LDR

My local mate is trying to get with my long-distance mate for the wrong reasons

I’m in a polyamorous relationship with three lovely people, two of whom are monogamous, and two of whom are long-distance relationships for me. My short-distance partner (who is monogamous) has said she is fine with my setup since the start, but I recently went to visit one of my long-distance partners (the polyamorous one) for a week, and honestly, it’s one of the best weeks I’ve had — we fit so well together, and everything was perfect. Now I’m back and my short-distance partner is having tantrums, breakdown after breakdown, and this partner is trying to get into a relationship with my polyamorous long-distance partner, and I am very uncomfortable with that, as I know she isn’t doing it out of love, but out of the fear she has of me doing things without her, and I am worried it will put a strain on the fantastic relationship my polyamorous long-distance partner and I have. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but it doesn’t seem to help, and usually just adds more stress on top of everything. I’m completely for them talking to each other, but the fact that she is going into this with the intention of getting into a relationship really puts me on edge. I’m completely at a loss for what to do. I’d love your input.

My long-distance mate wants us to open our relationship, but we haven't even had sex yet

Greetings. I'm currently engaged in a long distance relationship that's lasted approximately four months. We both love each other dearly, but are not able to visit in person frequently. In fact, we only just saw each other for the first time on the 17th of December, having made the relationship official in early August. During MFF 2016, however, he ended up getting a little too close with another furry for my comfort, and it went past the boundaries that we had previously established for the relationship. There was no actual sex, but some rather dirty dancing did happen, and eventually my BF ended up in the bedroom with that same furry cuddling in a quasi-sexual manner. He stopped before they got any further, but it wasn't something I was comfortable with. We made up quite soon afterward, and he told me that he was sorry for stepping out of line. Fast forward to Christmas day this year, and he's told me that things aren't as satisfying for him as he would like. Keep in mind, we've only sex-roleplayed over Telegram and haven't done much else. No sexual Skype chats, nudes, nothing else. Well, he wanted to know if it would be ok for him to do cuddling in and occasionally out of suit. That's something I think I would be able to get along with as long as it was relatively safe. Then he asked for some dirty dancing, and that's when I started to feel a bit uncomfortable. Then he asked for doing things with other people up to but not including anal. This is where I started having some really mixed feelings. On one hand, I want him to be satisfied in this relationship and I want us both to be happy. He also mentioned that he still wants me as the primary mate, and that he's not looking to replace me or anything. On the other hand, we haven't even kissed each other in real life, let alone had sex. I feel like I am being replaced even though we've never done anything in real life to begin with! I really want to be able to let him enjoy himself more, and in my own fantasies the idea is quite arousing. However I've been struggling with depression for a while now and I would feel crushed knowing that some other random furry had sexual relations with him before I could even kiss him. The idea came up of "How about if I don't tell you? A kind of what happens at the con stays at the con deal.” The problem with that is that I would know that every con he goes to he's probably doing something sexual and I'd feel even more helpless. He's told me that he would be willing to let me have physical/RP relations with other people too, but RP just isn't the same as real sex, and I haven't a chance at real physical encounters because I'm not comfortable with using Grindr or just random hookups, and I don't have a car. I'm truly at a loss here. I love him dearly, he's my whole world. We make each other better people, we're there for each other through thick and thin. Again, he's made it clear that he still loves me dearly and wants us to stay together. I'm determined to make this work too, I really truly am. But I need some help here, and I would like to hear your guys' opinion on the matter. I also plan to talk about this with my therapist. Thank you for your time

My long-distance mate left me, and I can't get over him. Should I move closer to him?

My ex-boyfriend felt that because of distance he was starting to not love me as much, so he ended up dumping me. When I try to move on, I just feel dead inside and I feel lost. He was the first boyfriend I met in person, and whenever I am reminded about him I get sad. Since he left because he said he couldn’t handle long-distance, if I was able to move closer, would it be a bad idea for us to try again?

Help, my long-distance mate has stopped being sexual with me, and now I'm insecure

So! I've been in a long distance relationship with someone for a bit over 18 months now. We met through a group of mutual friends and started dating when I was still 16 and he was 25. Everyone in the group knew him as a horndog who'd love to RP and show off but that didn't catch my attention at all; it was his sweetness and personality overall. He was always a complete sweetheart and I began crushing on him almost immediately after we met.

After a year and six months of dating, he's still as nice and sweet, but I honestly feel like he avoids me sexually for some reason. Sure, we'd do lewd things while being friends and even at the beginning of our relationship but that quickly died off. It's been roughly about a year since he last tried to do anything lewd with me at all.

Some people might argue that our age difference could be the cause but, like I said, we've actually done sexual things before. Hell, we even got a handful of NSFW commissions back in the day. I've tried confronting him about this already but he'll always reply with something along the lines of "I'm never horny" and "I'm not a sexual person." If I bring up the things he used to do with other people (roleplays, camming, nudes, etc,) he'll reply with "I'd just do it to please them but it was never satisfying for me."

Now, I'd honestly love to simply believe him and move on. I want to trust him, but his friends just love to remind me all the sexual things he's done with them. As someone with trust issues, it's really hard for me to just nod off these things and ignore them completely. Their words linger in my head and I begin wondering: am I simply not enough for him? Is he still doing all these things behind my back?

I'm going to turn 18 in November and we're planning on going to a con together next year, and he's willing to pay almost everything for me there. I just have to put in for the plane ticket and my own food. I'm also going to stay in his place for at least 2 weeks and if we truly like each other in real life, then I might move in with him later on. He wouldn't do that for someone he's not interested in, right? I know for a fact he hasn't done something like this for anyone else, and this is also the longest relationship we've both ever had before. He means the world to me and I seriously don't want to ever lose him. 

What can I do to deal with my insecurities and accept that he's saying the truth? Please help me out, I'm afraid of ruining my relationship over this.

I can't date the love of my life officially because he's already with someone else. Help!

For a year now I've considered myself to be in a relationship with a guy who I love with everything I have. He's the first person I've ever had these feelings for, the first person I've ever dated, and the first time I've been romantic with another male.

Technically, however, we are not in a relationship because he already has a long-term girlfriend. He has considered the possibility of become a polyamorous triad and has asked her about this option, but she is uncomfortable with the idea and is unlikely to be persuaded otherwise. He has not told her about me or our relationship because he does not want to hurt her and lose what he's had for a number of years.

So I guess the question I'm asking is: Am I insane? To think that I'm in a secret, long-distance, semi-polyamorous, closeted, almost-relationship? I'm not expecting a perfect solution to my conundrum but I'm desperate for advice. I don't want to hurt anybody, but I can't keep this up with a smile forever.

What are the red flags for a toxic poly relationship?

When should you back out of a poly relationship, no matter how awesome it appears to be right now? What are the key ingredients that, if found missing, make it so that it is better to just move on and save everyone the heartbreak? Are there any red flags?

Should I try a closed long-distance relationship if I'm used to open relationships?

I have a question about trying a closed relationship because I've usually been in open ones in the past. I really think I have feelings for this guy, but he wants a closed relationship, and I'm not sure whether that will work for me in the long term, especially given that we're long distance. Should I give it a try?

How do I find a relationship when I move around so frequently?

 The long and short of it is that it is incredibly difficult to pursue my education and relationships at the same time! How can I look for a committed relationship with a furry dominant if I move every few years?

What do I do with my online pets if I find a mate?

So, I have a situation that I wonder how to go about. So I'm a master, purely online at the moment, but me being how I am and enjoying purely monogamous relationships, what would I do with my pets if I found a mate? Would I leave them if my mate didn't like the idea? Or was a non-furry and just found the idea of online roleplays with strangers really off putting. It's alway worried me getting a new pet or two that was sexual because if I got attached and got a mate I'd feel obligated to put all my sexual focus on them. But I wouldn't want to leave my pets hanging there, since they have needs and might have an emotional connection to me as well. I don't want that clash, and luckily I haven't had this happen, but I would have no idea how to go about this whole situation if it did and I imagine others have wondered or been through this as well.

Long-distance polyamorous relationship?

I am considering becoming mates with someone who is already mates with someone else, but it would be a long-distance relationship. How likely is it that a long-distance polyamorous relationship would work out?