NVC

I am stuck in a relationship with an inexperienced fur who is way too clingy

I am finding myself stuck in a super clingy relationship. Things started off well enough, but when my new boyfriend celebrated our two-week anniversary, I began to worry. At this point, I desperately want out, but this is my boyfriend's first time ever being loved, and I don't want to break his heart. Any idea of how I could go about ending it without doing cheesy stuff like telling him, "It's not you, it's me"? I really don't want to break his heart.

I'm a single virgin. How am I supposed to be around my happy, mated friends on Valentine's Day?

I am a single furry and I'm a virgin, and I can't help but feel sad whenever I think about the fact that I'm not going to have anyone to call my mate or to share a romantic meal with on Valentine's Day yet again this year. How can I cope with my feelings of inferiority and shame so that I'm not absolutely dreadful to be around as my friends are all trying to celebrate the love in their lives?

I feel less important to my primary partner now that she is seeing other guys. Help!

Hello. I am a male in a polyamorous relationship with my mate, who is female. The problem I am having in my relationship is that I have been feeling significantly less important to her than her other partners seem to be. When I bring up my feelings to her, she denies that I am any less important to her and tells me that I am overreacting. I still struggle with these feelings, so I would be grateful to any help or insight that you might be able to provide

Help! I'm worried my mate will forget to tell me what happens when he sleeps with other guys

I've been in an open relationship with my mate for a little over nine months now. It was understood between each other that we could play around with other people as long as we told each other about it before or, if it were a spontaneous moment, right after sex happened. I'm not worried about him purposefully keeping things from me — we're open enough with each other for that not to be a problem — but I do worry sometimes about having things forgotten about or overlooked when talking to me. I don't want to be the crazy boyfriend and go accusing him of sleeping around with me in the dark but how could I approach the subject with him in a rational way? Is my wanting to know what he's up to too "jealous?

What should I keep in mind when moving in with a mate for the first time?

I'm wondering if you have any tips on how to survive with your first live in partner? I am moving in with my mate, and I've never lived with a romantic partner before. I'm pretty good at resolving conflicts with roommates, but it seems like living with a mate would be different.

What are the red flags for a toxic poly relationship?

When should you back out of a poly relationship, no matter how awesome it appears to be right now? What are the key ingredients that, if found missing, make it so that it is better to just move on and save everyone the heartbreak? Are there any red flags?

Are my mate's online RP sessions crossing the line into cheating?

What is the difference between role-play online and an online relationship? My mate and I have fought over this many times. I get upset with him for having lengthy, involved, multi-session online role plays, which to me feel like secondary relationships, but he insists it's just RP, and therefore not cheating. I've asked him if he's told these RP partners he's mated, and he responds that it would be too awkward to tell them, so he usually doesn't. Some of these relationships have been going for months to years. Am I in the wrong for being upset, or is he downplaying these online relationships by calling them "RP"?

Someone who used to be close won't talk to me. What do I do?

So I have been friends with this person for 10 years over the internet. We met on one furry site in a group, and our relationship quickly grew. Soon enough we were mates, then he left the fandom, then he came back and we were mates again, only for me to have to go live in the ghetto. When I came back we were best friends, then he stopped coming around as much. It worried me, and with the onset of my anxiety I had a panic attack and told him I loved him. This was a year and a half ago. Since then he barely even talks to me, and has been spending alot of time with others and short changes me whenever we DO talk, with responses like: Yep. Sure. Uh-huh. And quick to get angry. He is like family to me and I would do anything to get him back, and I know he thinks of me as clingy. What should I do? He is tired of my apologies and any attempt at trying to fix it makes him think I am having a breakdown.

I'm crushing hard on a guy that my husband is currently flirting with, and I'm having trouble handling it

It's very rare that I have a crush on someone. As such, it took me until 30 to realize that, for me at least, the "love makes you dumb" trope is fairly accurate. 

I'm the kind of person that doesn't friend people I don't know on Facebook. I rarely initiate a conversation with strangers. Hell, I rarely even say "hi" on dating apps on the off chance I might end up having to tell someone it turns out I'm not actually interested in them. Yet for some reason I decided it would be alright to friend a guy on Facebook (partly from the Hubby's suggestion) and, before he responds, initiate a conversation on Scruff. I can't remember most of the content, but I recall it being somewhat awkward and not the most positive interaction. I decided to pull back and not force anything. Within a couple weeks I realized the messages and his Scruff profile were gone. I canceled the Facebook request soon thereafter. Initially I thought he was just blocking/avoiding me, which was disappointing though understandable. But months later I found out he had a boyfriend briefly around the same time that may explain the disappearance from dating apps. That brings us to the present. Half a year later and I've mostly put the idea behind me when I noticed that my husband had started chatting with him, the two seemingly getting along fine. Since that point I've been dealing with a jealousy/envy that I'm not accustomed to. I"m happy that my husband's found a guy he likes, but I don't know if I'll be able to handle if their relationship progresses. It might be easier if I knew for sure that he wasn't interested in me, but since there was never any definite closure I'm just left wondering what if and what might be.

My main optimism for a friend/relationship is from the fact we mutually liked each other on OkCupid. Unfortunately my initial message was sent before I found this out. It was shortly after our brief communication that his profile came up and I starred it, since I was apparently still on my dumb kick. Of course I got the "Congratulations!" pop up. I recall perceiving it as a cruel irony. For all I know that may have hurt my position even more by making me seem stalkerish. 

The main issue is the brief conversation we had is gone thanks to (I assume) him deleting his app profiles. Though even if it were there, I know there wasn't any closure. Still, if I had the chats I would be in a better place to know how to proceed now, but since I'm not clear if I just came on too strong/creeper-like or possibly offended him it's hard to say what direction to take. ltimately I just want to know if there's a possibility. I would just ask, but if he does have a negative association with me, I don't want that to influence his thoughts on my mate. Though at the same rate, should they end up wanting to do more than just chat, I don't know if I'd be able to handle it.

We live in a small community, and I'm seemingly more selective (hesitant?) than most, so it's rare that someone comes along that I'm actually actively interested in. If I knew for sure that he wasn't interested for whatever reason, it would suck, but I could manage and move on. But if he was turned off by my being abnormally forward, or perceived me as stalkerish when my feelings were just giving me a case of the dumbs, I'd hate to pass up something that otherwise seems to have potential.

My mate and I have always been open, but now I'm feeling jealous

When we started our relationship, I was the more outgoing one when it came to relations outside of our own, but recently we had a huge shift in our personalities. I’m not sure what’s getting to me, but I’m shifting to a more monogamous mindset and I’m having a hard time not pushing those expectations on him. It’s bugging me because I know it’s very unhealthy to feel threatened or lash out and I’ve never had these feelings before. I’ve always been rather relaxed, so I’m feeling really guilty about all these recent feelings I’m having where I want to control a situation or where I don’t want him to enjoy himself at all at the expense of my own feelings.

My mate and I are open, but I'm falling for someone I'm sleeping with. What do I do?

My mate and I are in an open relationship that he asked me for, so he could have sex with other people. I am having sex with someone else too, but I am falling for him. I still love my mate, though. How do I tell him that I have feelings for someone else?

Non-monogamous Furry Relationships 101

Non-monogamous Furry Relationships 101

I was fortunate to host the Non-monogamous Furry Relationships 101 panel at Anthro New England on Saturday. The panel had 33 attendees, making for a standing room only crowd!

Episode One Listener Feedback

We at Feral Attraction were very pleased to receive a substantial amount of listener response after our inaugural episode this week. While much of this feedback was positive, we did receive some criticisms that it is important we address.