Libido

A polyamorous quad shares their experiences with ethical non-monogamy

Hey, everyone! Viro here. I’ve been busy with travel and running our Open and Polyamorous Furry Relationships 101 panel at Texas Furry Fiesta, so this week we’re featuring a guest column from a happy polyamorous quad who took the time to share their experiences with polyamory with us. I hope you all find this fresh perspective on the polyamorous lifestyle within the fandom to be as interesting and educational as I did!

Help, my long-distance mate has stopped being sexual with me, and now I'm insecure

So! I've been in a long distance relationship with someone for a bit over 18 months now. We met through a group of mutual friends and started dating when I was still 16 and he was 25. Everyone in the group knew him as a horndog who'd love to RP and show off but that didn't catch my attention at all; it was his sweetness and personality overall. He was always a complete sweetheart and I began crushing on him almost immediately after we met.

After a year and six months of dating, he's still as nice and sweet, but I honestly feel like he avoids me sexually for some reason. Sure, we'd do lewd things while being friends and even at the beginning of our relationship but that quickly died off. It's been roughly about a year since he last tried to do anything lewd with me at all.

Some people might argue that our age difference could be the cause but, like I said, we've actually done sexual things before. Hell, we even got a handful of NSFW commissions back in the day. I've tried confronting him about this already but he'll always reply with something along the lines of "I'm never horny" and "I'm not a sexual person." If I bring up the things he used to do with other people (roleplays, camming, nudes, etc,) he'll reply with "I'd just do it to please them but it was never satisfying for me."

Now, I'd honestly love to simply believe him and move on. I want to trust him, but his friends just love to remind me all the sexual things he's done with them. As someone with trust issues, it's really hard for me to just nod off these things and ignore them completely. Their words linger in my head and I begin wondering: am I simply not enough for him? Is he still doing all these things behind my back?

I'm going to turn 18 in November and we're planning on going to a con together next year, and he's willing to pay almost everything for me there. I just have to put in for the plane ticket and my own food. I'm also going to stay in his place for at least 2 weeks and if we truly like each other in real life, then I might move in with him later on. He wouldn't do that for someone he's not interested in, right? I know for a fact he hasn't done something like this for anyone else, and this is also the longest relationship we've both ever had before. He means the world to me and I seriously don't want to ever lose him. 

What can I do to deal with my insecurities and accept that he's saying the truth? Please help me out, I'm afraid of ruining my relationship over this.