I am discouraged by rejection and considering giving up on romance, help!

Question

I am a single furry, and I very much would like to be in a relationship, but love never seems to come my way. I’m really struggling with trying to keep putting myself out there, after failing so many times. At this point, I feel like it’s pointless to bother, since all I ever get is rejection and disappointment. I’m sure I sound completely pathetic, but I don’t know what to do, and I’d really like to hear your advice on how I can avoid giving up on finding romance altogether.

Received via Telegram (name withheld)

Answer

The problem with dating and relationships is that much of it boils down to chance, even if you are a very desirable mate. It can be super frustrating to go on a long string of bad first dates, and extremely demoralizing. But don’t let many false starts affect your self-esteem! Unfortunately, when it comes to dating, you will fail over and over again until eventually you succeed, and there is just no avoiding that. The easiest way to make the entire process less painful is to accept that rejection is a natural part of dating, and that it will happen 9 times out of 10, even if you are god’s gift to mankind in terms of attractiveness.

pullquote

I know it can be hard to see others happy with their partners while you are still lonely and looking, but it’s important that you remember not to compare yourself to others when it comes to dating and relationships. There is no one else exactly like you out there, so there’s no way to make a fair comparison. Just because a friend of yours found a mate doesn’t mean that you already should have; all it means is that your friend’s luck came in, and yours has yet to. For the vast majority of people, it’s simply a numbers game — eventually you meet someone you are attracted to who is attracted to you too, and you avoid pissing each other off long enough to enter into a relationship. That might not sound particularly romantic, but at least it is realistic!

If indeed you must make some comparisons, in order to feel like you are making progress in terms of your dating and relationship prowess, the most proper comparison you can make is to past versions of yourself. Keep in mind that you have learned a lot about yourself in experiencing so many relationship false starts, and hopefully, you’ve paid attention and self-reflected after each one so that you have developed a sense of exactly what it is you are hoping to find in a relationship partner. Every bad date and relationship misfire is an opportunity for learning about yourself and for growing as a person; don’t neglect to take advantage of these opportunities, and you’ll find much greater success and a potentially better match when you finally do settle down with someone.

Whenever you get discouraged about how dating is going, remember to focus on the silver lining: Not having a relationship means an opportunity to focus on one’s self and one’s own hobbies, to travel, to gain wisdom, and to focus on building self-knowledge and becoming more attractive as a partner. You're hardly out of the race. It's only just begun. Remember life is a marathon. A friend having an early lead doesn't mean they'll win. Just focus on knowing yourself and your own heart's desires and pursue those. That's where you will find your personal victories, and also your relationships.

Hope that helps! If you have any additional questions or comments, feel free to leave a message in the comments section below or to get in touch with us via our contact page.

Viro the Science Collie

Viro Science Collie is a PhD virologist and medical writer, experienced in teaching, technical communication, and writing for the public. He has been active in the furry community since 2012 and has been happily and ethically non-monogamous for much of that time. His interests include non-traditional relationship structures, technology, biological science, and tennis.