual intimacy. How can someone have a dick too sensitive to touch but not sensitive enough from penetrative sex to cum? Is there something wrong with him, or is he doomed to never pleasing a sexual partner ever.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 063 Pups and Handlers

On this week's show we open with a discussion on five different theories as to why we get jealous in non-monogamous relationships. We go over theories from Freud to Labriola and get to the root to what we personally think on Feral Attraction and why jealousy might not be as bad as we make it out to be.

Our main topic is on Pups and Handlers. We bring on friend of the show Pup Powder to talk about his experience with the pup community. He delves into various areas, like who the pup community is right for, what to look for (and look out for), various terms used within the pup community, and addresses why the pup community gets along so well with the furry fandom. He also talks about Rubbout and why it's awesome.

We close out the show with some Feedback on how much Metriko talks in an episode and a question on reconciling polyamory with Christianity (or any religion, really). 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 062 Calming Your Emotions

On this week’s show we open with a discussion on sex-positivity and Orthodox religions. We look at an interview with an Orthodox Jewish couple who lead a double life: religious adherents by day, polyamorous couple by night. We discuss our opinions on their story and ways that it might be dangerous as an example for others.

Our main topic is on Calming Your Emotions. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is the joining of Behavioral Therapy, Mindful Meditation, and Stoicism, three areas we have previously discussed. We go over the four pillars of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and discuss ways that you can employ these skills in your life to enhance your relationships with yourself and other people.

We close out the show with a question on coming out to your family as bisexual. How do you tell your family that you are bisexual, want to move away, and also are a furry? Better yet- should you tell your family? We discuss the positives and negatives of both options.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 061 Accepting Love as a Damaged Individual

We open this week's show with a discussion on how polyamory helps some people love being married. While some people view polyamory and marriage as being mutually exclusive, we look at an article on how polyamory has opened the door to love and longing in a marriage and how to overcome fear and trepidation at saying the things you are most afraid to say. 

Our main topic is on accepting love as a damaged individual. Within the fandom (and especially the LGBTQ+ community) many people face hardships and abuse. Perhaps it is a parent who hates that you are trans*. Perhaps it is a mate who acts in an abusive fashion. Maybe it is a lifetime of feeling rejected, or not belonging. It could be that you have depression or anxiety issues. Regardless, plenty of people feel that they are too broken, or they have too much baggage, to accept love from anyone or anything.

We go over ways to overcome this mindset and to help you as an individual reintegrate within the vast, beautiful kaleidoscope that is love and accepting love. We talk about our own lives, and ways that we overcame (and still work on overcoming) our inner saboteur. It's a heartfelt episode and one of our most requested topics. 

We close out the show with a question on finding love and friendship when you're shy. Yes, we said there were two questions but, as it turns out, the second question is more involved and we wanted to give it its own space and time to truly dive into. Enjoy the minor gaffe (and later explanation) on this: it's a great episode.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 060 Sexual Roleplay

We open this week's show with a discussion on a survey that tries to answer the question of what queer singles are looking for. We look into some data to show just how queer singles find dates, how open they are about their sexuality and preferences, and what their views on long term relationship commitments are.

Our main topic is on roleplay. As one of our most commonly received questions we wanted to dedicate a show to roleplay etiquette. How do you find an online roleplay partner? What if you're looking for a roleplay partner in meatspace? What are some things to look out for? How do you roleplay responsibly? We go over these, as well as the general dos and do-nots of role play to make you a more well rounded play partner.

We close out the show with a question on how to know if you’re losing interest in a mate. In long distance relationships how sustainable is New Relationship Energy, and how can you cultivate intimacy digitally?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 059 Handling Arguments at Conventions

We open this week's show with a discussion on STIs in New York City. Over the past three decades STIs have been on the rise while funding has remained stagnant. We look at factors as to why and ask the ultimate question: why is sexual health not considered to be recession proof?

Our main topic is on handling arguments at conventions. We discuss the common arguments, causes for arguments, and ways to avoid arguing with loved ones at conventions. We also approach the topic of former lovers, jilted exes, and friends who might have issues with you and how to handle confrontation (or even break ups) while at one of the most public of venues we as a fandom encounter.

We close out this week's show with a question on how to handle rejection. In a search for Mister Right, how can you handle being told no repeatedly or being matched with guys that just are not compatible? Should the expectations be adjusted, or is it perhaps too narrow a net is being cast? We discuss realism, optimism, and pessimism and how to appropriately set expectations.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 058 Commissioning Art

We open this week's show with a discussion on workplace discrimination and sexuality-based pay gaps. In the past research was done on a binary approach (heterosexuals versus non-heterosexuals). Now that more data is in, we can dive in and see which group in the LGB community (still not enough information for Trans*/NB individuals quite yet) make the most-- and least-- money. If this were other websites, we would inform you that number five will surprise you.

Our main topic is on Commissioning Art. With this being the day after Valentine's Day, we wanted to tackle a lighter, more fandom related topic, and one of the more common questions we receive is what is the best etiquette to practice when commissioning art of your character (and perhaps of other people's characters). We go through a quick checklist of things to look out for, points about copyright law, and steps that commissioners and artists alike can take to ensure the goodwill continues to be fostered in the fandom.

We close with a question on how to make friends if you are older than most other furries and also might have physical impairments you might be self-conscious about.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 057 Sex and Romance After Assault

Before we get into the content of this show, we want to advise you that this episode contains discussions on abuse (emotional, physical, and sexual). If you are sensitive to such discussions we caution you against listening to this episode. Please consider listening to a show from our library, or hugging someone, or waiting until next week to listen to our next episode. Thank you for your consideration! 

We open this week's show with a discussion on mouth wash and gonorrhea. While gingivitis and bad breath are the standard enemies of Listerine, is it possible that your daily hygiene regimen can mitigate against the spread of an STI?

Our main topic is on sex and romance after assault. As individuals who have gone through various forms of abuse, we open up about our experiences, our healing process, and ways that we were able to grow and learn to love ourselves (and others) after the fact. This is a rough subject, and a heavy episode-- however it is an important episode and we encourage you to listen. 

We close out this week with a question on suicidal mates and the burden of support. How can you support a suicidal partner, and what should you do if you no longer feel you can offer that support.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 056 Rebuilding Trust (After Betrayal)

We open this week's show with a discussion on poppers and eyesight damage. No, we're not talking about jalapeño poppers, but the kind of poppers you huff (if you huff jalapeño poppers please let us know). Known as VCR Cleaner, Tape Cleaner, or Leather Cleaner, this is a commonly encountered additive to sex that many people enjoy, and it is not well researched in terms of consequences to your long-term health. We look at one investigation that links damage to your vision to the usage of poppers and add another reason to consider carefully your choice to include them in your play.

Our main topic is on rebuilding trust in a relationship after a betrayal, cheating, or a rule violation. Relationships are never perfect and mistakes happen, but how to move beyond that mistake is not often discussed and it is consistently one of our more commonly asked questions. We look into this area of relationship healing and offer advice to both the offender and the hurt, as well as provide looks into our lives when we have been put on either side of this situation.

We close out this week's show with a discussion on love. What is love? Am I in love? What's love got to do with it? These are questions that singers and sages have asked for years but have yet to provide an answer. We hope to help one of our listeners figure out whether or not they are in love with their best friend and, if so, should they pop the question. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 055 Self-Care during Jealousy and Breakups

On this week’s show we open with a discussion on whether or not apps like Tinder or Grindr have changed what people consider the “right” number of sexual partners when considering you as a potential mate. We look at an article in Playboy by Debra Soh that delves into the Goldilocks-zone of sexual partners.

Our main topic is on Self-Care during Jealousy, and Breakups. In relationships, whether monogamous or polyamorous, closed or open, we are all bound to experience bouts of jealousy. We discuss tips and tools to employ to help get over your jealousy in a relationship to ensure that you handle yourself in a healthy, non-violent fashion. We also look at the end of a relationship and how to take care of yourself and promote closure and moving forward when you go through a breakup.

We close out the show with a question on how to approach a friend who has fallen in love with you. Should you ask them whether or not they like you or like-like you, or is it best to say nothing in an attempt to maintain the current relationship status quo?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 054 All-Questions Show Vol. 3

On this week’s show we open with a discussion about a recent study on whether or not testing for herpes should be included in the standard STD panel. We look into research and advisements that show that testing for herpes on a regular basis may not be as effective, despite the best of intentions.

Our topic today is our third all questions show! We take a trip through our backlog of questions, ranging from fitness to long distance relationships to dating friends. Several of these questions are longer and, as always, we invite you to offer your feedback on the questions and offer advice of your own, especially if you think we missed something or got it wrong.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 053 Puppy Love

On this week’s show we open with a discussion on how to deal with haters. We go back over the idea of reactions versus responses, emotional retorts versus reason, and the school of stoic philosophy. This also applies to how one can handle rejection, whether it's for a friend, for a 

Our main topic is on crushes. We go over how to handle having a crush, being crushed on, and how to determine whether to move forward into a relationship or let the flame fizzle out. In the furry fandom, and in the world at large, we often get the idea that having a crush must mean that a relationship needs to happen, or oftentimes confusing love for limerence. We discuss how to differentiate between the two, how to let people down easily, and how to be graceful when you are rejected by a crush. 

We close out with a question on BDSM anxiety: a young sub wants to get involved in BDSM but is afraid that they won't find someone closer to their age or someone who will treat them nice. We unpack this question and offer some advice on how to treat your elders in any community. 

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

FA 052 Commitment vs. Autonomy

We open this week's show with a discussion on how self-control is just you empathizing with your future self. We look at an article that discusses your brain (with words that Metriko barely can pronounce) and how empathy and self-control are merely two sides of the same coin. It's an interesting lead in because-

Our main topic is commitment vs. autonomy in a relationship. As a relationship develops and becomes long-term, partners often struggle with balancing how to maintain their independence without sacrificing intimacy in the relationship. We discuss the definitions, pitfalls, and tribulations that are often encountered in such encounters, and ways that you can work to help stabilize your relationship. It's a real romp of a topic and one to get 2017 off with a running start!

Our closing question is from a bisexual guy who has issues emotionally connecting with ladies and problems performing anal sex with men. Is he doomed to be a straight player or is this just latent homophobia? We unpack this question and offer some less accusatory answers to his questions.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.