What do I do if my ex mocks me in public and bears false witness against me?

Question

Recently I broken up with my mate. In the time since we broke up, my ex has taken to telling a mixture of truth and lies about me in a negative manner, both in public and privately over the Internet.

I admit that we both made a lot of mistakes during our relationship, and I fully realize my own ones, but this is not about that. It's like he and his friends are seeking revenge on me, and they open the conflict in public in many ways, including public shaming, mixing facts with lies and improper guesses, sending private messages to chat admins for the same purpose, and stalking what I say in these chats. I didn't do anything morally bad, I didn't break any law, I don't even talk about my past to almost anyone unlike him.

The best way I've found to deal with it at the moment is to resist provocations and silently sit and watch, so as just to not heat the problem up even more. Of course I look for people who support me or who do not know of this situation, and I'm successful at it, but it may not help when my ex is in communication with THE main company in our pretty tight furry community in our whole country, and that company is pretty loud, so rumors are being spread very quickly.

Can you suggest anything in this regard? Are there better ways do deal with this?

Received via Contact Form (name withheld)

Answer

Unfortunately, you are already taking the best advice I can give, which is to — whenever possible — simply ignore the abusive and untrue statements that your ex makes about you. In this situation, it is important to have faith that the quality of your character will shine through your actions; eventually, the false witness your ex is bearing against you will be exposed when your current actions do not line up with his sinister predictions for you.

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In certain circumstances, you might need to defend yourself publicly, simply to prevent extremely damaging statements from circulating unchallenged. It is very important to be cold, detached, and clinical in this situation; if you are emotional in how you challenge the untruths, you will appear weak and defensive. Instead, calmly express yourself as best you can. “My ex has stated X and Y about me. In fact, this is not the case; instead, I have receipts to show that the situation is Z.” And leave it at that. No need to attack anyone. It’s just the facts.

If you react with indifference, your ex will likely get bored of his taunts and will realize that he is making himself look bad without gaining much. At such point, hopefully your ex thinks better of his actions and chooses to stop defaming and harassing you.

Keep in mind also that you can use tools provided by social media platforms to report targeted harassment. Your ex’s accounts getting suspended or banned may prove to be an effective deterrent against further instances of defamation, harassment, and cyberstalking as well.

Hope that helps! If you have any follow up questions or comments, feel free to get in touch with us via the feedback form available on our contact page, at www.feralattraction.com/contact/

Viro the Science Collie

Viro Science Collie is a PhD virologist and medical writer, experienced in teaching, technical communication, and writing for the public. He has been active in the furry community since 2012 and has been happily and ethically non-monogamous for much of that time. His interests include non-traditional relationship structures, technology, biological science, and tennis.